I'll Be Seeing You
by JennBenson
Summary: A year after they split up, Ed and Olivia run into each other and are jolted into remembering their time together. What happens when Olivia finds herself needing support? Will Ed be there, or has he moved on? #Tuckson COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello Tuckson Fans! Here lies a new fic...the beginning of an entirely new journey. This is set approximately a year after that break-up scene that shall not be mentioned. Ed and Olivia have both attempted to move on, but as many soul mates have found, it isn't that simple. This will not be a quick and easy fix, but I promise the end result will be worth it.**_

 _ **So, let's go! #Tuckson #Endgame**_

* * *

It was just after five on a Thursday night and Olivia Benson sat nursing a glass of red, waiting on Chief Dodds to show up. SVU was in the middle of a high profile case, and it had been grueling. Olivia found herself working all hours, despite the option of using her rank to go home at a decent hour, and was nose deep in accusations against a group of police officers. In fact, over the last week, she had maybe been home in time to put Noah to bed once. And despite feeling like she would make it in time tonight, Chief Dodds had summoned her to dinner, presumably to scrutinize the case even more. So, as usual, she had phoned Lucy who was more than happy to stay longer, but promised to be home by bedtime.

Letting out a little sigh, she checked her phone, noting the time and also the beaming picture of Noah that lit up her background screen. He had just turned four this past month and he was growing before her very eyes. She had enrolled him in a pre-K program that was focused specifically on speech and communication, and it had made all the difference in the world. Her happy little boy was now talking more and more, which was just music to her ears.

All of a sudden, the dinging of bells signaled another patron entering the bar, jarring Olivia out of her thoughts involving Noah. Looking up, she gave a tense smile at the Chief who was making his way over to their table.

"Lieutenant," he greeted, hanging his suit jacket on the back of the chair and loosening his tie a bit. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Got stuck on a call with 1PP. You know how that is."

"I do," she allowed, taking another sip of wine and leaning back in her chair. "Why don't you order your drink and then we can get down to business?"

"Sure," he said, a little surprised at her wanting to jump right in. "You don't want to have a bite as well?"

She shook her head slightly.

"No," she said. "My goal is to get home before bedtime for once this week…"

"Oh, of course," Dodds said, maybe a hint of disappointment in his voice, but also understanding.

The waitress came over, took Dodds' order and asked Olivia if she'd like another, which she agreed to, then briskly walked away, leaving the two alone again.

"Okay," she said, leaning forward and folding her hands on the table in front of her. "What's the latest? Anything that's going to help us nail these guys?"

"Unfortunately, no," Dodds said, a little contempt in his voice. "That is what the call was about. 1PP is wanting us to let it go…says the witness isn't credible…"

"What?" Olivia asked, shaking her head a bit. "What do you mean 'isn't credible'? We have photos of bruises, a log book saying the officers were in her apartment questioning her at the time of the assault, and we have DNA!"

"Look," Dodds said, leaning forward a bit and lowering his voice. "It's not that easy…"

"It _should_ be that easy," she retorted, rubbing her forehead in frustration. She opened her mouth to say something else but again, the jingling of the door caught her attention. Looking up to see who the latest patron was, her mouth slacked open a bit and her stomach plummeted.

In walked Ed Tucker in his usual dark gray suit with a red tie clipped to his crisp, white button down shirt. Only he wasn't alone. Coming up beside him, as he spoke quietly to the hostess, was a woman who Olivia assumed was mid-forties. Donning a knee length red dress and heels, the woman slipped her arm through Ed's and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Benson, did you hear me?" Dodds asked, before turning around to see what had caught the brunette's attention. "Oh," he said quietly, turning back around and touching Olivia's arm to get her attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head a bit and snapping her attention back to the topic at hand. "I'm fine."

* * *

"Reservation for Tucker," Ed said to the hostess, as he felt an arm slide into his. He stiffened a bit, still not used to the feel of someone other than Olivia on his arm, but Beth seemed like a good person. She was smart, funny, and open to new adventures. Just what he was looking for, or so he thought.

"Yes," the hostess said, gathering menus and heading towards the back. "Right this way."

Ed removed his arm from Beth and signaled for her to go ahead. He strode behind her in his usual tall, Tucker-like fashion, his eyes scanning the restaurant and landing on a familiar silhouette.

He stopped briefly, his heart jumping into his throat, as he observed Olivia Benson sip a glass of red and converse softly with Chief Dodds. It looked to be strictly professional, her demeanor was stiff and her blazer was still on, but he couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy.

Ed continued to stand there until she looked up, their eyes catching briefly, causing his mouth to run dry. Unsure of what else to do, he nodded slightly at her before turning and catching up to Beth, who was now already seated, looking perplexed.

"See someone you know?" she asked softly, looking over at the table where Dodds and Olivia sat.

Ed took a few gulps of water before he cleared his throat, and allowed the words to slip off his tongue.

"Yeah," he said. "Just someone from the past."

* * *

Chief Dodds was still rambling on about all the reasons 1PP needed SVU to back off of this case, but Olivia hadn't heard any of it. Her eyes were downcast, watching the tiny amount of wine in her glass swirl around, while her thoughts were full of Ed Tucker. It wasn't until the waitress approached again, asking if she wanted a third glass, that she snapped out of it.

"No thanks," she said, her voice almost coming out in a croak, causing Dodds to raise an eyebrow. "Just the check."

"I got this, Olivia," he said, still eyeing her, giving away that she was obviously acting funny.

"Thank you," she said. "I just…I'm gonna run to the ladies' room."

Olivia quickly stood up and scurried across the restaurant as Dodds pulled out his credit card and watched Ed Tucker's eyes follow Benson as she made her escape.

Closing the door to the single stall restroom, Olivia turned the lock and fell backwards against the door, allowing her head to rest on the wood as she closed her eyes and took some deep breaths.

Ed Tucker was the last person she expected to run into in this neighborhood, in that restaurant. Not only that, she never in a million years would have thought she would see him with another woman.

 _Well, you've been split for about a year,_ she thought to herself, talking herself down from an unfamiliar feeling of jealousy and sadness. Despite it having been a year since she let Ed walk out of her apartment, and essentially out of her life, she still missed him. Doing what she did best, Olivia had thrown herself into work, fighting for victims and relentlessly pursuing cases. Little did she know that by doing that, she wasn't spending any more time with Noah. Which was why she was determined to get home to him tonight.

Splashing some water on her face, she admired her reflection in the mirror.

 _You can do this_ , she said to herself. _Put your game face on, end the night with Chief, and go home to your little boy._

Standing up, she straightened her shoulders and once again, squashed her bubbling feelings for Ed Tucker, before exiting the restroom and confidently returning to the table.

"Better?" Dodds asked, watching as she downed her last sip of wine and gathered her bags.

"Much," she said. "And I assume you will keep working with 1PP to allow us to investigate this?"

"Absolutely," he assured her, motioning for her to go ahead and lead him to the exit.

* * *

"Ed?" Beth asked, putting her martini glass down and waving her hand in front of his face. "You okay over there?"

"Oh, what?" he said, shaking himself a bit and returning his eyes to the blonde in front of him. "Yeah, sorry."

"What's going on?" Beth asked, head cocked to the side.

Ed looked at her and narrowed his eyes a bit. Beth was perfectly nice and they seemed to have a lot in common. They both loved the Yankees, had a relatively dry sense of humor, and she didn't work all hours. She had weekends off, as did Ed, and they were able to get out and enjoy a sunny day when it came around. They had been seeing each other for a few months now, and though she seemed ready to go a bit further, he was still hesitating and couldn't quite figure out why.

"Its just been a while since I've seen her," he admitted, leaning forward a bit and playing with the napkin in front of him. Beth knew about his previous relationship with Olivia, and while he hadn't gone into much detail, she would likely see immediately that his feelings were not totally gone. Never the less, she continued to ask for an answer, and he was left with no choice.

"Who is she?"

"Olivia Benson."

* * *

"Lucy," Olivia exclaimed as she clambered through the door and dropped her bags by the entry table. "Thanks for staying. I got out of there as soon as I could."

"Oh, it's not a problem, Liv," Lucy said from where she was perched on the floor playing cars with Noah.

"Mommy!" he exclaimed, jumping up and running into her arms.

Olivia scooped him up and held him close, kissing his hair and swaying softly.

"My sweet boy," she whispered, kissing him once more before pulling back and touching his nose, eliciting a giggle. "How was your day?"

"Good," he said, playing with the collar of her burgundy blazer. "Goed to park wiff Lucy."

"Your favorite," she said happily, then looked at Lucy. "Do we need a bath?"

"No baff Mommy," Noah said, shaking his head hard as Lucy chuckled.

"We haven't taken one yet, but he did roll around in the dirt…"

Noah gave Lucy the stink eye, which she returned, causing him to break into a smile and a giggle.

"I stinky!" he exclaimed, before resting his head back on his mother's shoulders and giving a resigned sigh. "Otay, I take baff."

"Why don't you go grab your jammies, and I'll be right there," Olivia said, setting him down and watching as he ran to the back towards his room. She let out a sigh and turned to Lucy.

"Good day?"

"Yep," she allowed, standing up and gazing at the older woman a bit. "He's still a little congested, so we didn't stay outside long. You okay? You look…rattled."

Olivia let out a little laugh and rubbed her eyebrow a bit. She wasn't quite sure how to answer that, and despite wanting to give her usual 'I'm fine', she found herself admitting the evening's event.

"I ran into Ed at the restaurant," she said softly, her voice coming out shakier than she anticipated. "He was there with…another woman."

Lucy's expression fell a bit and she moved over near Olivia, putting a comforting hand on her upper arm and rubbed it a bit.

"I'm fine," she said, giving the young woman a little smile. "It just caught me off guard."

"That's understandable," Lucy offered, not really sure what else to say to the woman.

Luckily, Olivia wasn't up for any more than that, so she grabbed her purse and handed Lucy two twenties.

"Looks like it might rain," she said. "So let me pay for your cab home?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that," Lucy said, waiving off the cash, but Olivia insisted.

"No," she said, shoving the money into her hands. "I insist, especially since I've been working so much lately."

"Thanks, Olivia," she said, grabbing her stuff and heading to the door. Before departing, she looked back over her shoulder. "You can call me, or talk to me, anytime. If you need to."

"Thanks, Lucy," she said. "We are lucky to have you."

Lucy nodded and left, the door clicking closed behind her. Olivia moved to lock them in and turned around to admire the toys scattered throughout her apartment. Allowing herself a few seconds to wallow in the absence of Ed, she finally took a deep breath and headed back towards the bathroom. She had a little boy to focus on.

* * *

 ** _Well, what do you think so far? Should I continue?_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Well that was quite the reaction! You all are da best, so I decided to reward you with a quick turnaround on chapter two.**_

 _ **#Tuckson #SlowBurn #StillEndgame**_

* * *

"Getting sleepy, sweet boy?" Olivia whispered softly from where she was laying on Noah's bed. The little boy was snuggled into her side, his head resting on her chest, as she read to him softly. She could feel his soft breaths as they hit her arm, and she noticed that he was still sniffling on occasion.

"No, Mommy," he said, though his statement was followed by a yawn. "Wanna read wiff you."

Olivia felt her heart snap a little bit hearing his little voice ask to spend more time with her. She snuggled him closely, kissing the top of his head, and gave him what he wanted.

"Okay," she said. "Mommy's here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"Otay," he said softly, his voice sounding a bit raspy and causing Olivia to look down at him.

"You feeling okay, Noah?"

"I sniffly."

Olivia pressed her lips to his forehead, not noticing him feel any warmer than usual, so she breathed out a bit of relief.

"Okay, well, Mommy's gonna read with you some more, okay?"

"Dat good," he said, nuzzling into her chest a bit more and moving his little hand to grip her night shirt. "Lub you Mommy."

"Oh, I love you too, Noah. I love you more than anything," she cooed at him, giving him one more kiss, before settling in and opening up another story book, reading to him softly.

Half an hour later, Olivia was still laying in her son's bed. He was sound asleep; his little body still resting against hers and his hand gripping her shirt tightly.

She never wanted to move.

* * *

The following morning, Olivia sat next to Sonny Carisi in the courtroom with her eyes narrowed as she watched Barba shift uncomfortably in his seat, awaiting a verdict.

"They aren't gonna convict," Carisi whispered out of the corner of his mouth. Olivia let out a sigh, but she didn't disagree. The case had been a mess the entire time, from changing witness statements to people recanting. She had received pressure from all directions to back down and not pursue, but Olivia paid no mind to that. She had a twenty year old victim and she was going to try to get her justice.

"You're probably right," she admitted, but pressed her lips together and shot a classic Benson glare at the defendant. "But we owed it to this girl to at least try."

The court officer finally announced the return of the jury, and they all rose as the judge returned as well. Barba looked back at Olivia, who put her hand on the shoulder of the victim, as a Not- Guilty verdict rang through the wooden walls of a downtown courthouse. The victim broke down, Olivia rushing around to try and console her, but it was to no avail. As her parents guided her out of the courtroom, hoping not to run into anyone else, Olivia stood in the first row and looked longingly at the double doors.

"We didn't stand a chance, Liv," Barba said, startling her out of her own wallowing.

Not making eye contact, Olivia gave him a nod.

"But we had to try…" she said, shaking her head and making her way towards the doors. Carisi eyed Barba, then quickly followed the Lieutenant out.

"Lieu…" he said, a bit breathlessly, as it had taken him breaking into a jog to catch up with his upset boss. "Lemme take ya home," he said, putting a hand on her arm. But she refused.

"No," she said. "I'm gonna take a walk, check on Noah, then I'll meet you back at the station. We have work to do…"

Olivia quickly descended the stairs to the courthouse and crossed the street, making her way into the little park nearby for some fresh air. It was brisk, but not unbearably cold out considering it was late February, so Olivia hopped in line to get a coffee before continuing her long walk uptown.

She had just placed her order, and was digging around for one more quarter, when a familiar voice startled her.

"Here." A large, rugged, yet soft, hand slid a quarter across the counter, causing Olivia to turn and find herself staring into the light blue eyes of Captain Ed Tucker.

"Ed…" she breathed out, continuing to stare at him for a bit, before the vendor snapped her out of it.

"Here ya go ma'am," he said, pushing the coffee into her hands. "NEXT!"

Ed reached out instinctively and guided Olivia out of the way of the next patron, before she gently pulled her arm back and sipped her drink.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone likely a bit harsher than she intended. But it didn't seem to bother Ed.

He shifted a bit, looking to either side of them, in a characteristic Tucker move, before answering.

"Had some business to take care of. Heard about the verdict. Saw ya over here," he said, hands in his pockets as he shrugged a bit. "Thought I'd just check on ya…."

"I'm fine, Ed," she said, her eyes downcast as she pretended to stir her already well mixed coffee. "Can't win 'em all…"

They stood there in an uncomfortable silence for a bit, before each of them took a breath and tried to talk at the same time.

"I better go…"

"Can I buy you lunch?"

Olivia let out a laugh and shook her head, a non-verbal admission that she, too, sensed the awkwardness between them.

"Lemme buy you lunch, Olivia," Ed pleaded, narrowing his blue eyes and staring straight into her soul.

All she could do was nod.

"Okay," she croaked.

Ed smiled and gestured for her to continue through the park.

"There's a bistro right over here," he said.

All she could do was repeat her previous consent.

"Okay."

* * *

"Not eating much…" Ed said, nodding at Olivia's still full salad bowl.

She just shrugged.

"Not very hungry," she responded, not leaving much room for debate. Ed just nodded and folded his napkin next to his nearly empty sandwich plate.

"Look," he said, leaning forward and zeroing in on her with his stare. But before he could go any further, her phone rang.

"Sorry, it's Noah's doctor…" she said, picking up the phone and making a quick escape to the door.

Ed watched her as she huddled in a corner, trying not to disturb other patrons, as she quietly spoke to the doctor. They had been at the little bistro for about twenty minutes so far, and neither one of them were communicating much. He was beginning to think he made a mistake by asking her to lunch, but seeing her slumped shoulders as she left the courthouse, he just couldn't help himself. It was almost as if making sure she was okay was so deeply embedded in his core, that he just acted without thinking.

He was still a little lost in thought when she returned to the table.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Been playing phone tag all morning..you know how it is."

"I do," he allowed. "Noah okay?"

In the year that they had been together, Ed took a strong liking for the little boy and vise versa. He liked to think that they bonded over things like playing in the park and racing cars around the coffee table. Ed could even recite some of his favorite books by heart, even now. So hearing that Noah may not be well was concerning to him.

"Oh, yeah," she said, waving him off a bit. "He's fine. Just has the beginning stages of a cold. But, given his history, I always like them to check him over…just in case…"

"Of course," he allowed, still trying to catch her eyes, but she was too interested in watching the tomatoes toss around her bowl as she stirred her salad.

"Why are we here?" she finally asked, setting her fork down and looking up at him. The question, though it was valid, startled him a bit.

"I…" he stammered, before shaking his head and letting out a little laugh. "Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Why?"

His head snapped back a little and he narrowed his eyes at her in disbelief.

" _Why_?" he repeated back to her. "Because I care."

"I'm sorry," she said, breaking contact and looking down again. "I didn't mean to sound…well…rude…"

"It's okay."

They sat for a bit longer in silence, before Olivia looked up.

"Who's the woman?" she blurted out, before she could stop herself. Embarrassed, she moved her hand to her forehead. "Sorry…you don't have to answer that…"

"Nah, it's okay," he said, leaning back in his chair and trying to figure out how to answer the question. "Beth is just a friend…"

"Seemed like more than a friend to me," she said, again not quiet able to keep her words bottled up.

Ed just let out a sigh and rubbed his face a bit, before adjusting and leaning over the table to catch her eyes.

"It's been a year, Olivia," he said. "What did you expect me to do?"

Taken aback by his frankness and honestly, she swallowed hard but didn't move her eyes away from his. Once again, she found herself falling into him, metaphorically at least. She saw everything in those blue orbs. She saw love. Safety. Security. Support. Adventure. Even now, even though he was moving on, she still found all of those things in Ed Tucker.

They stayed like that for what was likely several minutes, until the waitress came over to take their plates.

"One check or two?" she asked.

"One," Ed said quickly, pulling out his Visa and handing it over, waiving Olivia off as she was set to argue. "It's fine. I got it."

"Thank you," she croaked out, her voice shaky and a little hoarse all of a sudden.

"Can I give ya a lift back to the station?" he asked, as he signed the receipt and stashed the credit card back in his wallet.

"No thanks," she said sweetly, offering him a grateful smile. "I could use the air…"

As they walked down the sidewalk to the corner where they would separate, neither one was particularly ready to do so. But it was Ed who spoke first.

"I'll be seeing ya," he said, reaching out to grasp her upper arm with his arm and placing a light kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah…" Olivia whispered, running a finger over the place where his lips met her cheek as she watched him walk away from her.

* * *

Back at the precinct, Olivia arrived to a quiet squad room. Rollins and Carisi were both typing up reports at their desks and Fin was leaning back in his chair, feet propped up and eyes closed.

"Don't work yourself to death," Olivia quipped, patting Fin on the shoulder and startling him out of his slumber.

"Oh, hey boss," he said, shaking himself a bit and following her with his eyes as she went into her office and collapsed in her chair. Rollins shot Fin a look, which he returned, and Carisi let out a sigh.

"She okay?" Rollins asked, both her and Fin turning their focus to the only detective that had seen her that morning. Sonny just shrugged.

"Took the verdict hard," he said quietly. "Then I saw her talkin' to Tucker at the coffee stand. That was over an hour ago…"

The three detectives shared a knowing look amongst them. Ever since the Captain and the Lieutenant had split, there had been a cordial but still tense relationship between the two. It was rare that they had to interact professionally, but the couple of times they did, you could cut the air with a knife.

Fin, realizing he was the best man for the job, finally took his feet off of his desk and stood up.

"Be right back," he mumbled, making his way into Olivia's office and shutting the door.

* * *

Meanwhile in his downtown office, Ed Tucker sat at his desk, tapping a pen against the dark wooden surface. He hadn't gotten any work done since he had returned from lunch with Olivia, and despite there being several pressing cases on his desk, he couldn't focus.

His mind was stuck on her eyes and her posture. After spending his entire life reading people for a paycheck, he couldn't help but notice that Olivia, _his_ Olivia, was struggling. There was a fear and uncertainty that crept out through her deep brown eyes, and the way her shoulders were constantly slumped told Ed that she was tired. It was the same posture he saw in her before they started dating. A posture that went away the more he proved that he was right there with her, no matter what. Only then, he had an idea as to why she felt that way. Now he was in the dark.

Continuing to tap his pen, Ed's mind took him back to the weeks following their split. He dove straight into work, keeping long hours and taking on more than a full-time case load. But he knew that was the only thing that would keep him from going back to her. Pushing her. Fighting for her.

At the time, he had convinced himself it was the right thing to do, letting her go. Years of knowing Olivia Benson told him that she needed to have the freedom to make her own decisions, whether right or wrong, and that fighting her never led to a positive outcome. So as hard as it was for him, he walked away. He accepted her reasoning as her throwing in the towel and needing some space.

Now as he thought back to her face, both at the restaurant the night before and in the bistro today, he couldn't help but get a sinking feeling that he made the wrong decision. That he should have fought for her.

But it seemed his realization came too little too late.

He felt his cell phone vibrate in his coat pocket, so he pulled it out at let out a sigh as he looked at the Caller ID.

Beth.

Giving it little thought, he sent the call straight to voicemail before opening his computer up and trying to get a little work done before he went home.

* * *

 ** _Seems our favorite couple is missing each other, huh? Things will heat up next chapter..._**

 ** _You know the drill...reviews mean quicker updates._**


	3. Chapter 3

_**I'm still sort of in awe at how much you all are liking this story, so you're getting a double update today. Don't get used to it!**_

 ** _#Tuckson_**

* * *

"Lucy," Olivia gushed, opening the apartment door and quickly ushering in the young woman. "I am so sorry…thanks for coming…"

"No problem, Liv," she said nonchalantly, shrugging and putting her stuff down. "I'm just studying today, and I can do that here with the little man…"

Lucy paused and took inventory of the small four year old as he clung to his mother. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and he was sniffling more than the day before, but otherwise he seemed okay.

"Mommy don't goooooo," he wailed, the tears beginning to fall, tearing Olivia's heart in two. She quickly thought about whether she had any option other than to go into her office for a couple of hours, but she knew she didn't.

 _Noah will be okay_ , she told herself.

"His appointment is at one. Dr. Stevens keeps Saturday hours, thank goodness," she said to Lucy, still clinging to her son and rocking him slowly from where she stood. "I'll be home by eleven."

"It's no problem, Olivia, really," Lucy said softly, seeing that the woman was distressed about leaving her sick little boy for the morning. "We'll be just fine."

"Sweet boy," Olivia whispered, smothering his tear-stained cheeks with kisses and trying her best to comfort him. "Mommy is going to be right back. I promise, okay?"

"Mommy," he whimpered, before a coughing fit snuck up on him, prompting Lucy to bring a cool washcloth to wash his little face as he stayed glued to Olivia.

"Noah," Lucy said sweetly. "You want some juice? And we will put on a movie and cuddle until Mommy gets home?"

Noah eyed Lucy carefully, as if he were considering her request. He let out one more little whimper, nuzzling Olivia's shoulder, before reluctantly allowing Lucy to take him and carry him over to the couch.

Olivia watched for a bit as they settled in, her own insides churning at the thought of leaving him. But the sooner she got to the station to figure out what Carisi's emergency was, the sooner she could get home to her boy.

She ran into the bathroom, wiping off the tears and snot that was left on the collar of her shirt, grabbed her blazer, and headed for the door.

"Okay baby boy, Mommy will be right back okay?" she said, blowing Noah a kiss and then catching the one he blew back, and placing it on her cheek. "I love you sweet Noah."

"Lub you Mommy," he said, before placing the juice back in his mouth and snuggling into Lucy.

"Thanks again, Lucy," Olivia said before grabbing her purse and rushing out the door, allowing it to click behind her.

* * *

"Carisi, this better be good because it's Saturday and I just left my sick child…" Olivia said, her voice exuding exasperation, but upon looking up from her phone, she stopped dead in her tracks. Carisi was in the lounge room sitting with Elena, the young woman who had been assaulted by police officers in the case Olivia was pleading with Dodds about.

"Shit," she mumbled to herself, quickly unlocking her office and dropping off her stuff, before making her way to the room next door, knocking softly, and slipping inside.

"Hi, Elena," she said, cocking her head to the side as she examined the obviously emotional woman in front of her.

Carisi stood up and stretched.

"Elena, can I fill Lieutenant Benson in for you?" he asked, patting her arm softly. "I'll also grab ya a soda…"

"Okay," the girl responded, sniffing a bit and offering Olivia a weak smile which she returned.

"We'll be right back."

Once the door to the lounge was closed, Olivia wasted no time hounding Carisi.

"What's going on?"

"I'm sorry Liv…" he said, before explaining anything. "I know Noah is sick and that you've had a rough week…but she won't talk to me…"

"Sonny, it's okay," she said, loosening her glare at him and relaxing her body. She used his first name, which was a rarity, but she wanted him to know she understood.

"You sleep last night?" he asked, scrutinizing her appearance, but she shrugged him off.

"I never sleep when Noah is sick…" she admitted.

"Well, see if you can get her to talk so you can get outta here. I'm watching the clock for ya."

"Thanks, Carisi. Don't go too far."

* * *

Forty five minutes later, Olivia emerged with Elena, giving her a light hug and walking her to the elevators.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" she said to her softly, waiting with her until the car arrived. Once the elevator doors closed, Olivia let out a sigh and headed back into the squad room where Carisi was piddling with something on the computer.

"Man," she said, perching herself on the side of his desk. "I don't even know what to tell her anymore…"

"I know," Sonny said, leaning back with his hands behind his head. "One PP won't change their mind, huh?"

"Nope."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something else, but jumped as her phone started vibrating in her back pocket. Pulling it out, she saw it was Lucy and her heart plummeted.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not bothering with the niceties.

 _"_ _Liv…Noah's breathing is awfully labored…"_

"Labored? How?" Olivia asked, her eyes growing wide and her hands beginning to shake. Sonny immediately noticed her change in body language, and sat up straight, trying to get a listen.

 _"_ _I can feel the crud in his lungs and hear it as he takes in a breath. He chokes on it sometimes too…"_

"Okay," Olivia said, trying to calm herself as she ran into her office to get her stuff. "I'm on my way…"

 _"_ _I called the pediatrician when I couldn't reach you earlier…"_

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks. She had missed a call from Lucy? When?

 _"Shes_ _wants to meet us at the emergency room…"_

"Oh god," Olivia said, eyes closing and her lower lip quivering a bit. Sonny made his way into the office and put a supportive hand on her back as she tried to calm herself. "Okay…I'll meet you at Mt. Sinai…"

Hanging up the phone, Olivia made a beeline for the door, shouting over her shoulder to Carisi that Lucy was taking Noah to the hospital. Carisi scrambled to grab his keys and chased after her.

"Hang on, Lieu," he yelled as she bypassed the elevator and ran for the stairs. "I'll drive ya!"

* * *

Olivia rushed into the emergency room at Mt. Sinai, the Upper East Side hospital, barely yelling her thanks to Carisi as she flew out of the passenger seat and towards the automatic doors. When Noah was younger, they had been frequent flyers in this facility, as they had some of the best pediatric doctors around. But as Noah got older and stronger, they visited these halls less and less. In fact, the last time Olivia remembered a scare this bad was a couple years back with the measles epidemic. Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she did a quick scan of the emergency room and quickly saw an attendant at the information desk.

"Hi, my son was just brought in…Noah Benson?" she said, trying not to bark at the lady, but likely failing.

The older nurse, used to panic in her job, calmly searched the database for the name.

"Benson, Benson, Benson," she murmured, clicking around on the mouse.

Olivia was having none of it.

"He's four. He's little. I need to get to my son!" she pleaded, trying to hurry the woman along. Luckily, another nurse overheard the conversation and came to the rescue.

"Oh, I remember him…poor little thing…they are back in cubicle seven," she said, pointing down the hallway.

"Thank you," Olivia said before turning and taking off down the corridor, pushing the double doors open and immediately seeing Lucy sitting next to Noah, on a gurney, in one of the curtained off rooms.

"Oh, baby…" she croaked out to herself, breaking into a slight jog to get to him. Arriving at his bedside, she cupped his little face which was now covered with an oxygen mask, and kissed his forehead. "I'm here. Mommy's here, sweet boy."

Olivia stayed like that, trying her best to hold onto her son while he laid in the bed. She could tell he had calmed down now that she was with him, his eyes not leaving her face. So she perched herself on the bed, sitting by his legs, and kept his little hands in her own.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia," Lucy croaked, reminding the Lieutenant that she was still there. "I couldn't get in touch with you, so I called Dr. Stevens…"

"Lucy," Olivia said, turning her head and giving the young woman a grateful smile. "You did the right thing…I just…I'm so sorry I didn't answer. I didn't hear my phone…thank you…"

The two women were interrupted by the arrival of a nurse, along with a doctor wearing blue scrubs.

"Noah…Benson?" he asked, looking at Olivia from where his nose was buried in the chart.

"That's us," she said. "Where's Dr. Stevens?"

"She's on her way," he reported. "But in the meantime, I wanna get a picture of this little guy's lungs…"

Olivia just nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat and turning to Noah.

"Okay, sweet boy," she said softly, learning down so they were nose to nose. "The nice doctor is going to take a picture of your lungs…but I will be right here waiting for you, okay?"

Seeing her son begin to tear up, she quickly turned around with pleading look.

"Can I stay with him?"

"You can't go into the X-Ray room, but you can certainly come with us and wait right outside," he allowed, his demeanor seemed kind and for that, Olivia was grateful.

"Thank you," she breathed out, nodding at him, then turning back to Noah.

"Mommy's coming too, baby," she murmured, getting up from the gurney, still clutching his hands, and beginning to walk right alongside of him.

"I'll be in the waiting room," Lucy called after them, but Olivia barely had time to respond. Her focus was solely on her son.

* * *

Carisi walked briskly back into the squad room, stunned at the turn of events from the day, but stopped in his tracks.

"Fin?"

"Oh hey, Sonny," he said, continuing to type away. "Thought we were both on duty today?"

"We are," he said. "Was here earlier…but had to take Olivia up to Mt. Sinai…"

"Mt. Sinai?" Fin asked, his face scrunched up in confusion. Why was Olivia taking a case on a weekend, when they were the ones on call? Shaking his head, he questioned Carisi further. "Uptown vic? High profile?"

"Nah," he said, taking off his coat and falling into his chair, clearly exhausted. "Noah…"

"Aw man," Fin said, his face falling a bit. "I was afraid that cold would turn into something. What was she doing here, anyways?"

"Elena came in upset, refused to talk to anyone but her…"

"Of course."

"Always somethin'," Carisi said, rubbing his face and making no move to settle back into his desk. He was clearly still worked up from the morning. "Lieu just can't catch a break…"

"Who you tellin'?" Fin responded, his eyebrow raised as he smirked at Carisi. "I've been with that stubborn ass woman for 18 years…almost 19."

"She say anything, ya know, the other day?"

"Nah, not much," Fin said, shrugging and adjusting himself in his chair so he was leaned back and looking over at Carisi. "I just reminded her of some friendly advice she gave me a while back."

"Oh yeah? What advice?"

"Balance."

* * *

Ed Tucker walked slowly into the large lobby at Mt. Sinai Hospital, holding a sturdy brown paper bag from a local deli. He was feeling bad for blowing off Beth the night before, and now that she was stuck dealing with an administrative crisis at the hospital, he thought maybe he could make it up to her by surprising her with lunch.

Strolling past the gift shop, he saw the hospital admissions desk and set the bag down.

"Hey, is Beth around?" he asked the young, perky attendant who smiled up at him, knowingly.

"You must be this new Ed guy, huh?" she said, a smirk growing on her face. "Beth has been talkin' about ya, ya know. All good stuff…don't worry."

Ed's face tightened as he forced a smile at the young woman, nodding and hopefully conveying his impatience at the conversation.

It worked.

"Let me run get her," she said. "She's back in the accounting office…"

As the young woman bounced back through the secure door, Ed let out a deep breath and looked around the bustling lobby. He hated hospitals, especially in his line of work. In fact, when he found out that Beth was an administrator at Mt. Sinai, it was almost a turn off, until she explained she really had nothing to do with anything medically. She just worked with human resources and accounting.

He continued to look around, his eyes stopping on a familiar figure perusing the gift shop. Scrunching his face up in confusion, he left the bag on the counter and popped his head in to see if his eyes were deceiving him.

"Lucy?" he asked as the young brunette looked up, a little startled until she saw that it was Ed.

"Oh," she breathed out, a little frantically. "Hi Captain Tucker…what are you doing here?"

"Ah, well, just…" he stumbled over his words a bit, before Lucy interrupted him.

"Sorry, that's none of my business," she rambled, her hands flailing around a bit. She was definitely worked up about something.

"Everything okay?" Ed asked, suddenly worried that something had happened with Liv, though he hadn't heard of any officer injuries that day.

Lucy paused, eyeing the man a bit, and seeing he was genuinely worried. But she wasn't sure how much information to give out, seeing that her boss had just run into him with another woman.

"Um, well…"

His heart plummeted.

"Oh god, it's Olivia isn't it?" he asked, color draining from his face. "What happened?"

"Oh! Oh no, sir," Lucy said quickly. "It's not Olivia…it's Noah…"

"Ed?"

His heart was still racing with the revealed information as he turned around and saw Beth standing there, dressed somewhat casually, donning a big smile. But when she saw his expression, her smile faded.

"What's wrong?"

Lucy, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable, dropped the giant stuffed monkey she was holding and made her escape

"I'm just gonna…get back upstairs. See if there's an update…" she said, not making eye contact with either adult. "Nice to see you Captain."

"Oh, yeah…you too…" Ed said, his mind swirling with worst case scenarios as to what could be wrong with the little boy, and also confusion at his two worlds beginning to collide.

"Ed?" Beth repeated, stepping closer and placing her hand on his chest, but feeling his muscles tense under her touch. So she dropped her hand. "Who was that?"

"Olivia's sitter…" he whispered, rubbing his forehead. "Apparently Noah is in the hospital."

"Oh, no," Beth said, concern genuinely dripping from her tone. "He's young, right?"

"Four."

"Poor thing," she said, scrutinizing the man's expression in front of her. Then she smiled and patted his arm. "Go ahead and check on him," she said.

"Nah, I promised you lunch…" he said, but Beth could tell he didn't mean it.

"No, I insist," she said. "I'm neck deep in this paperwork anyways. You go see him. Check on Olivia. Figure out just how sick Noah is. And call me later."

Ed looked at her, gratefulness oozing from his blue eyes, before he nodded and made his exit, checking the hospital map for the pediatric wing, and disappeared down the hallway.

* * *

 ** _What happens when Ed gets to the room? How sick is Noah? Hit review and you'll find out!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_#Tuckson #SlowBurnContinues #Endgame_**

* * *

"How's he doing?" Lucy asked as she quietly crept into Noah's room and did a quick scan to check it out. Olivia had her chair pulled as close to his little crib-like bed as she could, her eyes glued to her son. The room was bright, or as bright as it could be given it was still a hospital room. The walls were peach color, with teddy bears painted as a border on the wall. Despite it being a pediatric room, Noah still looked small in the bed, neither of the side railings were up, and an oxygen mask was still on his face. IV cords hung from the wall, leading into his little hand, where he was receiving antibiotics and steroids to help his lungs.

Olivia looked gutted.

"Resting," she said softly, reaching up and running her hand through his hair. "Finally. He was squirming and restless when we first got settled…"

"He's a tough little guy," Lucy said, sitting down in the chair on the other side of his bed, but she didn't relax right away. Her body stayed tense, though Olivia was too wrapped up in Noah to notice.

"Yeah…"

They stayed like that for a while, both women being soothed by the sound and sight of the little boy's breathing, which seemed to be improving slightly as time went on, before Lucy took another breath.

"I should get going," she said softly, moving to stand and gather her stuff.

Olivia looked up from where she was still leaning over Noah and gave the girl a smile.

"Lucy," she began, clearing her throat and swallowing a bit, so her voice didn't come out shaky. "Thank you…for…everything today…"

"Oh, Liv, of course," she said, cocking her head to the side and looking at the woman. "He's gonna be just fine…"

"Yeah…"

"Keep me posted on changes?" Lucy asked, adjusting the straps on her backpack and moving to kiss Noah's forehead. "And let me know if you need me?"

"Absolutely," Olivia confirmed. "I'm not going anywhere right now…"

Lucy smiled, seeing the guilt that was beginning to eat at her boss, but knew she wouldn't open up to her about it. Giving them a little wave, she made her exit, the door clicking closed behind her.

As soon as Lucy was gone, Olivia closed her eyes and allowed a tear to slip down her face. Moving to wipe it away with her forearm, she took a shuddering breath and pushed the emotion down. After everything that had gone on that morning, she refused to give herself the relief of tears. At least not yet. So instead she remained exactly where she was, sitting as close to her four year old son as she could, stroking his little cheek, and whispering her love to him.

* * *

A light knock at the door startled Olivia out of her daydream. Assuming it was the nurse, whom she liked a lot, she called softly for them to come in and moved to stretch a bit, though still remaining in her seat.

"Hey, Liv," a soft, but gruff voice said, the sound creating a comfort as it flowed into her ears.

Looking up, Olivia allowed her jaw to drop.

"Ed…" she whispered, her own voice hoarse but full of surprise and maybe even relief at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in the doorway.

He stood there awkwardly at first, moving his eyes from her face to the little boy who was still sound asleep in the bed. Hands in his pockets, as per his usual move these days, Olivia couldn't help but notice the concern that was dripping off of him.

"Come in," she said, giving him a small smile. "Have a seat."

"I don't mean to just, intrude…" he said hesitantly as he took up the seat Lucy had just vacated. "But I ran into Lucy down in the gift shop…"

"Ah…" Olivia said, wondering how he got to them so quickly when no one had been instructed to call, though not quite registering that he had been at the hospital in the first place.

"I had to see him…check on him…" Ed allowed, his blue eyes settling on Noah's form. He took in the scene of the little boy, attached to the oxygen mask and the IVs, and let out a little sigh. "Poor little guy. What's the diagnosis?"

"Early pneumonia," Olivia said, emotion catching in her voice. Ed's eyes snapped up to her face and he watched as an assortment of feelings flashed through her brown eyes. From worry to fatigue to guilt. He saw them all in her eyes just then.

Ed let out a breath and leaned forward, tentatively reaching his hand out to cover Noah's, which was resting at his side.

"Geez," he said, the concern still radiating from his entire being. Doing a quick scan, he noticed a couple of IVs dripping. "They got him on steroids?"

"Yeah," Olivia allowed, rubbing at her eyebrow. "Steroids and an antibiotic."

"That's good. Should help him quickly."

"I hope so."

The trio sat in a comfortable silence for a little while, until Noah began to stir a bit, smacking his lips together and trying to move the oxygen mask with his hand.

"Hi sweet boy," Olivia said, standing up quickly and leaning over so she was face to face with her waking son. "Let's leave the mask on right now, okay? It's helping you get better…"

But Noah was having none of it. He jolted quickly, tearing his hand from Olivia's and removing the oxygen mask, allowing it to rest right above his head for a bit.

"Mommy…" he said, his little voice not more than a whisper, but Olivia could hear the tears building.

"I'm right here, baby," she cooed, cupping his face with her hands and kissing his forehead and then his nose. "I'm right here. You're okay."

Noah blinked a few times before turning his head, eyes widening in surprise.

"Tucker," he said with the tiniest bit more emotion in his voice. Ed leaned forward and took his little hand.

"Hey, Noah," he said as he gave the boy a smile. "How ya feelin'?"

"Not good," he responded, his mouth forming a frown and his brow scrunching up. "I in da hoppital."

"I heard," Ed said, his smile growing a bit as Noah continued to look at him and talk to him. It had been a long time since they'd seen each other, and he was a little surprised at how out going he was given the current circumstances. "I bet the nurses and doctors and your mommy are all taking good care of you."

"Yep," he said. "You stay here?"

Ed looked up at Olivia, who still had her eyes on Noah, but he could tell the question hit her hard. She closed her eyes for a bit, gathering herself, before looking up and nodding at Ed, signaling it was his call.

"I'll stay here for a little bit, bud," he said.

"Dat good," Noah said, his little hand reaching out to Ed, so he leaned closer and felt his eyes close as the little hand patted at his cheek. "You here. Mommy here. I here. In da hoppital."

"That's right," Ed said, looking over and seeing Olivia once against struggle to keep her composure. "We are all here. Do you want anything?"

Noah gave Ed a thoughtful pucker and tapped his cheek for a bit, before shaking his head.

"No fank you."

"You just let me know if you change your mind," he told him before looking at Olivia. "You too, Liv. I can run get food or stuff from your place, if you need it."

She just nodded; her voice was too shaky to even give him a response. The emotion of the last five minutes had her near tears yet again. Watching Noah wake and light up at the sight of Ed, then hearing their little conversation and seeing how her son still just reached out to him, was eating her alive in that moment. The emotion was almost too much to bear. So instead of thinking about it, Olivia let out a long sigh and settled into her chair, allowing herself to watch her son and Ed interact as she continued to thank a higher power that her little boy was awake and alert, despite his illness.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, after Noah had unenthusiastically picked at the tray of food a nurse brought to him, he was fast asleep again. Only this time, he was sans oxygen mask. The doctor wanted him to wear it, but it didn't have to be constant. So a very happy little boy snuggled into his pillow as Olivia covered him with the blankets, and he fell into a deep slumber. The sound of his breathing still filled the room, his lungs still congested, but his inhales were longer which was a good sign.

Ed was sitting back in his chair, blue eyes darting from Noah to Olivia, as the woman continued to harbor what Ed knew was guilt given her body language. She still held Noah's hand in her own and refused to sit back in her chair and get comfortable.

"Ya sure I can't getcha anything?" Ed asked again. "A change of clothes, something to eat, or some coffee?"

Olivia let out what seemed to be a combination of a sob and a laugh as she finally lifted her face and looked at Ed. His question, though entirely sincere and innocent, transported her back to a place in time in which she found herself leaning on him.

 _"_ _Can I getcha anything? Something to eat? Maybe a coffee?"_

 _"_ _Just be here."_

 _"_ _I'm not going anywhere."_

Blue eyes met brown and immediately Ed knew where her mind had just traveled. Cursing himself a bit, he whispered his apologies, but Olivia just shook her head.

"I'm fine," she whispered, voice cracking at the end.

Finally unable to stand it any longer, Ed stood up and moved his chair to the other side of the bed so it was right next to Olivia's. He leaned up a bit, resting his elbows on his thighs, and studied her silhouette.

"Ya don't hafta be fine, Liv," he said, his eyes narrowing a bit, hoping that she would allow herself just a moment's relief. To just let him be there for her, even if just for a few minutes.

"Do I?" she asked, shaking her head, brown eyes landing back on the sight of her son laying in a hospital bed. "Ya know, I told myself…over and over…that he came first. No matter what…"

"Olivia, he does," Ed said, his voice coming on strong, yet still soft.

She just shook her head, biting her bottom lip to stop the onslaught of tears that sat right behind the whites of her eyes.

"Does he?" she asked, her eyes never faltering from where they were set on Noah. "It's like…I don't even know who I am right now…"

Ed let out a little sigh as he felt his heart break at the sight before him. Despite the pain, his gratefulness that Olivia was opening up to him just a teeny bit did not go unnoticed, or unappreciated.

Taking a chance, he reached out and placed his hand on top of hers where it was resting on the bed. And much to his surprise, he felt her fingers wrap around his and grip tightly, almost as if he were her lifeline in that moment.

"Olivia, you are the most amazing woman I've ever known," he said simply and honestly, hoping that he could pull her out of whatever self-blame pit she had fallen into. "You love your son with every fiber of your being. And he knows that. And he does come first. Period. Just because you throw yourself into your job, does not mean that Noah is taking the backseat…"

The bobbing of her shoulders caused Ed to pause and check in on her. Though seemingly allowing her body to sob a bit, her face was dry and her eyes were open. So he continued.

"Noah being sick is not your fault, Olivia," he said firmly. "It is _not your fault._ "

"Ya know," she started, her voice deep with emotion. "I convinced myself that I wasn't spending time with him, because I was trying to 'have it all'. The man. The job. The son. But that wasn't true at all…"

"Olivia…"

"I get so wrapped up in my job. In the cases. In the vics," she continued. "I mean, this time eleven months ago I was actually scolding a vic…just to get the case to stick…"

"Liv, look at me," he said, bouncing their joined hands so she would lift her head, and their eyes met again. "You are an amazing mother. An amazing Lieutenant. And an amazing advocate. You've changed so many lives…and what happened today? With Noah? Would've happened whether you stayed home, or you went into work to check on that girl…"

Olivia squeezed his hand a bit tighter as she closed her eyes and let his words sink in. Just as she was getting ready to reply, however, the sound of Ed's phone vibrating in his shirt pocket filled the silent void.

Shooting her a remorseful look, he let go of her hand and reached to check on who it was. Silencing it, he stuck it back in his pocket and took a deep breath.

"You have somewhere to be…" Olivia said, a hint of remorse but maybe some relief in her voice. She was beginning to open up too much and it was scaring her.

"I can stay," he offered. And he meant it. "If ya need me."

"We're fine," she said, looking at him and giving him a close-lipped smile.

So Ed nodded and stood up, heading around the bed to grab his jacket. Once it was on, he leaned over and kissed Noah's cheek.

"Get better soon, bud," he whispered, before standing up and heading for the door. Before he opened it to leave, he turned back around to look at Olivia.

"Mind if I stop by again tomorrow?"

"I'd like that."

Ed nodded in confirmation, then quickly made his way out of the hospital room, the door closing softly behind him.

* * *

 ** _Still enjoying it? You know the routine...reviews make for quicker updates!_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**#Tuckson #YouKnowYouLikeTheSlowBurn #Endgame #LetsHeatItUpATad**_

* * *

"Vrooooooom," Noah said, pushing his new matchbox car across the hospital tray that sat over his bed. "Lookit Fin, it go fast!"

"You think I woulda brought you a slow car?" Fin asked, a hint of teasing in his eyes as he watched the little boy play with his new toys.

Noah shook his head.

"No," he said simply, causing Fin and Olivia to chuckle a bit.

"I thought so…" he said, watching Noah play for a bit before lifting his head and looking over at his boss and long-time friend. "You gettin' any sleep, Liv?"

Olivia shrugged, before rubbing her eyes and sitting up a bit straighter.

"I'm getting enough…"

"Bull," Fin said, giving her a sly smirk. "I wasn't born yesterday, ya know."

Olivia smiled at him before leaning over and running her hand through Noah's hair, but he shrugged her off.

"Mommy, I playin'," he said, giving her a little look but he was smiling.

"Sorry, sweet boy," she said softly. "I'll leave you alone for a bit."

"But no leavin'," he said firmly.

"Never."

Noah, appeased by that little exchange, went back to his cars leaving Fin and Olivia to chat a bit more. He had been in the hospital for three days now and was already feeling more like himself. Olivia noticed he still got tired very easily, and took a couple of naps during the day. But his coughing fits were lessening in both frequency and violence, and she was holding out hope that they would be sprung from the hospital soon.

Ed had stopped by yesterday, as planned, and brought Noah some coloring books and he also brought Olivia several bags of her favorite herbal tea.

"I figure this place didn't have the kind ya like," he had said, almost slyly to her as she accepted the gift and thanked him profusely. "Hey, I just wanna make sure you're okay."

"We're fine, Ed," she had told him. "But…we also really appreciate you…"

As she shook herself out of the little memory, she noticed that Fin had moved his chair over to the side of the bed she was sitting on and was looking at her with curious eyes.

"Spit it out, Liv," he said, eyeing her with an all-knowing look. He could tell something was on her mind.

"Ed stopped by the last two days," she said before letting out a deep breath, almost as if she had been harboring some dark secret from her friend.

"Ah-ha," he said, his smile growing a bit. "What's he want now?"

Olivia let out a laugh and shook her head.

"He accidentally bumped into Lucy the day Noah was admitted," Olivia said. "In the gift shop downstairs. So he came up to make sure we were okay, and then brought Noah some stuff yesterday…"

Olivia's voice trailed off a bit as she thought back to the last two visits. She had been a little more cold with him the second go around, but it was more out of self-preservation. Once he left after she had opened up to him, she couldn't help but scold herself.

 _"_ _He's with someone else,_ " she had told herself over and over again. " _You let him go. He's not yours anymore."_

So that next day, while she was appreciative and friendly, her walls had been thrown back up. And Ed had definitely take note, causing his departure that day to be a little more uncertain and awkward.

"What was he doing here to begin with?" Fin asked, his face contorted in some confusion. "I mean, I would get the emergency room if there was a cop shooting, but the gift shop?

Suddenly, Olivia's facial expression changed into a mirrored confusion.

"Huh," she said. "I guess I hadn't thought about that before."

"You didn't ask?"

"I was a little distracted," she said to Fin, rolling her eyes. "I wasn't really in interrogation mode…"

"True," Fin said, though he was still genuinely shocked that Olivia hadn't grilled Tucker the moment he showed up in Noah's hospital room. "Well, it wasn't me…or Carisi…"

Olivia just shot Fin a smile.

"I know," she said. "I'm not upset. It was just…strange…"

"How so?"

"Well," she began, picking at her blue cardigan and trying to formulate her thoughts. "I mean, it's been almost a year. And in the last week, I've seen him three times…"

"Maybe it's a sign," Fin offered up, but stopped once he saw Olivia shaking her head and biting her bottom lip.

"He's moved on," she said, though the regret was palpable in her tone. "I have to accept that. But, ya know, when I'm with him…I find myself just…leaning…"

"Hey," Fin said, getting her to look up at him. "Ed Tucker was the rock you needed for a while. And despite you splitting up, he's still a good guy."

"I know," she said. "The other day, when he was here…and Noah was asleep…I could feel myself falling into him again. Needing that."

"He wouldn't still be here if he didn't still care, Liv," Fin said carefully, watching for any sign that he shouldn't say his next line. But he saw nothing that stopped him. "Maybe you two aren't over."

"Balance," Olivia whispered.

"Exactly."

* * *

Downtown, Ed sat in a meeting of high up and irritable NYPD officers, as they mulled over this latest case against three of their own. He knew without a doubt where Olivia stood in the debate, and if he were honest with himself, he was on her side whole heartedly. But no one else seemed to be, and they were really looking for a way to get the accusations to disappear.

"Three highly decorated detectives," one man said. "Even if they are found not guilty in a trial-by-jury, their careers will be tarnished. And for what?"

"For what?" Ed asked incredulously. "For justice! They've got pretty compelling evidence pointing out that this young woman's claim may be true. And you want to sweep it under the rug because they have accolades?"

The entire table turned to look at the veteran officer, all with wide eyes.

"Tucker?"

"Look," he said, taking a breath and calming down a bit. "All I'm saying is we can't preach to the public about justice and protecting them, if we don't follow through even when the accused is one of our own…"

The men sat around, no one saying much, but all of them mulling over his words. Chief Dodds was there, his eyes remaining on Ed, as the rest of the table took their time coming to a conclusion. Finally, the one man started nodding.

"You're right, Tucker," he admitted, and much to Ed's surprise, the rest of the table began to nod in agreement. "You're right. Chief Dodds?"

"Yes sir?" Dodds said, sitting up a bit straighter and eyeing the man with a hopeful expression.

"Let your Lieutenant know to proceed," he said before slamming his notebook shut and standing up. "Now, I need lunch…"

The room quickly cleared out, mumblings occurring amongst them as they all made their exit, leaving Ed and Dodds alone in the room, lost in thought.

Clearing his throat, the Chief stood up and made his way over to Tucker, extending his hand.

"Thanks, Captain," he said.

Ed stood up quickly and returned the handshake.

"Of course," he said. "That young lady deserves justice…"

Dodds eyed him a bit, trying to figure out if there was more to it than that, but let it go. He had seen the looks shared between Ed and Olivia at the restaurant last week, and even though Olivia had made a hasty exit, it was still apparent that they had feelings for each other. But the Chief wasn't going to question it. If Ed Tucker had enough residual feelings for Olivia Benson that would allow them to nail these dirty cops, then he was going to ride the wave.

"Well," he said, grabbing his own notebook and heading for the door. "Take care, Tucker."

"You too, Chief."

* * *

Back in his office, Ed was lost in thought yet again. He kept going back to Noah's hospital room and seeing the forlorn look on Olivia's face. Assuming it was just about Noah being so sick, he hadn't given it much thought. But the more he mulled it over, the more he felt a glimmer of hope seep into his heart.

That first day, when he had just walked into the room, she was surprised but eventually opened up to him. Or, almost opened up to him. She allowed herself to feel emotions, to express them, and he was pretty sure as soon as she gripped his hand, he felt his own heart clench.

He'd never felt that with anyone else. Not his ex wife and definitely not Beth, despite how nice she seemed to be. Those sparks, that heart clench, was reserved for Olivia Benson.

But she didn't want him.

Letting out a sigh, he pulled his phone and and shot Beth a quick message.

 _Dinner tonight?_

She responded immediately.

 _Sure. Meet me here around 5?_

 _Perfect. See you then._

Putting his phone back in his pocket, Ed rubbed a hand over his face and shook himself a bit. He had to figure out what to do, and no matter what he decided, it wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

Amanda Rollins softly opened the door to Noah's hospital room after not hearing a response from her light knocks. As she came into view, her face contorted into a smile.

Noah was sleeping soundly, nestled in a sea of fuzzy blankets and stuffed animals, and tightly tucked into his mother's chest. Olivia was on her side, also in a light snooze, and her arms were wrapped loosely around her son.

Not wanting to wake the sleeping pair, Amanda crept into the room and sat down for a bit, waiting for the older woman to wake up. She had some updates on the case, but nothing urgent, so she decided to take some down time and let them rest, as she assumed that Olivia hadn't slept much since this entire thing started.

A few minutes later Olivia began to stir, lifting her neck up and looking around in confusion, before realizing she was still in the hospital with a sick little boy.

"Rollins?" she mumbled, sitting up slowly and rubbing her eyes. Briefly glancing at Noah to make sure he wasn't waking up, she climbed off the bed and stretched a bit, before taking a few sips of water. "How long have you been here?"

"Oh, about fifteen minutes," she said quietly. "Not long. Figure I'd let ya sleep for a bit and use the time to enjoy not having Fin to bug me…"

Olivia just laughed.

"He does that a lot," she said, before checking her phone then giving the younger detective her attention. "So what's up?"

"Just came to let you know that Carisi and I took the three officers into custody today."

"Good," Olivia breathed out, her eyes closing in relief. "I still don't know why they changed their mind, but I'm grateful."

"Me too."

The two women sat in silence for a bit, before Rollins finally took a real close look at her boss. She had bags under her slightly bloodshot eyes and her posture was slumped.

"You okay, Olivia?" she asked, making sure to use her first name instead of the usual "Lieu" in hopes of getting her to open up. But all she got was a nod.

"Just tired of being cooped up in this room," she said. "I wanna get my boy home…I want him better…"

"Fin said he may get to go home tomorrow?"

"That's the hope…"

"Ya know, I'm here for a bit. Why don't you go get some air," Rollins offered. "With the possibility of a blizzard in the next few days, this may be your last chance for sunshine…"

Olivia quietly considered the offer, desperately wanting to escape for a few minutes but afraid that once she left Noah's side, something would happen.

"I'll call if he so much as breathes differently," Rollins promised, seeing the internal struggle.

Offering her a gracious smile, Olivia finally nodded and stood up, reaching for her jacket.

"Thanks, Amanda," she said, kissing Noah's head and pocketing her phone. "I'm just going to run get a non-hospital-made cup of coffee down the block. I'll be back in…half an hour?"

"Take your time."

As Olivia made her exit, Rollins sat back a bit and let out a little sigh as she watched the four year old continue to slumber.

"You hit the Mommy jack-pot Noah," she said. "I hope you know that."

* * *

Olivia was scrolling through her emails as she made her way out of the double doors and onto 5th Avenue. She hadn't seen the outside in a couple of days, so she was walking quickly, eager to get out and stroll a bit. Still buried in her phone, Olivia made a right turn and ran straight into another person.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," she said, fumbling a bit before looking up and letting out a gasp. "Ed?"

"You okay, Liv?" he asked, his face immediately changing into a look of concern.

"Yeah," she said, flabbergasted that she had once again run into him. "Just…getting some air," she squeaked a bit, not recovering quite as fast as she would have liked.

"Noah okay?"

"Yeah," Olivia rubbed her eyebrow, finally feeling her heart rate begin to slow down a bit. "We should be going home tomorrow if all goes well."

"That's great news," he said, a small smile gracing his face. "Really great news."

"It is," she allowed. "Well…I need to get going so Amanda doesn't have to stay up there too long. I don't want him to wake up without me…"

She began to leave, but Ed reached out and grabbed her arm, causing her to stop and turn to the side and look at him questioningly.

"Liv, I…" he began, realizing he had stopped her without an actual reason. He needed to come up with one quick, because he wasn't ready for her to walk away. "You sure you're okay?"

He winced as she narrowed her eyes a bit at him. She could see right through his question.

"I'm fine," she said, then surprised herself by once again falling into his blue eyes. "I…I'm so tired. I just want to take my son home…"

Her voice cracked at the end, hitting Ed right in the gut. Without thinking, he pulled her into his chest and held her close for a brief moment, kissing the top of her head. The relief he felt permeate his body, feeling her close to him, was almost too much to handle.

"It's okay now, Olivia," he soothed before releasing her just a tiny bit, keeping one arm around her shoulders and allowing her to rest against his side. He went to give her another kiss on the head, but stopped as he felt her entire body tense up and pull away.

"Ed?"

Turning his head at the sound of the voice, Ed's heart dropped as he saw Beth walking over with her work bag from the day.

"What's going on?"

* * *

 ** _Uh oh..._**

 ** _Review?_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_You guys are AMAZING! There is a bright light at the end of this tunnel, and I promise you it is not a train._**

 ** _#Tuckson #YesTheSlowBurnIsStillStinging #ButWeGetATadCloserBelow #SoTrustMe_**

* * *

 **Previously:**

 _"_ _You sure you're okay?"_

 _He winced as she narrowed her eyes a bit at him. She could see right through his question._

 _"_ _I'm fine," she said, then surprised herself by once again falling into his blue eyes. "Just…I'm so tired. I just want to take my son home…"_

 _Her voice cracked at the end, hitting Ed right in the gut. Without thinking, he pulled her into his chest and held her close for a brief moment, kissing the top of her head. The relief he felt permeate his body, feeling her close to him, was almost too much for him the handle._

 _"_ _It's all okay, Olivia," he soothed before releasing her just a tiny bit, keeping one arm around her shoulders and allowing her to rest against his side. He went to give her another kiss on the head, but stopped as he felt her entire body tense up and pull away._

 _"_ _Ed?"_

 _Turning his head at the sound of the voice, he cringed a bit as he saw Beth walking over with her work bag from the day._

 _"_ _What's going on?"_

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Olivia's eyes quickly avoided them both as she shook her head a bit, mumbled her thanks and an apology, and made her escape. Beth looked on with a questioning glance, Ed's eyes following the brunette as she rushed away.

All the while, Olivia cursed under breath for once again allowing her feelings to surface.

"He's not yours to lean on anymore," she continued to say to herself, crossing the street and turning into the coffee shop, out of sight from the still watchful eyes of both Beth and Ed. Once she was safely inside, Olivia scanned around and made her way to the ladies room, grateful it was vacant. Locking the door, she dropped her purse and fall backwards against the door, her head in her hands.

Tears streaming down her face, Olivia finally allowed herself a few moments to fall apart. Locked in the bathroom of a quaint, Upper East Side coffee shop, the seasoned detective felt her shoulders heave and the sobs build as she fought the onslaught of emotion.

It was too much. Between Noah being sick and Ed showing back up with another woman, she couldn't take it anymore. After a year of being completely off balance, Olivia finally felt like she had fallen off the beam. She could no longer keep control.

Giving herself another five minutes to just let go, she finally straightened up and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and red, her face was splotchy, and her lips were dry. She looked like a mess.

"No sense in trying to cover this up," she mumbled, splashing water on her face, running her fingers through her hair, then exiting the bathroom hoping for a quick line and return to her son.

* * *

Just after dark, over on 3rd Avenue, Ed and Beth were sharing a what had turned into an awkward dinner. Beth was pushing her pasta around on the plate, her eyes downcast, while Ed was still tense and not even bothering to touch is carbonara. Finally having had enough, Beth took a deep breath and put her fork down. She leaned over and took Ed's hand as she let out the slow sigh she had been harboring.

"Ed…"

He moved his eyes up to look at her, and to his relief he didn't see any anger. The last thing he had wanted was to hurt her, but the past week had been confusing for him. Luckily, she didn't make him come to the conclusion on his own.

"It's okay, ya know," she said, giving him a soft, sad smile. "I can see that you care about her. Still."

"Look, Beth," he began, but she shook her head, signaling to him she wasn't finished just yet.

"I know you didn't mean for this to happen," she allowed. "I knew from the moment we got involved that you still had feelings for Olivia."

"You did?" he asked, genuinely surprised and a little disappointed in his acting skills.

"Of course," she nodded. "You were honest about your relationship with her, but every time you said her name, your eyes would twinkle."

Ed, flabbergasted, sat back in his seat which automatically moved his hand away from Beth's. Running that hand over his head, he tried to regroup.

"I guess, well," he stumbled a bit, before leaning forward again and being as honest as he could. "She'll always be under my skin. I'm always gonna care about her."

"I know."

"For what it's worth, I don't think she feels the same way…"

At that statement, Beth began to laugh. Confused, Ed cocked his head to the side.

"What?"

"You really don't see it, do you?" she asked him, calming down and once again grabbing his hand. "That woman loves you, Ed. She needs you."

"Olivia Benson doesn't need anyone," Ed said, his voice soft, but his tone confident. Again, Beth gave him a knowing smirk.

"Sure she does," Beth said with a simple shrug. "She may never admit it, but she does."

They sat there, hands lightly touching on the table for a few minutes before Ed finally cleared his throat and tried to figure out what was next.

"What are you saying?" he asked, his blue eyes wide with both a fear and also a hope that maybe, just maybe he was going to get another chance.

"I'm saying that I'm walking away," she responded softly. "You love her, Ed. I can't compete with that…"

"I never meant to hurt you," he whispered, giving her hand one last squeeze before she got up to leave.

"I know," she said. "Just do me one favor?"

"Anything."

"Make sure she knows how lucky she is."

* * *

The following afternoon, Olivia was puttering around her kitchen, endlessly scrubbing the counters for what was likely the fourth time in the last two hours.

Noah had been released that morning, just ahead of the incoming blizzard. Relieved to be going home, she bundled up her boy and Carisi eagerly came to come pick them up. Once home, she got Noah settled on the couch, still covered in blankets, and put a movie on for him. He was asleep within minutes.

Now that he was napping comfortably, Olivia was stuck in her own thoughts. She had typed and deleted about twenty separate messages to Ed over the last 16 hours, never having the guts to actually send one.

 _What am I supposed to say,_ she kept thinking to herself. _Sorry? Thanks? Forget it. He's with Beth._

Finally realizing the sponge was crumbling in her hand, she threw it hard into the trash and braced herself against the counter, allowing her head to fall forward. A few pieces of stray hair that wasn't held back in a clip fell and framed her face, as she stayed still and took some deep breaths.

The windows rattled in the wind, startling her out of her place of respite, and she immediately went to the dining table to check her phone's weather app.

"Blizzard warning," she mumbled, looking around and letting out a sigh. At least she had her son home, on the mend, with plenty of soup and movies to last them a couple of days being snowed in. Just as she made her way towards the couch to join her son, her phone buzzed.

A text message from Ed.

 _How's Noah?_

 _Good. We are home now. He's sleeping._

 _That's great, Liv._

She tapped her phone a bit, slowly sinking onto the opposite end of the couch from her son, and tucking her feet under her. Biting her bottom lip, she mulled over her next response and decided to just go for it.

 _I'm sorry about yesterday. I hope things are okay with Beth._

She waited for a response, but it didn't come. Opening up her messages, she saw that the three little dots would appear for a short period of time and then disappear again.

She chuckled. At least it seemed Ed was as indecisive about his texts to her as she was with him.

A few minutes later, the long awaited buzz came.

 _Not your fault, Olivia. I wanted to be there for you._

 _Thank you._

Putting the phone down, Olivia glanced over at Noah, who was now on his side and snoring softly, his stuffed elephant clutched in his arms. He had been so excited to see Ed both times he stopped by and it tugged at her heartstrings to think about it.

Running into Ed outside of the hospital served to jolt her more than any other accidental meet-up had before. As hard as she tried to keep her walls up, one look into his eyes and they fell down. She couldn't stop herself from admitting her desire for her son to get better, and she couldn't stop the emotion from showing in her voice.

Closing her eyes, she leaned back and tried to remember what it felt like when he pulled her to him. He didn't even hesitate. As soon as the emotion cracked through, she felt herself being engulfed into his chest. Into safety and security. Reassurance. She found all of that in his embrace, and for those few seconds it was like she was back on her axis. Back to a time in which those embraces were a normal part of her life. When she had companionship, comfort, stability. She felt unstoppable, like nothing else could possibly go wrong as long as Ed Tucker's arms were around her.

But then reality came crashing back into them and she quickly recoiled, the guilt of allowing herself to feel that way rushing into her as Beth approached them. In fact, she was so thrown off that she refused to look into his eyes before she departed, afraid of what she would see. Regret? Hurt? Hope?

 _Fuck,_ she said softly, grabbing a spare blanket and wrapping it around herself as she settled further into the couch. With Noah still asleep and her phone quiet, she could feel just how alone she was.

* * *

"You have food over there, Carisi?" Olivia asked. It was quarter to seven and her detective was calling to let her know that he and Fin were staying overnight at the precinct.

 _"_ _Yeah, we're fine Lieu. And Chinese always delivers."_

"Okay," she said, straightening up a little bit behind Noah who had pulled out just about every car he owned in the hour he had been awake. "Rollins get home okay?"

 _"_ _Yep. She's home; her and Jesse are all set. Listen, you need anything Liv? We can run it to you before the roads are impassable."_

"No, we're just fine Sonny, but thanks," she said, appreciating his offer. "I've still got the soup your mom made for us and Noah and I are ready to be snowed in."

"I weady, Sonny!" Noah said happily from where he sat at the counter eating cut up grapes.

 _"_ _He sounds so much better."_

"He does," Olivia said. "As awful as the hospital stay was, it's worth it to have him somewhat back to his usual self."

 _"_ _Okay, well you two take it easy. Call if you need me."_

"You do the same, Carisi. Thanks again."

Hanging up the phone, Olivia tossed it on the couch and went to sit next to her son, plucking a grape from his bowl and popping it into her mouth.

"You want gapes, Mommy?" he asked, digging around to find bigger pieces for her, but she waved him off.

"No, you eat those sweet boy," she said with a smile. "I just wanted one."

"Otay."

"Whatcha want to do tonight, No?" she asked, figuring he would still be awake for a couple more hours given how long he had napped. The little boy puckered his face up thoughtfully.

"Watch Mater?"

"Another movie?" Olivia asked, a little surprised. Her son wasn't much for screen activity. Even when she gave him her iPad, he lasted about half an hour before he was ready to be outside or play with his toys.

"Uh huh," he said, before letting out a yawn. "I still seepy."

Giving him a soft smile, she reached over and cupped his cheek.

"Of course, sweet boy," she cooed. "I know you're still feeling yucky. So let's finish our grapes and we will fix a drink and snuggle on the couch, okay?"

"Otay," he said, giving her his signature smile. "Dat good Mommy."

"It's very good."

* * *

Olivia padded out of the bathroom and shivered a bit. She took a quick look at Noah, who was sound asleep in the middle of her bed, and went to turn up the heat. Taking a quick scan of her dark and empty living room, she let out a sigh and turned around to head to bed.

Crawling under the covers, she grabbed her phone and curled onto her side, placing it facedown between her and Noah. As happy as she was to be home and out of the hospital, suddenly she felt a fear grip her that she needed to keep an eye on her son's breathing. Out of her own anxiety, she offered Noah the option of sleeping in her bed which he eagerly accepted given it was a rarity. Nestling her own head on the pillow, she reached out and lightly ran her fingers over his cheek, watching his little body rise and fall with each breath he took.

"Mommy loves you, sweet boy," she whispered to him, knowing he couldn't hear her, but not caring. Somehow she knew he could feel her presence, even in dreamland. "I'm right here…"

Her phone buzzed again. Dreading it being Carisi or Fin about a break in a case, she turned it over and grabbed her glasses from the nightstand.

It was Ed.

 _Are you two okay in the storm? I can come over if you want…_

Her heart soared a bit reading his offer. He was worried about them. He still cared about them. She felt herself smile, unable to stop it, as she thought about giving him the go ahead. If Ed was here, she might be able to get a few hours of sleep for the first time in over a week. Selfishly, it was exactly what she wanted. What she needed. What she craved.

But it wasn't fair to him, she decided. He had moved on, and as badly as she wanted him by her side that night, and every night following, it was time to face the reality of her decision a year ago.

 _Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine._

* * *

 ** _Will Ed accept that answer?_**

 ** _Review to find out._**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Since I assume the SVU writers will continue to ignore my offer to help them work 1 minute of Tuckson into 42 minutes of television, I'll just keep writing this story for you...which admittedly shoulda been named "Slow Burn" or maybe even "Interruptus"...but hind sight is 20/20.**_

 _ **#Tuckson**_

* * *

2:37am.

Ed tossed his cell phone onto the nightstand, rolled onto his back, and let out an audible, frustrated sigh. He couldn't sleep. His mind was churning over the events of the last week, and every time he closed his eyes, the pain on Olivia's face when Beth walked up on their hug was flashing in front of him. The way she immediately recoiled from him and thew her walls back up. The way she wouldn't even look at him, let alone give him enough time to talk to Beth so he could go after her. She was gone in an instant, and he was left dumbfounded on the sidewalk, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Then there was Beth. How understanding she had been from the beginning, how she always had time for him and never blew him off, despite him doing that to her on more than one occasion. She was even understanding, to an extent, of his feelings towards Olivia.

But no woman deserved to be in second place. And as Ed continue to lay in bed, his room illuminated by nothing but the tiniest glimpse of snow falling outside of his window, he realized that is all any woman would ever be to him. Second place. First place was taken and it always would be.

He rubbed his hand over his face and sat up, moving to turn on the lamp. But it wouldn't turn on.

 _Huh,_ he thought to himself. _Bulb musta blown._

He got up and padded over the the door, flipping the light switch several times before giving up.

The power was out.

Standing in the middle of his room in nothing but a pair of navy briefs, he suddenly got a worried feeling. If the power was out in his neighborhood, it was likely out at Olivia's. Ed grabbed his phone and shot off a text, knowing that she would still be up. As he waited for the response, he rummaged through his hallway closet to see if he still had the tiny battery generator he kept for emergencies. He refused to keep a full generator because of fire codes, but this little machine had come in handy on more than one occasion, allowing for him to charge his phone, keep a light on, or run the toaster.

 _A-ha_ , he said happily, pulling it out and checking to see if it worked by plugging in the lamp. It did.

Just then his phone chimed, signaling that Olivia was awake and had responded.

 _I'm awake. The power is out. Just hoping Noah doesn't need one of those breathing treatments before it comes back on._

Ed's heart sank. Noah. He no longer waited for an "I'm fine" response from Olivia. Throwing on jeans, a blue polo, and his winter gear, he packed up the tiny generator and at the last minute, grabbed a freshly purchased bottle of bourbon. Patting his coat pockets to make sure he had everything, he tightened his snow boots and left the apartment after shooting Olivia a quick head's up.

 _I'm on my way._

* * *

Olivia sat curled up on her couch, donning black leggings and an oversized beige sweatshirt. Candlelight filtered through the living room from where she had set up stations on the coffee table and kitchen bar. Feeling grateful she had a gas stove, she blew on her steaming mug of herbal tea, leftover from the stash Ed had brought her at the hospital.

She hadn't slept a wink so far that night. She kept eyeing her son and then drifting back to her relationship with Ed. It played over and over in her head like a broken record. In fact, she had been so deep in thought that it had taken a few minutes for her to register that the lamp had just cut off. Fear gripping her gut, she scurried to test of electrical outlets and finally let out a frustrated groan when she realized the power was out. Taking some deep breaths, she looked at Noah. He seemed to be breathing just fine. She couldn't hear any congestion in his lungs, so the likelihood he would need the little machine was slim, but she couldn't help but fear the worst.

Now as she sat on the couch, her heart rate was finally slowing down with the knowledge that Ed was on his way. There was a nagging sense of guilt, though, that accompanied the relief. Guilt and maybe even some uncertainty swirled just a little bit. Why was it that despite being apart for a year and all of her emotions surrounding these occasional run ins, she still felt an overwhelming sense of calm when he was around? That calmness was such a craving for her, that she didn't stop him from coming over in the middle of the night in a blizzard, and despite the fact that he was seeing someone else.

 _What are you doing, Olivia,_ she asked herself, shaking her head and letting out a groan. But it was too late to think anymore about that, because a knock on the door signaled Ed's arrival. She threw the blanket off and hurried to open it, checking the peep hole just in case. Flinging it open, she let out a relieved sigh as she greeted him.

"Ed," she said, opening the door and ushering him in, quickly grabbing the bag from his freezing cold hand and putting it down, before eyeing him. "Are you okay? You're shaking…"

"Nah, I'm okay," he whispered, moving to take his ski-like jacket off and unbuckle his boots. "Helluva storm, though."

Olivia took his snow covered clothes and tossed them into the tub, taking one more peek at Noah before cracking the door and coming out to the living room. Ed was standing near the couch, looking around, hands still in his pockets.

"I like that new photo," he said, nodding to the large portrait of Noah she had hanging between the two windows. "Recent?"

"Yeah," she said, tucking a few loose strands of hair not in a ponytail behind her ear, and offering Ed a smile. "He did a drama camp last fall, when his preschool was on break. That photo was the one in the end-of-camp program."

"It's a good one," he said before turning around, digging in his bag, and producing the tiny generator and a bottle of bourbon.

Olivia raised her eyebrow at him.

"What?" he shrugged, putting the bottle on the counter and placing the other contraption on the floor behind the sofa. "Can't survive a blizzard without bourbon…"

Allowing herself to laugh a real, hearty laugh, Olivia just shook her head at the man in front of her. He gave her his signature smirk as he walked around her and rummaged through the kitchen.

"Glasses still in the same spot?" he asked, while going ahead and opening the cabinet to pull a couple of glasses down.

"Guess so," Olivia said with a little play attitude. It just made Ed smile a bit bigger as he watched Olivia open the bottle and take in a little wiff.

"Smells amazing," she said, her eyes not leaving his face as he concentrated on pouring them both an equal sip into the lowball glass. Sliding one across the counter to her, he raised the glass and looked straight into her brown eyes.

"Cheers," he said, taking a sip but keeping his eyes on hers.

Olivia felt her mouth run dry and she froze, unable to even raise the glass to her lips at first. But she quickly snapped out of it.

"Cheers," she said, taking a small sip and feeling the burn go down her throat. "It's good," she said, but then grabbed her mug of still hot tea and poured the bourbon in. Ed looked at her in a shocked amusement.

"You just poured a top label bourbon into tea?" he asked plainly, his face screwed up a bit.

Olivia just took a sip before exhaling loudly and closing her eyes, allowing her lips to form a smirk.

"I sure did," she said, before opening her eyes and meeting his playful blue ones. "And it's good."

* * *

A while later, the duo was settled on Olivia's couch and an uncomfortable silence had taken over the room. The banter of the bourbon had only lasted so long, and now that the pleasantries were out of the way, Olivia struggled on what to say to the man next to her. Should she bring up what happened outside of the hospital? Apologize to him? Was she supposed to ask about Beth?

Beth.

Suddenly Olivia's stomach churned. Here she was, grateful and relieved that Ed had come over to her apartment during a blizzard, but he was seeing someone else. What did that mean?

"Beth know you're here?" she asked, intending for the question to come out as genuine, but there was a bite to her tone that didn't go unnoticed.

Ed didn't flinch. He took his last sip of bourbon and placed the empty glass on Olivia's coffee table, before picking at the seam of the back couch cushion and avoiding eye contact.

"She broke up with me last night," he said softly, shrugging his shoulders and finally lifting his eyes to meet Olivia's.

"Oh, _Ed_ ," she said, immediately regretting her tone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"Hey," Ed interrupted, shaking his head and offering her a small smile. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"But if I hadn't…"

"Stop, Olivia," he said, his blue eyes piercing into her and showing her that he wasn't upset. Sure, he was beating himself up over yet another failed attempt at a relationship, but he didn't blame her. So she took a deep breath and let him continue talk. "We weren't gonna last…"

"Still," she said, feeling a little better and selfishly enjoying the fact that he was there with her that night and guilt didn't have to be a factor. "I'm sorry. She seemed nice."

"She was," he said. "But she wasn't you."

Olivia held her breath, not sure how to respond to that statement, but those familiar butterflies began to flutter around in her stomach, much like they did in the early stages of their relationship. She continued to allow her eyes long blinks, and each time she opened them, he was still looking at her. There was no expectation behind his baby blues, it was just him. One hundred percent Ed Tucker staring back at her.

"Ed…" she breathed out, reaching her hand out and grasping his tightly. The relief of having a physical connection to him was palpable, and Ed could see that written all over her face. So he sat there patiently, allowing her some time to gather herself.

There were a million things she could have said; a million things she wanted to say. But she couldn't form words. So instead, she squeezed his hand tightly in her own, offering him a teary smile.

"I'm really glad you're here with me," she said, her voice cracking and full of a tearful emotion. If Ed were anyone else, he would've been disappointed in that response. But to Ed Tucker, it was everything he needed to hear.

He never expected her to crack open immediately upon his arrival and fall into his arms. That was just not Olivia's personality. He had to chip away slowly the first time, and he was prepared to do so again. The mere fact that she was glad he was there, with her, at five in the morning during a blizzard, was all he needed. Ed scooted closer to her, resting their still clasped hands on his thigh and bouncing them a bit, as he reached up with one hand and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm always gonna be here," he said, his voice low and raspy, his eyes holding onto hers. "For as long as ya want me…"

Olivia, again unable to formulate a response, bit her bottom lip and nodded in an attempt to keep her tears from falling. But she failed the moment Ed lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each one of her knuckles, still keeping his eyes on hers.

Not bothering to wipe away the stray tears, Olivia leaned forward, just a little closer.

Ed's breathing sped up as his eyes raked over her face in a nervous anticipation.

Olivia licked her lips, looking for any sign that Ed didn't want this, but she found no such sign.

So she leaned even further towards him, two of their hands joined together while her other reached up to stroke at his cheek. But just as she was about to press her lips against his, a loud and terrified cough began to fill the apartment.

Brown eyes widening into saucers, Olivia immediately jumped up and ran towards the back bedroom with Ed close on her heels. Arriving in her bedroom, she made a beeline for her small son who was sitting up, red faced and teary eyed, struggling to catch his breath as he coughed violently.

"Okay, Noah," Olivia soothed, her tone seemingly calm but Ed knew she was scared. "Okay baby, it's okay. Mommy's here. Try to breath for me, okay?"

Olivia sat patiently on one side of Noah, holding his little hand and trying to get him to breath through the coughing fit. But it wasn't working.

"He needs the machine," she mumbled to Ed, looking up at him and he nodded quickly.

"I'll grab it and get the generator. Hang on No, I'm gonna make it better," he said quickly, kissing Noah's head and taking off towards the living room.

Olivia continued to coach Noah through his coughing until Ed returned, already having attached the little oxygen mask to his contraption. Fiddling a bit until it was turned on, he watched as the moisturized air began to flow from the mask and handed it to Olivia.

Placing the mask over her son's face, Olivia felt her body relax a bit as she watched him take deeper and deeper breaths

Exhausted, Noah laid back down on his pillow, holding the oxygen mask in place, his eyes moving back and forth between Ed and Olivia, who were perched on either side of him. Olivia ran her left hand through his hair and reached out to Ed with her right, wanting some reassurance. As soon as she felt him squeeze her hand back, she lifted her head and caught his eyes as they shared a look. Despite the raging blizzard outside, causing nothing but havoc on New York City, the storm that had been badgering the little trio inside was slowly beginning to let up. Or at least, that was their hope.

* * *

 ** _Two steps forward, one step back. The journey and the slow burn continues...but first, review?_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_#Tuckson #AreTheyEverGonnaGetThatKiss #KeepReading #EndGame_**

* * *

"Feeling better, sweet boy?" Olivia asked, as Noah sat up and took the little mask off of his face.

"Uh-huh," he said softly, crawling into her lap and burrowing in her chest.

"I'm so glad," Olivia breathed out, burying her nose in his hair and closing her eyes in relief. "So so glad."

"Tucker here?" he asked, not moving from his mother's arms, but managing to look over at where Ed was sitting on the other side of the bed.

"He is," Olivia said softly, her eyes catching Ed's above her son's head. "He came over with a machine so you could use your mask if you needed to…"

Noah lifted his head at that statement, looking a bit more closely at the other adult occupying his mother's room.

"Fank you," he said quietly.

"You're very welcome, Noah," Ed replied, feeling a sudden rush of emotion fill his heart at the sound of the little boy's voice. But he quickly squashed it and went to poke his tummy, eliciting a giggle.

"That tickly!" he squealed, his voice still a little hoarse, while he grabbed Ed's hand to divert the poke. Despite the gravely tone, Noah seemed to be back to his usual silly self.

The trio resumed a comfortable silence, Noah still awake but not bothering to leave Olivia's arms, and she was not quite ready to let him go either. Ed allowed Noah to keep a loose grip on his fingers as he watched the mother and son very content to just be together.

"Watch movie?" Noah asked, rubbing his eyes and finally sitting up, looking between Ed and Olivia.

"The power's out, baby," Olivia responded with a hint of regret. "I don't know how we would…"

While Ed was busy trying to figure out if there was a way to get a movie to play using his battery, Olivia seemed to get her own idea.

"Let's see if the iPad is charged," she said, moving Noah off of her lap and padding over to her dresser. "I've got some of your movies downloaded on there…"

Noah watched her, eyes hopeful, as she sorted through what was now a very messy dresser and finally found her iPad buried under a pile of work files.

"Look at that, sweet Noah," she said with a smile. "Full battery!"

"Yea!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands and bouncing a bit on the bed. "Mater?"

"You just watched Mater, silly boy."

"Again, Mommy!"

"Okay," she said. "You wanna curl up under the covers and I'll set it up?"

"No, wanna be wiff you and Tucker…"

Olivia felt her heart snap a bit at the fact that Noah included Ed in his sentence. Brushing it off and assuming it was just because they had both been with him during his coughing fit, she gave him a soft smile and eyed Ed.

"You'll be more comfortable here in Mommy's bed," she tried to reason with him. But he shook his head hard.

"No, wanna be wiff you," he insisted. "On da pallet."

Olivia let out a sigh and rubbed her head a bit. Ed, being familiar with Noah's particular attraction to his living room pallet, got up and stretched a bit.

"I'll get it set up for him," he said softly.

"Thanks," Olivia said, giving him a smile and watching as he exited the room before turning back to Noah. "You're a lucky little boy that Tucker came over tonight, huh."

"Yep," he said, moving back into her lap and playing with her necklace. "I a lucky boy. You a lucky Mommy."

"Yeah," she whispered, holding him close and kissing his head to try and stop the emotion from once again filtering out of her. "I sure am."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Noah was out cold on his extra cushiony pallet made by Ed. He had moved the coffee table to the side, so that the pallet was right in front of the couch giving both adults the ability to keep a close eye on Noah's breathing. The iPad was still aglow nearby, softly playing the sounds of Radiator Springs into the apartment. Olivia and Ed were both curled up, close but not too close, on the couch and watching the little boy sleep.

"I'm so glad you were here with that…thing," Olivia said softly, finally tearing her eyes away from her son and look at Ed. Her brown orbs were oozing gratefulness, but also exhaustion.

Ed reached out and lightly touched her cheek.

"Me too," he said, his own voice heavy from the night's events.

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes darting back and forth between his own. "I don't know what I would've done…"

"Hey," Ed said, hearing her voice crack once again. "You don't have to go there. Not tonight. I was here. Noah is fine."

"I know, but…"

"No buts, Olivia," Ed said, making sure to look straight into her eyes to convey his point. "We've got enough to worry about without adding to it with the what ifs."

Olivia offered him a smile and a nod, knowing that he was right, but she couldn't help but latch onto his last sentence when he used the term "we". Deciding she was too tired to try and analyze that, she settled further back into the couch and lightly brushed his thigh with her foot.

"You're right," she said softly, turning her head to watch her son again while Ed's eyes wandered over the window and the blizzard.

"Wonder how much we will end up with," he murmured, standing up and going to look out the window. "Jesus, ya can't see a thing…"

"Well, it isn't even five in the morning," Olivia quipped, turning to smirk at the man who was standing before her.

Ed let out a chuckle.

"Nice to know your sarcasm hasn't changed," he let out, immediately regretting the statement but Olivia seemed to take it in stride.

"No," she said, standing up and going to stand next to Ed in the window. The duo stood there, arms barely touching, watching New York City get blanketed in snow. "Other things, maybe. But that? No."

Ed took a deep breath and turned his head so he was looking down upon Olivia. Her brown hair was messy, still the bed-head look, and haphazardly thrown back into a bun. Her face didn't have a trace of makeup, showing off the freckles that graced her complexion. But her mouth was back into it's normal frown.

"Ya haven't changed a bit, Liv," he whispered, his voice husky and also emotional, causing Olivia to look up at him, her brown eyes worn but yet hopeful. "Not one bit…"

"Maybe that's the problem," she mused, shrugging at him and padding into the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"Sure," he said, before watching her begin to laugh.

"The power is still out…so that may have been an empty offer…"

"How about we make some tea then," he offered and she raised an eyebrow.

"Tea, Tucker?"

"Yes," he said somewhat indignantly. "Tea… _Benson_."

She shook her head at him and set about making them some tea, puttering around while Ed watched every move she made.

 _She's gorgeous,_ he said to himself. _Absolutely gorgeous._

"Milk? Sugar?" she asked, snapping him out of his lust, oblivious to his observations.

"Nah," he said, taking the mug and thanking her, before blowing a bit and sipping. "It's good…"

"It's the stuff you bought," she teased him, coming back around the counter and signaling for him to follow her to the couch.

"Yeah, well," he said. "Guess I have good taste in tea…"

Olivia let out a hearty laugh, her entire face lighting up as she giggled and it made Ed's hear soar to see that. Unable to stop himself, he once again reached out and touched her cheek.

"I love it when you laugh," he said softly, instantly kicking himself as he watched her clam up a bit. "Olivia, we hafta talk…"

"I know," she said. "I know we do. I just…I wish I knew what to say?"

Once soaring, his heart now plummeted with the fear that this was all fleeting. That once again, if she started to think about what was happening, she would bolt. Push him away. Shut him out. He couldn't let that happen. Not this time. Not again.

"Say what you feel, Olivia," he coached. "Start there."

She took another sip of her tea, before turning to face him, her eyes wide.

"I feel…safe…with you here," she began tentatively, before she shrugged a bit. "I always have."

"I sense a but…" Ed whispered, trying to keep himself from reaching out and touching her. He wanted her to keep talking.

"That's just it. I don't even know what the 'but' is anymore…" she said, before closing her eyes and trying to muster up the courage to take a leap with him. The man came out in a full blown blizzard, just to make sure that her and Noah were okay. He had never once faltered with her, but she would be lying if she said that it stung when he just let her push him away.

 _That wasn't him,_ she told herself. And she knew that. She was her own worst enemy. _You pushed him away. But he's back now. Don't do it again._

"Olivia," he began, realizing that maybe she needed a landing spot before she completely opened up to him. "Maybe I shouldn't have walked away that night…and I'm sorry for that…but ya gotta know I thought I was doing what you wanted. What you needed."

"I know," she responded, her voice hoarse and shaky. "I know that…"

"And maybe you have no reason to believe this from me, but I mean every goddamn syllable I'm about to say to you," he began, using his fingers to lift her chin so their eyes were locked. "I'm not going anywhere. Not this time."

Olivia nodded, not trusting her words, before offering him a small smile in confirmation that she believed him. She trusted him.

 _Baby steps_ , he said to himself, satisfied with a tiny amount of progress. _Baby steps_.

* * *

"Sun's gonna be up soon," Ed mulled about an hour later, expecting Olivia to make some kind of sound of acknowledgment, but she was silent. They had been talking about little things such as work, Noah's preschool, and memories of blizzards growing up when a comfortable silence came over the room. Both of them seemed satisfied, comfortable, with the progress they made on their relationship just then and it was clear that Olivia was needing a break. But now after the lack of response she gave, he got concerned. Diverting his eyes back to her, Ed felt his heart snap in two.

Olivia's eyes were locked on her son, her shoulders bobbing up and down as her face crumbled under her bubbling emotions. Tears streamed down her face, but she didn't make any noise. Almost as if she wouldn't allow herself the relief of giving into the cries.

" _Olivia_ ," Ed breathed out, tentatively reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. As soon as he made contact, she shook her head and let it fall, still not making a sound but her body shaking. Ed stayed just like that, not moving, but squeezing her shoulder as he watched her try and pull herself together.

"I'm fine," she said, trying to take some deep breaths.

"Like hell ya are," Ed said. "Like hell…"

She sniffled a bit and turned her head, her eyes were bloodshot and her face was slightly pale as light began to filter in through the window.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, Ed's heart clenching at the words. She meant those words on a multitude of levels, and he knew that. But he wasn't gonna push right then. He was more concerned with how tired she was.

"How much sleep have you had in the last week?" he asked, his eyes narrowing as he studied her exhausted features.

"Not much," she said, letting out a frustrated laugh. "Likely part of the problem here…"

"Look," he said, squeezing her shoulder a bit tighter. "We aren't gonna be able to fix this overnight. Especially with you being sleep deprived."

"I just…can't seem to relax," she admitted, turning back to watch Noah.

"I'm here, Liv," he said. "Go crawl into bed and sleep. Just rest. I'll watch Noah, I'll monitor his breathing, and I promise to get you if we need you…"

Olivia sat there for a bit, wrapping her arms around herself and rubbing her hands up and down her own limbs. After a few minutes, he saw her shake her head a bit.

"I don't…I don't wanna be away from him," she said, her voice barely audible, but Ed still heard her and he could tell that she was about to say _"and you"_ , but stopped herself.

"Okay," he said. "So then lay down right here."

She looked up at him, her eyes barely able to stay open but they held his blue orbs for a few minutes before she finally nodded. Adjusting herself a bit, she slowly and tentatively laid down, her head softly landing on his thigh.

As soon as she made contact, allowing herself to melt into him and relax, Ed let out a little sigh. He reached behind him, careful not to move his lower body so he didn't jolt her, and grabbed the blanket, gently spreading it over her body.

With one eye on Noah and one on her, he moved his hand to start lightly playing with her tangled, dark brown locks. Slowly but surely, he felt her body relax as he continued to run his fingers through her hair, occasionally rubbing her ear and temple.

Eventually, with his coaxing, Olivia drifted into a deep slumber, feeling nothing but safety and security in the presence of Ed Tucker.

Feeling nothing but relief and an overpowering sense of protectiveness, Ed continued to watch Olivia as she slept peacefully for what was likely the first time in over a week. He didn't let up with his gentle caresses, for fear she would wake back up. Instead he carefully positioned himself so that his feet could rest on the coffee table that was now off to the side, and settled back into the couch, perfectly content to stay right there for as long as he could.

* * *

 ** _#BabySteps #MoreComingSoon #ButYaGottaReviewFirst_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_I thought this was a good update just in time for Tuckson Tuesday...and I hope you think so as well._**

 ** _#Tuckson #TheSlowBurnStillBurns #WithALittleReprieve_**

* * *

Olivia slowly padded out of the back hallway, still towel drying her hair after a much needed hot shower, donning fresh leggings and a gray, oversized NYPD t-shirt.

She had woken up about an hour ago, having slept hard for a good long while. Ed was still sitting on the couch, his arm now around her shoulders, as his head rested on the back cushion with his mouth open a bit as he snoozed. Trying to quietly sit up, she accidentally jostled his arm, causing him to startle.

"Liv?" he mumbled, his voice full of sleep. That tone, that rusty sleep filled tone made Olivia's stomach clench. That was how he used to sound when she would come home to him after a long case and wake him up for a little distraction. Those evenings when he would have convinced her to let him relieve Lucy and take care of Noah. Those evenings that she would get home after midnight to a perfectly clean apartment, a plate of food in the microwave with a note attached, and a shirtless Ed Tucker in her bed. Those evenings that she gave up, in hopes of focusing more on her son. Those evenings that she now knew she wanted back, but didn't know how to get herself there.

Quickly swallowing all of that down and patting his shoulder, she assured him she was fine and she just needed to use the bathroom. He rubbed his eyes a bit then moved his hand to rest on her thigh, squeezing gently.

"Take your time. Shower if ya want," he said. "Us men are fine out here…"

Giving him a smile, she took him up on the offer, allowing herself the luxury of a long shower and feeling incredibly grateful to live in a building that had gas operated stoves and water heaters. As she came into view of the living room, she stopped in her tracks and allowed her heart to melt just a little bit.

Her son had since woken up so he and Ed set up what looked to be a little neighborhood made out of Legos for his cars to drive around in. Noah was holding his stuffed elephant in one hand, signaling he still did not feel that great, but his other hand was pushing his car around the "streets" and narrating to Ed each place he was stopping.

"Dis da p'lice," he said softly. "You p'lice like Mommy."

"That's right," he confirmed, pushing his own car around the neighborhood, but keeping his eye on the little boy. "Is that where your car is going?"

"Yeah," he said softly, pulling it in and making a 'vroom' noise. "You go here too," Noah quietly commanded, watching as Ed maneuvered his matchbox car around the streets and parked it next to Noah's.

"Good?" Ed asked, looking for confirmation that he had played correctly. He got a firm nod.

"Yep. We boff at p'lice," he said, before looking up and lighting up at the sight of his mother. "Mommy! I play cars wiff Tucker."

"I see that," she said softly, coming around the couch and sitting on the edge, running her hand through his hair and then feeling his forehead. "You're still just a tad warm, No, are you feeling okay?"

"Uh huh," he said, crawling into her lap and cuddling into her chest, rubbing the elephant over his face. "I fine…"

Ed let out a little laugh as he watched the pair, shaking his head a bit.

"Like Mother, like Son," he whispered, his eyes playfully pinning Olivia's and causing her to smirk a bit, clearly proud that she had a mini-me.

They stayed like that for a little while, Noah happily curled up in his mother's lap and Ed looking on. His heart yearning to be let back into that world, to be a part of their family again. Seeing them there, Noah still pale and sniffly and Olivia with wet hair and no makeup, he had never loved them more. And it scared him that he might be heading for yet another heartbreak.

"How about some breakfast?" he offered, refusing to go there in his head just yet and standing up to stretch a bit, while Olivia watched him closely.

"Whatcha have in mind?" she asked softly, kissing at Noah's head. "You hungry, sweet boy?"

"Uh huh," he said, nodding softly. "P'cakes, Tucker? Boo-berry?"

"Blueberry pancakes, huh?" Ed asked, not able to hide the smile that graced his face. Blueberry pancakes had been their special breakfast on mornings when none of them had to be anywhere, and Ed had stayed the night. Noah clearly remembered.

"I think we have the stuff," Olivia offered, looking up hopefully at Ed. "If you are up for it?"

"I'm always up for blueberry pancakes with the two of you."

* * *

"I add da boo-berries now?" Noah asked from where he was patiently perched on the counter, clutching a cup of blueberries Olivia fortunately had in the freezer. Ed whisked the batter a bit more, before taking a good look then hold the mixing bowl closer to Noah.

"Okay bud," he said, coaching him a bit. "Pour them in here…"

Noah, for all of his patience, had clearly had enough. He flipped the cup upside down so all the berries rushed into the batter causing a small splash. Olivia tried to stifle a laugh from where she sat on a stool on the other side of the counter observing.

"Good job, No," Ed said, shooting her a look and a tiny smirk. "Okay, now help me stir."

Watching her small son grasp the wooden spoon, covering Ed's hands with his own, Olivia found her heart once again clenching. But this time, she didn't have long to wallow.

"Mommy, look!" Noah said happily, his eyes moving to his mother to make sure she was watching.

She offered him a smile and reached out to touch his cheek.

"You're doing a great job, Noah," she said. "I can't wait to taste them."

"Not yet, silly," he said with a grin and Olivia noticed his little tongue was sticking out a bit as he concentrated on mixing the fruit in. "Gotta cook first!"

As the boys worked a little more on the batter, Olivia heard her phone ringing off in the distance.

"You okay here?" she asked, quickly realizing it was back in her bedroom.

"Of course," Ed nodded. "Take your time."

Olivia swiped her fingers over Noah's cheek once more before darting to the back room and grabbing the phone before the caller hung up.

"Benson," she barked breathlessly.

 _Hey, Lieu, it's Sonny._

"Oh hey, Sonny. How are things there…do you have power?"

 _Running on generators right now, so all's good._

"Great, so what's up?"

 _First, you and Noah doing okay?_

Olivia froze a bit. Was she supposed to admit that Ed had come over in the middle of the night? That he was still there? That her and Noah were doing absolutely wonderful, all due to the fact that he braved a blizzard to show up with a battery operated generator?

"We're fine," she said, settling with her usual line and adding a bit more to get Carisi to back off. "Noah seems perkier this morning. Wanted pancakes."

 _An appetite. That's a good sign._

"Yeah," she sighed. "So talk to me."

 _Elena's back here._

Olivia's heart sank. Was she going to have to go in to work? Shaking her head, she pressed for more information.

"Why, what's going on?"

 _Not sure, as usual she wants you._

"Carisi…" Olivia began, but faltered. She had never, not once, said no when a phone call was made to her about a victim. But her heart was torn. Her little boy was still sick, and despite feeling well enough for pancakes, his coloring still wasn't great and he had a low grade fever. If she left him again, and something happened, she would never forgive herself. "I'm not sure I want to leave Noah…"

 _I know you don't, Lieu. And I'm prepared to either call Rollins, or just tell her I'm the best we can do today. But, I didn't want to not call you…_

"No, I appreciate it," she said, and she did. If she had found out later that Elena requested her and she was not made aware, she would have been upset. "I just…can you see if she will talk to you? Just this once? Make sure she knows how sorry I am. You can even tell her my son is sick…"

 _You got it Lieu. And really, don't feel bad._

"Easier said than done," she mumbled, rubbing her forehead as the guilt was already seeping in. "Okay, talk to her. If it's bad, and you think she really needs me, call me and I'll figure out how to get down there."

 _Of course._

"Actually, call me no matter what once she leaves, or even if she's still there and you need help," she commanded. "I wanna be kept in the loop."

 _Absolutely._

"Oh, and Sonny?" Olivia said. "Thank you…"

 _I'm proud of you, Liv. And I promise I will keep you up to date._

Olivia hung up the call and tossed her phone on the bed, allowing her head to fall forward and her shoulders to slump. That was not an easy thing for her to do. But giggles, followed by the coughing of her son snapped her out of it and she hurried back out to the kitchen.

"Noah?" she asked, alarmed until she saw that Ed was holding him and helping him sip some water, while talking softly in order to soothe the little boy. Approaching slowly, she put her hand on Noah's forehead. "He feels cooler…"

"Yeah," Ed said, his eyes still on the boy. "He just got to giggling, didntcha No?"

"Uh huh," he responded, his little voice still raspy. "Tucker funny."

"Yeah," Olivia whispered, taking Noah from Ed's arms and holding him close, kissing his little head.

"You don't hafta go in, do ya?" Ed asked, his eyes almost downcast as he prepared himself for the answer.

"No," she said softly, her cheek resting on Noah's head. "I told Carisi to handle it and keep me in the loop…"

Ed's eyes popped up to hers, a little bit of shock and a little bit of pride in the blue orbs.

"Good for you, Liv."

She offered him a smile and was about to respond, but Noah beat them both to the punch.

"Tucker?" he whispered. "P'cakes?"

The adults just laughed and Ed went to ignite the stove.

"Let's get them started, bud."

* * *

Several hours later, the power had come back on and Ed was reluctantly beginning to realize he was out of reasons to still be at the Benson apartment. Noah was sleeping peacefully on his beanbag chair, facing the snow. He had a minor meltdown earlier once he realized that the blizzard was over, but he wasn't going to be able to go outside to play. Ed had helped him calm down, by moving his beanbag chair over by the window and setting him up so he could look outside as he rested.

"Fanks, Tucker," he had said softly, before letting out a yawn and curling up with his elephant and a fuzzy green blanket.

"You're welcome, bud," Ed responded, but it fell on deaf ears as Noah was already asleep. He squatted next to him a bit longer, watching him snooze, before Olivia resurfaced from getting an update from Carisi.

"Soothing to watch him like that, huh," she said, her voice low but sincere as she took in the sight before her.

Ed immediately straightened up and shoved his hands into his pockets, shifting a bit out of nervousness.

"Yeah," he admitted, looking around a bit before settling his eyes on Olivia. "I guess I should get going. Probably should run into the office for a bit, make sure things aren't falling apart…"

Olivia wrapped her arms around herself, also not knowing what to do with his impending departure. As the duo stood there, looking at each other, Olivia realized she needed to say something.

"Ed," she began, walking up to him, taking his hands, and moving them to her face so she could kiss them. "Thank you. For looking out for me. For us."

"Always," he responded, his eyes having the same determination as they did when he told her that over a year ago. Thinking back to that night, Olivia couldn't help but let out a soft sob before stifling them once again.

Ed moved forward and cupped her face in his hands, rubbing her cheeks with his thumb.

"I mean that," he said, catching her downcast eyes and looking straight into them until she nodded her head that she believed him. Giving her a soft smile, his thumbs stoked her cheek once more before releasing her face and walking past her to grab his jacket and snow boots. "I'm gonna leave that machine here for ya…just in case something happens again…"

"That's great, thank you," Olivia responded, her arms wrapped around her waist again and her voice a little shaky. "And I'll keep you updated on how Noah's doing…"

"I appreciate it, Liv," he said. "The more information the better…"

Not trusting her voice, she nodded her confirmation to him and watched as he took a deep breath and made his way to the door. Suddenly gripped with a fear that she didn't know when she would see him again, she called out uncharacteristically.

"Wait," she said, her feet planted, for some reason not moving, but her heart was racing. "I…well…"

Ed, realizing where her head was at and knowing she was struggling to find the words, decided to help her out.

"Mind if I stop by tomorrow after work? I can pick up whatever the little guy wants for dinner."

"That would be great," Olivia replied, relief pouring from her tone. "Really great."

"Okay then," he said, nodding at her and turning once again to leave. He had just made it to the door, his hand on the lock, when Olivia once again called out to stop him.

"Ed…" she said, her feet suddenly taking on a life of their own as they hurried over to where he was standing, his winter coat still open revealing the wrinkled blue polo he had been wearing for almost 24 hours. His hands were empty, given he was leaving the machine and the bourbon with her. But his face was puzzled.

"Liv?" he asked questioningly as she moved closer. His blue eyes locked on her brown ones as she stood before him, biting her bottom lip as her lashes fluttered.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia did what she had been wanting to do since he walked in her door at three in the morning. She reached out and grabbed his blue polo, bunching it into her hands at his sides, and pulled him to her, standing on her tip toes and pressing her lips against his.

Surprised, Ed let out a groan as soon as their lips met and his hands immediately moved to her head, half cupping her face and half buried in her hair.

The kiss was short but passionate, and as Olivia pulled away, they were both breathing heavily. Ed's eyes were closed, reveling in the feel of her lips against his once again. When he finally opened them, he offered her a small smile.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For being you…for being here…"

Ed leaned forward, placing a kiss on her forehead before turning to leave.

"I'll see ya later, Liv."

* * *

 ** _You're welcome._**

 ** _So we got a thigh grab and a tiny kiss. Two steps forward...what happens next?_**

 ** _Review to find out!_**


	10. Chapter 10

**_#Tuckson #SlowBurn #TwoStepsFoward #OneStep..._**

* * *

Olivia breezed into the one-six, eyes ablaze. It was just after lunch when her cell phone rang with Fin saying she needed to come in to the office for a bit. He didn't give her much of an explanation, just that it was urgent. Knowing he wouldn't have made that call if he didn't have to, she reluctantly called Lucy to come stay with Noah, threw on work attire, and made her way down to the station feeling nothing but frustration and a tiny bit of worry about what was waiting for her.

"Why am I here?" she barked, looking around at each of her detectives and narrowing her eyes. Fin jumped up, hands in a defensive position.

"Whoa, Liv, hang on a sec," he said, before nodding towards her office. "You have a visitor…"

Olivia looked through her blinds, noticing her office was open even though it shouldn't be, and she saw Chief Dodds pacing.

"What the hell," she mumbled, her eyes softening at Fin but they were still curious and frustrated. "Fine."

Without saying another word, she marched into her office and closed the door, leaving behind three wide-eyed detectives.

"Can I help you, Chief?" Olivia said, her tone meaning business and her posture stiff. He knew she was home with a sick child, and she couldn't possibly figure out what would have caused him to summon her down to the precinct without an explanation.

"Yes, actually," he said as he straightened up and gestured for her to sit. She kept her eyes narrowed at him as she rounded her desk, pulled her laptop out of her bag, and sat down carefully. "I need your detectives to get me more evidence now that these cops have been charged…"

"Chief, all due respect, but if you called me down here to tell my detectives to work harder…"

"That isn't all," Dodds said, interrupting her and earning yet another Benson glare. "1PP is breathing down my neck about you being a physical presence with this investigation…"

"I've been out for less than a week. My son had pneumonia."

"I know that," he assured her. "And they do too. But, this case involves NYPD officers…and you know how that goes…"

Olivia let out a reluctant sigh and rubbed her brow. She had a feeling this was coming, given that it was now Thursday, and she had not been in the squad room since Noah was placed in the hospital the previous Saturday.

"Chief…" she began, her tone softer but there was something else Dodds noticed in it. Exhaustion? Surrender? Reluctance?

"Olivia," he said, once again interrupting her in a way he knew she hated, but he had to get his point across. "I know you are in a tough spot. I'm going to try and keep you covered…but you gotta give me something here…"

"Understood," she said, giving him a tight smile and nodding. It wasn't clear to Dodds whether or not she was still upset with him, but she seemed to at least understand what he was saying. "I'll see if Lucy can stay with Noah for a few more hours today so I can be more hands on."

"Great," Dodds said, standing up and walking towards the door. Before he turned the knob, he froze and looked back at her. "Don't stay past five…"

As he closed the door behind him, Olivia dropped her head into her heads and took some deep breaths. She knew that it would only be a matter of time before 1PP was demanding her back at work, given they were now working to prosecute three highly decorated officers, but she hadn't expected it this soon. And she definitely did not expect her reaction to be as strongly rooted in anger as it was. But when she got that call to come down, while her son was curled on her lap watching an episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates, her blood began to boil.

Now, sitting in her office, she tried to calm herself down and get back into the headspace of work. Lucy was fine with Noah for a few hours, and with the insistence from the Chief to leave by five, she wasn't feeling the pressure to stay more than those few hours. None the less, this was a different feeling for Olivia. It was still a tug, pulling her between her child and her work, her personal life and her job, and ultimately a possible pull from Ed again. But her mindset felt slightly different this go around. And she couldn't pinpoint why.

"Fuck," she whispered, feeling it all crash around her. It was so easy to get caught up in the moments during the blizzard when no one had anywhere to be. They could just exist stress free, aside from Noah's illness, and feel like they had all the time in the world to just be together, the three of them. But now as she began to ease herself back into working full time, the reality of why she pushed him away to begin with came barreling into her mind.

Ed had been so amazing with her and Noah over the last few days. To Olivia, the last twenty four hours in particular felt like he had never walked out of her apartment. Like she had never pushed him away. Steady, comforting, and providing that wall of support that she needed as she worried and fretted over her little boy, Ed Tucker was everything that she remembered him to be.

Then there was the kiss. She had stood there, watching him head to the door, and it was like their break up all over again. The fear and panic she felt as he put his boots on and reached for his coat, the small slump in his shoulder as he likely also worried about whether or not he would see them again, it was too much for her. Olivia didn't want Ed to walk out her the door that time, at least not that way. Thinking back, she was surprised she had taken that initiative. It was unlike her to get that clenching need in her gut, but that is what she felt for Ed Tucker. And as far as she was concerned, he had more than earned it.

The question in her mind now, was whether or not she was going to be able to find that balance she so desperately craved. That Ed had made clear he needed from her, in order to make their relationship work. That balance that would also provide her son with two strong parental figures to depend on and to love him.

The ringing of her office phone startled her out of her trance and she blinked a few times, before picking it up.

"Benson," she barked, straightening up her shoulders and shelving all of those unanswered questions until she could get home again.

* * *

Further downtown, an exhausted Ed Tucker sat at his desk with similar thoughts and worries playing through his head. In fact, he had overheard chatter in the conference room about whether or not Olivia had been back to work and it took everything he had in him not to burst into the meeting and give them a piece of his mind.

He could see it coming. The pressure from the brass for her to get back to work, at least part time, while Noah was recovering. And he knew Olivia well enough to know that she was going to struggle a lot with that.

The real question in his mind was where he came into play on her radar. Sure, things felt like they were heating up again when they were literally trapped inside of her apartment during a blizzard. But what would to happen to that feeling when their lives returned to normal? Was she going to push him away again?

That thought terrified Ed Tucker. It caused his entire stomach to clench with such a trepidation that it almost took his breath away. If there was one thing he learned, or was reminded of, during the twenty four hours he spent at Olivia Benson's apartment, it was that he was head over heels in love with her. And he was determined to not let her push him away again. Unless he could tell that was what she really wanted. But even then, he wasn't sure he could walk away from her again. At least not willingly.

He shook his head, remembering back to that fateful night in her apartment. How he had just given in to her excuses. How, despite even saying that he is good at reading people as a way to agree with her reasoning, he could still tell she didn't really want him to go. That he was getting the characteristic Olivia Benson defense mechanism. Their relationship got bumpy, it got hard, and instead of waiting for him to break her heart, she did it for him.

"Dammit," he whispered to himself, running his hand over his face and trying to stop his mind from racing, but it was to no avail.

Those first few months after he walked out of Olivia's apartment were hell for him. He consistently questioned whether he made the right decision, whether she was okay, did she miss him as much as he missed her. Last night on her couch, he got his answer in the way she gravitated towards him. But despite the fact that he was elated at this possible second chance, his gut told him to be careful. Because they wouldn't be snowed in together forever.

* * *

"Tucker bringed cookies?" Noah asked as he sat in his booster seat at the dining room table. His mother sat at the head of the table and Ed sat on her other side, across from the little boy.

When Ed had called Olivia a little before five, her voice had seemed strained and that was when she told him the chief had called her in for the afternoon. He felt his heart drop, fearing she was going to cancel their plans, but she surprised him.

"No," she had said after he questioned whether he should still grab dinner for them. "Please do. Maybe some kind of hearty soup from that corner deli you like?"

Soup from the corner deli was exactly what Ed set out to get. In fact, he got several different kinds just in case Noah was not up for one of them, and then Olivia could freeze the rest for the next few days.

Now as they all sat around the table, he could sense that she was having some kind of internal struggle, though she was trying her best not to let it show. The couple focused their attention and energy on Noah as he picked around some of the vegetables in the minestrone soup and continued to take just enough bites to earn a dessert reward.

"Tucker did bring cookies," Olivia said with a smile before reaching over and scooping up another good bite of soup for him. "But I need you to take three more bites just like this before you can have one okay?"

"Dey choc-lit?" he asked, his eyes narrowed as if he were trying to strike a bargain. But Olivia just returned his look and leaned her head down, causing mother and son to have a little stare-off.

"Chocolate chip," she said before she raised her eyebrow. Noah looked at her a bit longer, before he eventually saw the eyebrow raise and immediately took a bite of his soup. "Good boy," Olivia said, her voice had softened and she ran her hand through his hair.

Ed watched with amusement. He had no doubt that Olivia was an amazing mother. She loved Noah with every fiber of her being, but she was also strict and Noah knew that. The best part, to him however, was watching how she raised Noah to be just as head-strong. So it was almost as if he was watching the little boy counter-part of Olivia Benson take on the actual, female adult version of Olivia Benson.

Eventually, Noah finished the required amount of soup and was granted a cookie. In fact, Olivia even allowed him to eat it on his bean bag chair while watching a movie. Once he was content and quiet, she returned to the table.

"Want a top up?" she asked, grabbing the bottle of red that her and Ed had opened upon his arrival.

"Sure," he said, holding his glass up and meeting her eyes as she poured him what was left of the sweet beverage. Sitting back down, Olivia grabbed her glass and took a sip, still under the watchful eye of Ed.

"So they had ya back at work, huh?" he asked, sitting back a bit and settling in for a conversation. But he saw her tense up a bit and his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Yeah," she admitted, putting her glass down and letting out a sigh before mumbling her next phrase. "Pressure from 1PP…"

"The cop case?"

"Yeah," she allowed. "Apparently the higher ups want to make sure a commanding officer is present for all of it…"

"They can't expect that," Ed said softly, with annoyance in his voice, though he didn't bring up his overheard conversation. "That's ridiculous."

Olivia just shrugged.

"I thought the same thing," she said. "Dodds at least softened up before he left, making sure I knew to leave no later than five, but…"

"Gotta wonder how long he will push for that," Ed finished for her.

"Exactly."

"Liv…" he said, his voice a soft but gruff whisper and his eyes pleading. She looked up at him as he reached over to grab her hand, squeezing it comfortingly, as she read his thoughts.

"I know…" she breathed out, understanding exactly where his head was in that moment. She brought his hand to her lips, kissing it firmly, before resting them back on the table, still joined. Giving him a small smile and keeping her hand firmly locked in his, she didn't say anything right at first. He could see the gears turning in her brain, and he couldn't decide if it scared him or gave him hope. Eventually, in an odd sense, he decided it gave him both. But she still wasn't responding, despite the loving look she had in her eyes for him.

"Olivia, I will be whatever you need me to be. I will give you as little or as much space as you need. I would do anything in the world to keep you, and Noah, in my life. But I just need to know it is gonna be different this time. For us."

* * *

 ** _Are they going to figure it out this time, now that life is back to normal?_**

 ** _You know what to do..._**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Reviews don't seem to be posting right now and I've messaged support to get it fixed. But in the mean time, I still get the email notifications - so keep them coming! You know how much it motivates me :) Eventually all of your lovely reviews will show up right where they belong!_**

 ** _#Tuckson #WhenThingsAreToughJustReadFanFic_**

* * *

It had been one week since Ed Tucker and Olivia Benson sat at her dining room table promising each other that this time, this attempt at a relationship, was going to be different. Ed had held onto Olivia's hands as tightly as he could as she promised him she was going to try harder, to put them and their relationship higher on her list of priorities. And in turn, he told her that he wouldn't push her. He would be steady, right next to her, in whatever way she needed. He didn't need her to retire or work less, he just needed to be with her.

"I'm not askin' to be at the top, Liv," he had said, his voice so full of emotion it came out even more rusty than usual. "I'm just askin' to be close. To be on your radar. For you to trust me…"

"I do trust you," she croaked out, once again her own emotions getting the best of her, but she shook them off. "You and Noah…these last few days…have been everything I've ever wanted."

"Me too."

Now back in her office, she pushed her glasses further up on her nose and buried herself back in the witness statements and written reports her detectives had given her. The case had turned into an around the clock project, making sure they were air tight before preliminary court hearings began. But as she had told Chief Dodds earlier that morning, other cases were also coming in, so she couldn't have her detectives half ass civilian cases because they were also trying to nail some cops.

He hadn't taken that well, despite the fact he knew what she was trying to say.

So here she was, eating a salad at her desk and going over every inch of this NYPD case on her own, while Rollins and Carisi responded to a call and Fin monitored the phones. All of a sudden, a tiny piece of one of the many statements from their victim stood out to her.

 _The one guy, the tall white one, said to the shorter, fat one that I was the best one yet._

"FIN!" she yelled, her heart plummeting as she read that sentence over and over again. Why hadn't they brought this up before? As Fin hung up the phone and made his way into her office, she was hoping that he would tell her they looked into it and that it wasn't what it sounded like.

"Yeah, Liv?" he asked, seeing the look on her face and sitting down. She handed him the statement and pointed to the sentence.

"What is this about?"

She watched as Fin read it and scratched his chin.

"Did anyone press her on this?"

"I don't think Carisi did," he admitted. "This was when she stopped by during the blizzard, giving us more information that she was remembering…"

"Why didn't Carisi mention this?" she asked, her voice getting louder and her eyes wider. "Why wasn't I told about this?"

"Olivia…"

"You tell me what this sounds like, Fin," she said as she narrowed her eyes and leaned over her desk. "Tell me."

"Sounds like we may have more vics out there…" he said softly. "Dammit. How did we miss this?"

Olivia threw herself backwards in her chair, causing it to hit the cabinet behind her, but she didn't flinch. She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths.

"Olivia, this is not your fault," Fin told her, knowing exactly where her mind had just traveled. "And for all we know, Carisi did press her on it and he just hasn't told us…"

Letting out a frustrated groan, Olivia sat back up and pinned Fin with her glare.

"When they finish with the call they are on, I want them back in the squad room. They do not pass go, they do not collect two hundred dollars," she said, and Fin could tell she was not kidding around. "I want him in this office, talking to me, stat."

"I'll make the call," he said, nodding and beginning to walk out, but thought better of it and turned back to his boss and his long time friend. "Olivia, I mean it. Don't go there in your head. Even if you are right, that there are more vics, we will find them. And the cops are off the street. That is what matters. None of this is on you for not coming in that day."

With that, he walked back to his desk, leaving her office door open a bit in case she needed him again. Olivia watched him sit down and pick up the phone, having a few words with presumably Carisi, then hanging up and getting back to his own case files.

 _Listen to him, Olivia,_ she told herself. _Listen to him and just figure it out._

* * *

It was pushing five in the afternoon and Olivia and Sonny were driving back to the one-six after going to visit with Elena yet again _._ Once Carisi had returned, he and Olivia had talked at length about the day the victim had come in during the blizzard. She quizzed him on anything else that may signal that these cops had done this before, other than that statement.

Carisi admitted that he did press her a tad on what the cops had said, but Elena assumed they were comparing that to their job, and so he let it go.

"I'm sorry, Lieu," he had said, his head dropping in the office. "I shoulda known…"

"Hey," Olivia said, getting him to look back up at her. "This is not your fault. It's not my fault. It's not Elena's fault. But let's go talk to her, the two of us."

As Sonny veered the car onto the Queensboro bridge, coming to a sudden halt with the traffic, he hit the steering wheel in frustration and sat back in the seat.

"Dammit," he whispered.

"I know," Olivia agreed, looking out the window, her jaw set tightly as she mulled over their new information.

"How many more do you think are out there?" he asked, with trepidation in his voice. After questioning Elena a bit more, she remembered some other details about what the cops had said to each other as they assaulted her in her own apartment. And it all pointed to the fact that they had done this before.

"I don't know," she admitted. "All I know is I want those bastards' heads on a platter. Yesterday."

* * *

Back at the precinct, phones were ringing off the hook and unis were bustling about. Once Olivia had alerted 1PP to the new findings, they made a press release and were now asking for others to come forward with any other information. It was a madhouse in the squad room, and Olivia stood in her office door rubbing her forehead.

She was going to have to cancel dinner with Ed.

With Noah being sick, she had been hesitant to leave the child without her after working all day, meaning all of her time with Ed had been shared with Noah. Bedtime, breathing treatments, bath time, and a lot of interruptions when he decided he didn't want to sleep.

Ed, of course, hadn't minded one bit. He, too, was a little apprehensive about leaving Noah with Lucy more than necessary. Not that they didn't trust her, but he was sick. He needed his mother. And hopefully, eventually, he would need him too.

So finally, with Noah returning to a half day of preschool, Olivia bit the bullet and initiated the idea of a dinner date, just the two of them.

"So, Lucy can stay late tomorrow night," she had said, once Noah had been tucked in for the third time the night before. "I thought, maybe, well…"

Ed's eyes lit up before she could even finish the sentence. He had adjusted himself on the couch, so he was fully facing her, and took her hands in his.

"Go on a date with me?" he blurted out, his blue eyes searching hers with an excitement she hadn't seen in him in a long time.

Letting out a little laugh, she bit her bottom lip and leaned forward to place a gentle, quick kiss on his lips.

"I'd love to."

Thinking back to that conversation caused Olivia to frown a bit. Their first dinner, just the two of them since reconnecting, and she was having to cancel. What did that say about her? About her decision to make them a priority? To make them work?

Only this time, it wasn't just a made up excuse. She literally was not going to be able to leave work, and Ed would likely know that. Or at least she hoped. Signaling to Fin that she needed a moment, she went into her office and closed the door, begrudgingly reaching for her cell and dialing Ed.

 _Please don't let this ruin everything_ , she thought to herself as the tone rang and she waited for him to pick up.

* * *

Ed put his cell phone back on his desk and rubbed his face. He had seen that call coming over the last hour as he watched officers and other brass frantically move around their downtown office, as more details began to emerge about this case against the three officers.

Olivia sounded miserable on the phone. He knew she was just as disappointed as he was to be canceling their date, and to him, that meant everything. Of course he didn't want her to feel bad, but this case was an exception. It wasn't her deciding to mull over details for a fourth time instead of meeting for a drink, she was literally scouring the city for more unfortunate victims of the NYPD.

"Liv, it's fine," he had said, trying not to let his own sadness show in his voice. "I get it. This is…this case is huge…"

"I know," she had said, and he thought he heard a catch in her voice, but couldn't quite tell. "I just don't want you to think I'm not trying…"

"Hey," he had said, pausing a bit to make sure she was listening. "I don't think that. I do think that you need to nail these sonsofbitches, so that we can get back to trying…"

"Ed," she had said, her voice full of relief at his statement. "Thank you…"

"You don't have to thank me, Olivia," he said. "Just, check in with me as the night progresses. If you can."

"Of course," she had said, before bidding him goodbye and hanging up the call.

Now Ed was staring at the sterile ceiling of his office and wondering what she was up to. Hoping she wasn't spending her evening worried about their rekindled relationship while she was trying to do her job. That was the last thing he wanted.

Finally the light bulb went off and he reached for his phone to text her.

 _How about I go relieve Lucy, hang out with Noah, and do bedtime for you. If you can get home for a bit, great. I'll have dinner waiting. If not, well, I'll just be there._

He waited nervously for the reply to come, and continually told himself that it might take awhile given the circumstances. But it didn't.

 _Are you sure? I don't know what time I'll be home…_

 _More than sure, Olivia. Let me do this. Let me help._

 _Okay. I'll let Lucy know you'll be there soon. She's got exams coming up, so she will likely be relieved._

 _Great._

 _Thank you._

Ed's heart soared as he saw the yellow heart emoji that accompanied her last text message thanking him. Smiling a little, he logged back into his email to finish things up as quickly as he could before heading out and having some guy time with little Noah.

* * *

It was just before midnight before Olivia quietly entered her apartment. Ed had kept her up to date on the happenings with Noah, and even included pictures of their adventure to get some pizza and the subsequent sauce spill on his favorite Batman shirt. She had laughed and responded that she was glad they were having fun, once again thanking Ed for doing this.

 _I wanted to, Liv,_ was his response. Her heart melted.

Having not stopped to do anything but drink precinct coffee, her stomach was rumbling and her eyes were tired, but as soon as she rounded the foyer she stopped in her tracks.

Ed was asleep on his back, snoring lightly on her couch. Noah, looking bathed and dressed in his monster pajamas, was curled up on his chest with his head tucked under Ed's chin.

"Oh my," she breathed out, trying to stop the tears that were building at the sight before her. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined returning home to this after the day she had.

 _This is what I want. All the time,_ she said to herself, quietly sneaking past them and into her room where she tossed her bags down and changed clothes, before washing her face and throwing her hair up. Padding back into the kitchen, still hearing the soft snores of the men in her life, she poked her head in the fridge and found a takeout container with pasta primavera in it. One of her favorites.

Unable to stand it, she set the cold dish on the counter and went back into the living room, perching on the coffee table and gazing at the sleeping guys. With a reluctant smile, she gently lifted Noah off of Ed. The little boy didn't stir, but Ed did as he adjusted himself and looked up at her, his eyes lids still drooping but a smile growing on his face.

"Welcome home," he whispered, his voice full of sleep.

"How long were you two asleep out here?" she asked, cradling her baby boy and kissing his head as he continued to slumber against her chest.

"Maybe an hour?" he said, looking at his watch. "He woke up around ten, so we curled up here and watched a cartoon until I guess we both fell asleep."

Olivia just smiled at him before she stood up and slowly walked Noah back to his room, taking her time tucking him in, kissing at his face, and cooing her "I love yous".

She finally cracked his door a bit and returned to the living room, where Ed was now sitting up and throwing his shoes on.

"Thanks for doing this," she whispered, sitting next to him, her eyes watching his face as he tied his shoe.

He paused and straightened up a bit, meeting her eyes.

"I wanted to," he rasped. "I want to keep doing it…"

Olivia swallowed hard, but didn't say anything. She wanted that too, but her head was beginning to spin at the speed he seemed to be moving

Ed noticed right away.

"I didn't mean that as pressure," he said quickly. "I meant it more like I wanna to be on your call list when ya need help…"

"You are," she assured him and watched as he nodded, finished with his shoes, and stood up with a groan and a stretch. "Easy there, old man."

"Who you callin' old, Benson?" he quipped back immediately, giving her a smirk. Their banter was easily, seamless even, despite the time apart and recent stressful days.

Olivia stood and followed him to the door. She had thought about inviting him to stay, but it felt too soon. Too intimate. Especially since she had essentially cancelled their first real date.

Ed paused at the door and turned around, placing one of his hands on her cheek and leaning in to kiss her forehead, then her nose, then her lips briefly.

"Text me tomorrow," he whispered as he pulled away. "We'll rain-check our dinner…"

"Sounds good," she said, giving him a smile as he walked out, the door closing softly behind him. She latched the chain and made her way slowly back to the kitchen, admiring the messiness of her couch and smiled at the thought that it was Ed who had made it messy.

 _See, you can do this,_ she said to herself as she popped her pasta in the microwave. _Don't fuck it up this time._

* * *

 ** _It is almost as if Olivia is slowly figuring out that pesky little balance word, huh? Will they ever get their rain-check?_**

 ** _Review for more..._**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Here is a Friday present. It is still a slow burn, but hopefully this helps. You all are simply "da best" and have no idea how much you brighten my day with your amazing and often funny reviews!**_

 _ **#Tuckson #SlowBurn #OliviaBensonDeservesThis**_

* * *

"Mommy!" Noah exclaimed as Olivia barreled through the door a little after five the following Tuesday evening. She had just under an hour to visit with Noah and get ready for her and Ed's rain-check.

Work was still just as busy as ever, having had two more victims finally come forward over the weekend. The more they dug into the case, the deeper it seemed to go.

"Someone's covering for them," Fin finally said out loud, knowing his other colleagues were thinking the same thing, as they sat around the metal table in the one-six looking at their large screen with crime details on it on a Friday afternoon.

Olivia nodded.

"The question is _who,_ " she said softly, chewing on her pen, glasses on the end of her nose as she looked through the officers' jackets.

As soon as Olivia let Dodds in on the fact they were thinking there was a cover up, all hell had broken loose once again. 1PP was demanding the investigation move to IAB, much to Olivia's dismay, and she was fighting it tooth and nail.

"Let us make sure we at least have all of the victims," she finally pleaded to the Chief of Detectives, as well as Dodds, when she had been summoned downtown first thing Monday morning.

They agreed.

So she had gotten back to work, pushing her detectives to keep digging. She was staying in touch with the three victims they had so far while Fin, Rollins, and Carisi worked overnight and into Tuesday making sure they weren't missing someone else.

Finally around four, Olivia let out a sigh and tossed her glasses on the table to rub her eyes. Fin, noting the time, leaned forward so he could get a good look at her.

"Go home, Olivia," he said gently, knowing Amanda and Sonny could hear but also knowing they agreed with him. "Go shower, cuddle with Noah, call Ed…."

Ed.

Her head snapped up at the mention of his name. She hadn't really let on that her and Ed were trying their relationship out again, but as she eyed her three detectives, they clearly already knew. She should've known better than to hide things from her squad.

Letting out a sigh, she took one more look at the evidence board before standing up.

"You know, you're right," she said. "But call me if anything breaks…"

Now that she was home, Noah had crashed into her and had a iron clad grip on her blazer.

"No more work?" he asked, his voice muffled seeing as it was buried in her silk shirt. She just squeezed him tighter and kissed at his head.

"No more work," she said, but then pulled back and put her forehead against his. "But Mommy and Tucker are going to go to dinner tonight. And Lucy will stay with you. Is that okay?"

"Tucker date?" he asked, his little face not showing any sign of disappointment at being left out as his hands fiddled with her Fearlessness necklace.

"Yep. A Mommy and Tucker date," she said.

"And Noah-Lucy date," he exclaimed, deciding he needed his own date and Lucy fit the bill.

Olivia just laughed and looked over at Lucy who was smiling.

"Yep, you and Lucy can have a date too," she said. "I'll leave money for pizza."

"Otay!" he exclaimed and squirmed to get down, heading right back to his cars that were set up on the coffee table in only a way that made sense to him.

"Thanks for doing this, Lucy," Olivia said gratefully, but her exhaustion was clear in her tone. "I know I've been asking you for overtime a lot recently."

"It's fine, Olivia," she assured her. "He's an angel, and even helps me study!"

"I hold up da cards," he said proudly. "Den Lucy say da answer…"

"My sweet boy," Olivia whispered, messing his hair a bit and laughing as he squirmed away and gave her the stink eye.

"Mommy…" he grumbled, causing Olivia to laugh harder before she headed back towards her room.

"Lucy, I'm just gonna get ready, but yell if you need me…"

* * *

"Is this place new?" Olivia asked, as Ed handed both of their coats to the hostess to be checked, before placing his hand on the small of her back and following the server to their reserved table in the back corner.

He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of her ever since he picked her up about ten minutes ago. Deciding it was best for him not to come inside her apartment and get Noah riled up again, he waited a bit impatiently out in the hallway, near the elevator. Pacing a bit, hands in his pocket, he took some deep breaths unsure of why he was so nervous. But as soon as she walked out of the door, his jaw dropped.

Watching as she tucked her red handbag under her arm to lock her door, he had to work hard not to drool all over his fresh suit and tie. She was wearing a simple black dress that hugged every single one of her curves in the best of ways. The long sleeved garment hit above her knees and showed off her well-toned and incredibly sexy legs. As if that wasn't enough, Ed's final gut punch came when he laid eyes on her heels. Silky, bright, and red, they somehow accentuated her olive colored skin and caused her ankles to flex in a way that made her even sexier.

"Ed, you okay?" She asked, having come towards him with a smirk on her face as she must have been watching him eye her up and down. But he wasn't done taking her in.

Moving his eyes from her feet, slowly up her legs and hips, he noticed that the dress was pretty low cut, showing just enough of her cleavage and gorgeous collar bone line. She still wore her Fearlessness necklace and simple gold earrings, while allowing her curled hair to fall over her shoulders.

Finally, meeting her eyes, he gave her a sheepish grin.

"Sorry," he had said reaching for her hands and pulling her closer for a quick kiss on the lips. "But goddamn you look gorgeous…"

As they neared the table, Ed kept his hand on her lower back making sure all the other patrons in the darkened, upscale restaurant knew that she was off limits. Olivia Benson was his date, and if he had his way, no other man would ever touch her again.

Now, seated across from her, never allowing his eyes to leave her body, he once again found himself not hearing her question.

"Ed? Hello?" she asked, waving her hand in front of his face a little before both of them broke into a small laugh. "Ya know, my eyes are up here," she said with a smirk that just about brought him to his knees.

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head and reaching out for one of her hands, gripping it and playing with her fingers. "I'm sorry. I'm here. I'm listening."

"I was asking," she began again, her eyes still bright with amusement, "if this place was new."

"Maybe a couple years old?" he said, scratching his head as he thought. "I've never been here, but a couple buddies at work would mention it was a go-to anniversary place. Thought we could check it out."

"I like it," she said, her voice low and husky as she kept smiling at him. Just then, their waiter appeared and politely excused himself into their conversation.

"Can I get you two anything to drink?"

"Liv?" Ed asked, looking at her with his eye brow raised, allowing her to make the decision.

She paused a bit, pretending to peruse the menu, before placing it down and looking into Ed's hopeful eyes with a knowing smirk.

"I think I'd like to try the bourbon."

* * *

The waiter came to clear their plates away, leaving a dessert menu behind. The evening had gone seamlessly. Ed and Olivia had caught each other up on the latest from work and then both deliberately decided to curb the work talk and focus on other things.

Ed learned that Olivia was dying to see Dear Evan Hansen, but hadn't had the time to snag tickets.

Olivia learned that Ed had recently purchased a cabin up in the Adirondacks, so he was able to leave the city and the stress of work on occasion.

In fact, the two were so engrossed in catching up on each other's lives outside of work, that neither noticed when the lights were adjusted a bit and a live string quartet began to play in the opposite corner. Tearing their eyes away from each other, the couple looked over and saw that tables had been rearranged to make room for a small dance floor just to the left of where the musicians were seated. A few couples, who they supposed had visited the restaurant before, were already on the dance floor swaying softly.

Ed turned back around and grasped Olivia's hand, bringing it to his lips and looking into her eyes.

"Dance with me?"

Her mouth went dry as she raised her eyebrow at him. Dancing? Ed Tucker? In all the years she had known him, and even after they started seeing each other the first time, she had never quite picture him as a romantic type; as someone who would take her on a trip to the dance floor. But unable to resist spending time resting against his strong, protective frame, she gave him a smile and a nod.

Ed took her hand and led her through a few tables before they reached the open space. Slipping one arm around her waist to hold her close, he took their still joined hands and placed them against his chest as they swayed back and forth.

They didn't move much, as the music was slow and the space was small, but it didn't matter to either of them. The tunes of soft violins and cellos filled their ears as their eyes stayed locked on each other, their faces so close they were almost sharing the same breath.

More time must have passed than they realized, because somehow Ed noticed that the waiter had dropped off the raspberry cheesecake they planned to share. Reluctantly, he looked down at the woman in his arms and took a breath, stalling a bit before interrupting their moment. Her head was resting against his chest, their joined hands still against their bodies. Ed Tucker was pretty sure he could spend the rest of his life with Olivia in his arms, but eventually the cheesecake would melt and the manager would kick them out of the restaurant.

"Liv," he whispered, his voice husky as he kissed the top of her head. "Dessert is there…"

She slowly lifted her head from his chest and smiled at him, her eyes still semi closed.

"Okay," she said, leaning up to kiss his lips gently, before extracting herself from his grip and leading them back to the table.

* * *

Ed still hadn't let go of Olivia's hand as they walked down W. 69th Street towards her building. Occasionally allowing their shoulders to bump, the couple strolled mostly in silence, both basking in the sereneness of their evening together. As they neared her building, Ed began to feel a tinge of regret seep into his bones, knowing that the night would end here. Obviously they had spent many hours in bed together during their first try at a relationship, and Ed was itching to have her body back against his. But this time felt different.

It was different. And they both had a silent understanding about it. This time, he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. That they were both committed to making this work. Ed was not going to rush Olivia back into bed, merely because of his own desire for her. He wanted it to be perfect because that is exactly what she deserved.

As they entered her building, she gave a shy nod to the doorman and Ed wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side while they waited for the elevator.

"I just wanna make sure you get in okay," he said softly into her ear. She looked up at him and smiled her thanks, as the elevator arrived and they stepped in.

No sooner had the doors closed, then Ed had pulled Olivia's body flush against his. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, he watched for any sign that she was hesitating, but he found nothing. So he slanted his lips over hers, letting out a soft groan at the contact.

His hands were situated on her lower back, making sure she was as close to him as possible, as he felt her arms snake around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Her mouth opened to him, allowing his tongue to finally plunge into her sweet mouth, exploring as many crevices as he could before they ran out of time.

As his cautiously slid one hand down and over her behind, he felt her sigh into his mouth encouraging him to give it a squeeze, before the dinging of the elevator interrupted their moment, signaling they had arrived on her floor.

Pulling back from each other, but not too far, Ed looked at her as her chest heaved and she reached a hand up to her lips and smiled at him.

The door opened and the couple stepped out, albeit shakily, Olivia leading the way around the corner and to her front door. Before putting the key into the lock, she turned around.

"I had the best time tonight, Ed," she said softly, reaching up and stroking his cheek.

"Me too," he breathed out, placing his hand over hers. "I'll call ya tomorrow?"

"I'll be waiting," she said, leaning up and placing one more soft kiss on his cheek, before turning to unlock the door and disappearing inside.

Ed stood there for a few more minutes taking some deep breaths, before heading back down the hall to press the down button on the elevator. As he waited, he couldn't help but think back to the diamond ring that was still stashed in his sock drawer. A few months ago he had considered taking it back, but something stopped him. And now he knew why.

He was getting another chance. Olivia was giving him another chance.

As he stepped onto the elevator, he allowed his head to lean back against the wall. There was still a nagging feeling inside of him, even after the perfect evening, and he couldn't quite decipher what it was. Deciding to ignore it for now, his face crinkled into a grin as he straightened up his tie and confidently walked off the elevator and out of Olivia's building, nodding at the doorman with his characteristic cocky smirk.

* * *

 ** _Well, how are we all doing? Review, please :)_**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Sorry for the two day lag, but I really needed a weekend off. I imagine this update will have been worth the wait.**_

 _ **#Tuckson #SlowBurn**_

* * *

To say the last week had been hell would have been an understatement.

The SVU detectives had unfortunately unearthed a sea of suspects, including many commanding NYPD officers, who may have helped cover up the assailants now known throughout New York City as the "NYPD's Own Serial Rapists". It was a nightmare.

To top it all off, the pressure that was falling on Olivia's shoulders from 1PP was astronomical. Chief Dodds was in their squad room every day, putting pressure on them to bring more evidence in. At the same time, the Chief of Detectives as well as the IAB Captain who had replaced Ed were also in their hair more than ever.

"Do you know how hard it is for us to do our jobs with everyone breathing down our necks?" Olivia had finally said to Chief Dodds, in a moment of pure frustration.

"I don't care," he had said flatly. "The media is destroying us. I want answers. Now."

Meanwhile, Olivia was lucky if she got to spend an hour a day with her son while he was awake. Her squad had been great about covering for her, usually right after dinner, so she could go home and do his bedtime routine, but it didn't always last long. Two out of the last five days of mayhem, Fin reluctantly had to call her back, resulting in tears from Noah and heartbreak for Olivia.

Tonight was turning out to be no different.

It was now after four, and Olivia was trying to send off a few emails before heading out to actually pick Noah up from daycare this one time. But before she could get her things together, Carisi knocked and her heart dropped.

"Please tell me I can still get home to Noah…" she said, her voice almost cracking out of exhaustion and emotion.

"Absolutely," Sonny said, calming her down a bit. "I just wanted to check on you."

Letting her guard down ever slow slightly, Olivia gave him a soft smile but shook her head.

"I'll be happy when this is over," she admitted, looking out into the squad room and making sure no one was within ear shot as they had their conversation.

"Seen Tucker lately?" Carisi asked with a nervous smile. It was usually Fin who would rib Olivia and bring her up rekindled flame, but Carisi had drawn the short straw about who was going to go send their Lieutenant home for a bit.

Olivia just let out a sigh and rubbed her forehead in frustration.

"A little," she said, surprising herself with the amount of information she gave her detective. "He tries to stop in when I'm home, but Noah is so clingy since he isn't seeing much of me. And Lucy is usually there…"

"I thought you had him watching the boy at night?" he asked, a little surprised.

"I did. Once." she said.

"Well, maybe you should make it twice," Carisi said matter-of-factly. It was no secret that out of all the SVU detectives, Sonny was the most keen about Ed Tucker. "Now get outta here, you know it's only a couple hours before Dodds is barking down your door again.

Olivia have him a grateful smile and scurried towards the door, before her entire body posture slumped.

Chief Dodds was walking in and he did not look happy.

* * *

Nearly an hour later, Olivia was still at her desk, head in her hands, when her call phone went off. Opening her eyes to peer at the caller, she smiled when she noticed it was Ed.

"Hey," she breathed into the phone, not even bothering to hide her exhaustion and frustration.

 _Hey yourself. That good of a day huh?_

"Yeah…"

 _So I guess this means I shouldn't drop by the apartment?_

"Shit! What time is it?" she asked, frantically wondering how late she was getting Noah.

 _It's just now five, s'okay. Want me to grab the little guy?_

Olivia's heart soared a bit. Ever since Ed had stayed with Noah last week, she hadn't really leaned on him in that way. Instead, he would drop in during her few hours at home each evening, usually bringing them dinner. It didn't lead to much alone time for the couple, but neither one had minded thus far. Ed was well aware of the case that was on Olivia's plate from his office at CIU, and he was just grateful she wasn't totally shutting him out while working it. She was letting him fill in the breaks, and to Ed that was a huge step they had never achieved their first go around. Noah kept them entertained with songs and games, and Ed seemed perfectly content to have Olivia rest her head on his shoulder as they watched him, giving her a moment of peace and serenity before she had to go back into the precinct for a few hours, knowing she wasn't likely to get home again until after midnight.

Lucy would usually take that hour or two to run home, grab some fresh clothes, and head back. Once goodbyes were said and little boy tears had dried, Ed would walk Olivia out and drop her back at the office, giving her a tender and chaste kiss goodbye.

But Olivia knew that tonight Lucy had a study group for one of her bigger exams which was the entire reason that Carisi had tried to rush her out the door, even though it failed.

Knowing she was in a pinch, she let her mind mull over the question of why having Ed pick Noah up from daycare felt different from him staying with him the one night last week. But to Olivia, it felt like yet another step. One more rope she had to let go of in order to make this relationship work. And while that was her main goal, she was exhausted and stressed which was likely the only reason she was sitting in her chair, on the phone with Ed, overthinking this minor detail.

She wasn't scared, but each time they had moved forward this time around, she had that nervous flutter in her stomach. The one that said 'This is it. Don't screw it up this time.' That feeling was always fleeting, going away as soon as the three of them settled into the new found element. But right now, as she sat in her office watching Dodds pace around the desks of her detectives while unis ran in and out with more information, the fluttering returned.

 _Am I still on the list?_

Olivia heard Ed's voice bring her out of her own thoughts, his tone was still steady but he was likely nervous about her extended period of silence.

"Yeah," she said, allowing him the knowledge that even after their first break up, she hadn't taken him off of the approved list of adults who could take Noah from daycare. Her small circle of trust remained between her, Lucy, Ed, and Rollins' sitter.

 _Its not a problem. I'm heading out now, I can pick him up and grab dinner on the way to your apartment. That way you don't have to rush._

"Are you sure?" she asked, rubbing her eyebrow and letting out a deep breath. The relief of knowing that Ed would safely pick up her little boy and make sure he was taken care of, while she worked this case was palpable in her voice.

 _Positive. Are you okay?_

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "Just…"

 _I know._

"I'll try to get home as early as I can…"

 _Olivia?_

"Yeah?"

 _It is fine. We are okay. Let our part of the pressure weighing on you go for now._

"Ed…thank you," she said, her voice once again cracking a bit as their relationship continued to strengthen, little by little, day by day.

 _Anytime. Just be careful._

Hanging up the phone, Olivia allowed herself a few moments to pull herself together. Ed was going to pick up Noah from daycare and the little boy would likely be elated. She was sure he would spoil him with pizza and ice-cream, but the thought just made her smile. It all seemed perfect, with the one exception of her not being there for it.

* * *

Surprisingly, Olivia made it home a little after nine. But not after yet another argument with Dodds about how much longer SVU was going to be allowed on this case.

She was exhausted. Coming in the door, she crept quietly through the foyer just in case her boys were asleep on the couch again, but that was not the case. ESPN was playing softly, illuminating the room in a glow, and Ed was on her couch, beer in hand, feet propped on the coffee table.

It was like he just belonged there.

"Hi," she whispered, giving him a soft smile and rounding the furniture so she could lean down and kiss him softly.

"Hi," he said back, his blue eyes lazily looking up at her. "Ya okay?"

She shrugged.

"Lemme change and check on Noah," she said. "Don't move."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Olivia made her way back to her room, tossing her blazer haphazardly onto the bed and heading into the bathroom. After washing her makeup off and throwing on cotton shorts and a tank top, she padded into Noah's room and crept over to his little toddler bed.

"My baby…" she whispered, as she all but collapsed onto the floor, sitting right next to where his head was on the pillow. Olivia ran her fingers softly through his hair, her eyes staying on his face. He looked completely happy and at peace in whatever dream world he was in.

She could stay in this position forever. And she might have, had her stomach not made a rumbling noise, signaling she was hungry. Remembering that Ed Tucker was still on her couch, she kissed at Noah's face and stood up, stifling a groan. Leaving his door opened just a crack, she made her way back into the living room and collapsed on the couch right next to Ed, immediately allowing her weary body against his and finally letting out the breath she had been holding all day.

Ed didn't say anything. He just adjusted himself so he could wrap an arm around her shoulders, and he kissed the top of her head, allowing himself a moment to inhale the faint scent of her shampoo.

"What a nightmare," she muttered, nuzzling her cheek into his chest a bit more and moving an arm to lazily rest across his stomach.

"I know," he said. "Been following along as best I can…"

After a few more moments of just being silent together, Olivia lifted her head and rested her chin against him, so she could look into his eyes.

"I have a bad feeling about this," she said softly, closing her eyes as Ed leaned down and kissed her nose.

"Me too," he admitted.

They remained like that for a little while longer, Olivia finally feeling like she could let her body relax a bit and Ed enjoying the relief of having her in his arms, not pulling away.

"Ya hungry?" he muttered, knowing she needed to eat but not wanting to let her go. She shook her head against him.

"Not yet," she whispered. "I'll eat later. Right now I just wanna be with you…"

"Whatever you want," he said, voice still low and soft, kissing her forehead. "You just tell me…"

"We should probably talk about…us…" she finally said, her voice somewhat muffled by his chest, but Ed still heard every word she said. His arm tightened around her, almost as if he were afraid of her running, but she went on to reassure him.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, mirroring his own trademark phrase. "I just meant…clearing the air a bit."

"Okay," he said, slowly sitting up a bit, allowing her to do the same so they were both inches from each other, but still face to face. He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, giving her a soft smile, trying to soothe her nerves about anything that might come up. "What should we tackle first?"

Olivia let out a little laugh and smiled at him, taking a deep breath and letting the nagging question flow out of her mouth.

"How long were you with Beth?" she asked, watching his blue eyes widen. He clearly had not been expecting to dive in that fast, but he recovered quickly and placed his hand on her bare thigh as he began to answer.

"About three months," he said, rubbing his forehead with the hand that was not on Olivia's leg. "Met her at one of those stuffy fundraisers the NYPD often makes some of us attend. Ya know, to make us look good…"

He had tried to lighten it up with that jab at the NYPD, but Olivia's eyes were still locked on his, with something swirling in her chocolate colored orbs. So he went on, hoping he could give her enough information to make her realize Beth was not who he wanted.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time," he said. "She had what I was looking for. Nine to five job, wanting to get out and 'smell the flowers'. All that jazz…"

Olivia felt like she had been punched in the gut. Swallowing her feelings, she reached out and grasped his hand that was still on her thigh. They remained there, but she was holding onto him for dear life, desperate for him to keep going. To somehow reassure her.

He did.

"But I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't happy with her," he said. "Sure, we spent more time together, had more freedom. But something wasn't right. Something was missing."

"What was that?" Olivia managed to croak out, her head swirling again with questions.

"You…" he whispered, leaning in and rubbing his nose against hers, and watching as she closed her eyes with relief. "She wasn't you. I didn't care about smelling the flowers if it wasn't with you…"

"Ed…" she said, a tear escaping down her cheek. He moved quickly, swiping it away and then kissing the area that it left a slightly damp trail. "Did you…"

"No," he said, shaking his head before ducking it a bit to catch her eyes. He needed to look at her when he said this. "I never could. And, maybe it was wrong of me to string her along. But…I thought I had lost you. I thought maybe I would hafta settle for her. I know now it would've never lasted. Each time I dropped her back home, I would walk away with you on my mind…"

Olivia's tears were now flowing in torrents. The words she had longed to hear from him were exactly what he was saying. Despite her pushing him away, despite her holding him at an arms length, he once again was steady. He wanted her.

"I just…" she said, shaking her head and taking some deep breaths, trying to calm herself down so they could keep talking. Because he was looking at her, his own blue eyes pleading, likely wanting the same information.

"Liv…" he whispered, his rough yet gentle hands reaching up to cup her face, his thumbs catching her tears. "I needta know…"

She nodded again, taking one big deep breath and making sure her brown eyes locked on his.

"I tried," she admitted. "Went on a few dates. There was one guy…an agent I met at work…but, it never went further than the third date."

Ed kept looking at her, clearly not entirely reassured.

"I didn't trust him," she said. "I didn't trust anyone enough to bring them home. Into my bed. Where my son was sleeping in the room next door."

He let out a breath, pulling her face towards his and kissing her lips. It was as if the relief of knowing that no other man had put his hands on her in the last year caused him to briefly lose control.

Using his tongue to part her lips, he tilted her head back before plunging in and exploring her mouth, swallowing a groan as she, herself, got lost in the kiss.

One hand staying on her face, his other hand snaked down her arm lightly, the feel of his fingertips tickling her skin.

Olivia reached out to grasp his t-shirt in her fist, making sure he kept kissing her. And he did.

Finally needing some air, Ed pulled away and nuzzled her nose a bit, eyes still closed, before pulling back and meeting her slighter brighter orbs.

"You could have any guy in the world, Liv," he whispered, his index finger tracing her jawline.

"Maybe," she said, shrugging and showing off the insecurity she still harbored about herself, before releasing his shirt from her fist and placing that hand on his chest, rubbing a bit. "But I only want you."

* * *

 ** _Next chapter we are thrown for a bit of a loop. But for now, leave me those reviews and I might write faster! #SheOnlyWantsHim_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_#Tuckson #SheOnlyWantsHim #HeOnlyWantsHer #ButIsThatEnough_**

* * *

"Higher, Mommy, higher!" Noah yelled out, his laughter echoing through the park as he gleefully allowed the wind to fly through his hair. Olivia's smile was larger than Ed had ever seen it as she stood behind the swing and sent her little boy flying higher into the air. He stood off to the side of her watching the scene, a total sense of peace and serenity washing over him. This was what he meant by smelling the flowers. This exact moment.

It was not yet ten in the morning, several days following the emotional conversation she and Ed had shared on her couch. Chief Dodds had offered for Olivia to take the morning off, given the amount of overtime she had put in. Clearly he was feeling a little remorse for the amount of time he was forcing her away from her small son. Olivia had messaged Ed, wondering if he could get away for a bit and meet them at the park near his office. Of course he jumped at the chance, informed his secretary, and headed out the door picking up a fancy coffee for them on the way.

It had now been over a month since they had initially reconnected and both were falling back into the routine of enjoying the small moments together. Noah was back to his old self, running around without a care in the world. Olivia had him back in preschool, but selfishly kept him home just this one day so they could catch up on their time together.

She pushed Noah's swing with one hand, sipping her caramel latte with the other, and eyeing Ed. He was right there, smiling and occasionally snapping photos with his iPhone. For some reason, the fact that he was taking photos of them added an extra layer of comfort for Olivia. They seemed to finally be getting the hang of this whole relationship thing, and it seemed far less complicated than before. Though it was still early, she was beginning to feel good about it.

"Okay, No, that's high enough for now," she finally said, pausing from her continuous pushing and letting him swing back and forth as she walked a few feet to Ed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder, as they both watched the little boy.

"Thanks for letting me join you," Ed said, his voice going right into her ear, sending shivers down her body. She turned her head a bit and gave him a quick peck on his chin.

"Of course," she said, before turning back to watch Noah. "We want you here."

"I want to be here."

"Mommy!" Noah yelled, as the swing began to slow down too much for his liking. "Wanna do da slide!"

"Okay, sweet boy," she said, starting to extract herself from Ed's embrace, but he stopped her.

"I'll grab him," he said, eyeing her to make sure it was okay. "You finish your coffee…"

Olivia smiled and nodded at him, watching as he went and lifted the boy easily out of the swing, tossing him in the air and eliciting a new round of giggles.

"Tucker!" Noah squealed, as he landed safely back in Ed's arms and his feet were placed on the ground. "You watch me do da slide."

"Okay," he said. "I'll be right here. Careful on the steps!"

"I careful, Tucker," Noah said, almost as if he were annoyed to have such a thing said to him. He clearly knew how to operate playgrounds at the ripe age of four.

Ed watched, his smile growing and the crinkles around his eyes showing up more. As Noah got to the top, he looked out and waved, making sure he was still being watched. Ed waved back and felt Olivia's arm reach around his waist as she sauntered up beside him, resting against his side for a bit.

"He's confident," Ed observed, a hint of pride on his voice.

"He is," she admitted softly. "Hasn't always been. Preschool has helped."

"Nah," Ed said, glancing over at Olivia quickly before delivering his next line. "He has you for a mother. That is what has helped."

Heart melting a bit, Olivia offered him a smile as she was unable to come up with a response. She quickly kissed his lips before they both turned and watched Noah happily fly down the slide, pop back up, and run back around.

"Gonna do it 'gain!" he yelled. "You keep watchin'!"

"Okay," they both said simultaneously, sharing another flirtatious glance.

Noah was on his way back up when Ed felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Dammit," he whispered, digging his cell out. "Just a sec…"

Olivia shrugged, signaling it was perfectly fine for him to take the call, and looked back at her son. She watched him slide a few more times before Ed came back, a look of remorse on his face.

"I gotta go back in," he said quietly, his hand grasping her elbow as if he had something else he needed to tell her. "And I imagine your chief will be calling soon…"

"Why?" she asked, dread filling her voice as she glanced quickly at Noah who seemed fine, then focusing on Ed.

"Sounds like we are close to finding the cover for those… _men_ ," Ed said, refusing to call the three officers who had been raping all those women NYPD. In fact, he was loathe to even use the term 'men'. But he continued with his news. "May be someone from IAB. Just not sure who."

"Jesus," Olivia breathed out, not expecting that answer. She called for Noah to be careful as he climbed started digging in the dirt, then rubbed her eyebrow. "Wasn't expecting that."

"I know," Ed replied. "I gotta go in, help them scour the jackets since I know a lot of the guys from back when I was Captain."

"Of course," she said, nodding and leaning up for another kiss. "Let's pack up here and we will walk you back, before I find a place to meet Lucy."

"Sounds perfect," Ed replied as Olivia yelled for Noah to come on over. He skipped over and wedged himself in between Ed and Olivia. She tossed his backpack over her shoulder and smiled as Noah reached up to grab each of their hands as they began to walk out of the park, onto the sidewalk, and towards Ed's office.

* * *

Olivia arrived back at the one-six just before noon, which seemed quiet for the time being. Rollins was perched on Fin's desk, both of them poking through some Chinese food with chopsticks, while Carisi was on the phone.

She breezed through, nodding to her detectives and saying hello.

"How was your morning?" Rollins asked, noticing that the Lieutenant seemed a bit lighter.

"Just what I needed," she admitted, offering her a smile. "Been missing my boy…"

"I get it," Amanda replied, looking back down into her lunch and poking around for a carrot, popping it into her mouth. "I get that way when I'm tugged from Jesse too much."

"Well, you let me know if you feel like something is too much," Olivia said, understanding her position.

"Thanks, Lieu. But I'm good for now."

"Hey, what about me?" Fin asked, teasing both of the women in the room. Olivia just rolled her eyes.

"I never have to guess when you need something," she said with a teasing tone, before turning and heading into her office. "Fin, come catch me up."

He shot an eye roll at Amanda as he set his food down and followed Olivia into the office, shutting the door, and plopping into his usual chair across from her desk.

"What didja do with your morning?" he asked, his eyes clearly trying to figure out if she spent it with Tucker as well as Noah. But she didn't bite.

"Took Noah to the diner for the cheesy eggs he loves," she said, her face breaking into a smile just thinking about it, as she unpacked her work gear and fired up her computer. "Then we went to the park and played until Dodds called."

"I'm glad you were outside," Fin noted. "It's oddly warm for the end of February."

"Mmmhmmmm," Olivia said, opening her email and surfing a bit as Fin kept looking at her. She just changed the subject. "Anything new?"

"Got several leads," he began, leaning forward and making sure he had her attention. "Most outta 1PP which will be a real treat…"

"No kidding," she scoffed.

"We are gonna have to kick the case over soon, Liv," he said honestly. "This is getting beyond our scope…"

Olivia closed her eyes, letting out a sigh as her head fell onto her hand and she looked at him.

"I know," she admitted softly. "I wanted to hang onto it as long as we could, just so I could oversee the handling of the vics…"

"You mean Elena?"

"No," she said, fire shooting out of her eyes at the notion that Fin thought she was treating one victim differently than the others. But then she softened. "Well, partly. She's fragile."

"She is," Fin said. "But you'll still be able to be there for her. Just in a different capacity."

Letting out a deep breath and realizing that Fin was right, she gave him a look.

"I better call her," she said. "Give her a head's up. Soften the blow when we are taken off the case…"

Fin stood up, giving her a sympathetic smile and nodded.

"Sounds good," he said, opening the door be grumbling in good humor. "My food is gettin' cold…"

* * *

A little after five that evening, Olivia was on the phone with Lucy, going over a few things.

"I'll probably be another hour," she said into the phone, trapping it with her shoulder so she could use both hands to answer a quick email. "Are you okay to get him fed? I'll take care of bath time. He's likely a mess from the park earlier…"

She nodded a few times, listening to the response from the young lady, before her eyes caught sight of three men looming in her squad room. Doing a double take, she realized it was the Chief of Detectives, along with Chief Dodds and another man whom she assumed was also a 1PP detective.

"Hey Lucy, I gotta run…" she said quickly, her stomach falling a bit. "I'll let you know if anything changes…"

She hung up the phone and stood quickly, making her way out of the office and into the squad room, where the three men were checking out the video board Carisi was working off of.

"Chief?" Olivia asked, making her presence known. "To what do we owe this visit?"

"Hello Lieutenant," he responded, as Chief Dodds shoved his hands in his pockets as a way to let Olivia know this was not his visit. "We need a word with you."

"Of course," she said, her voice sounding strong and sure but her insides a little rattled. "Carisi don't leave until I go over that…"

"You got it Lieu," he said, his eyes following them with a bit of worry. This did not look good.

Once they were in Olivia's office with the door closed, she turned around, not yet sitting, and crossed her arms.

"What's going on?"

"Maybe we should sit down," the Chief of D's said, but Olivia shook her head.

"No thanks," she responded, her tone still respectful but firm. She did not like the looks on their faces.

Dodds stepped forward a bit, trying to take the reigns.

"We received some more information this afternoon regarding the case against the NYPD officers," he began slowly, keeping eye contact with her. "It came in an unmarked envelope."

"Okay…" she said slowly, wishing they would just get to the point. Luckily, they did.

"It was a direct threat to you, Lieutenant," Dodds said, his voice soft and his eyes sympathetic.

But Olivia didn't quite understand.

"What do you mean, a direct threat to me? What kind of threat?"

The Chief of Detectives, obviously not thrilled with being challenged on the information, decided to take over.

"The envelope contained a typed letter, specifically naming you as a target," he said gruffly. "We have reason to believe that this person will try to make good on his threat. So I'm ordering a protective detail on you, effective immediately."

Olivia scoffed.

"That's not necessary," she said, shaking her head. "I'm well-trained to do my job. I can protect myself."

"All due respect, Lieutenant, this is not your call," he responded, Dodds looking as if he agreed when Olivia shot her eyes over to him.

"I do not want a detail," she said, her voice still very firm.

"Here," Dodds said, handing her an envelope which she opened slowly, her hands barely shaking. "Take a look at these, Olivia. You may change your mind."

Olivia eyed them both as she pulled the papers out of the folder and her mouth went dry. Under the typed letter, detailing his plans for her, were pictures of her pushing Noah on the swing with Ed looking on in the background. It was from their park excursion earlier that day.

Tearing her eyes off of the photo, she looked up at the three men, clearly a little rattled.

"These are from this morning…" she whispered, so they knew the time frame they were dealing with. "Ed met us at the park this morning…this person was there…watching us…"

"Lieutenant, this is Detective Scott," the Chief of Detectives said, now knowing that he had her attention. "He will be your detail for tonight. He will escort you home, check out your apartment, then will be stationed outside of your building in an unmarked car. If you so much as hear a PEEP that is out of the ordinary, you are to radio him."

"Chief…." she began, her head spinning. She had been threatened before, and much worse, but the fact that this person had a recent photo of her with her son had shaken her. And the men noticed that.

"We are going to keep you and your family safe, Olivia," he said, his voice softening a bit. "Please don't fight us on this. In fact, I've got someone on the way to let Captain Tucker know about the recent developments for you."

Olivia just nodded, her mouth had gone dry and her mind was racing, not quite comprehending that they were notifying Ed for her or what the implications were behind it.

"Noah?" she said, eyes darting back and forth between the chiefs.

"There is already an officer outside of your building," they assured her. "He will be fine until you arrive."

Nodding, Olivia hurried to pack up her stuff, unable to stop her hands from shaking at the thought of her son being in any kind of danger.

"Let's go," she whispered, hurrying out of the office with Detective Scott trailing her. Chief Dodds hung behind, ready to explain to the other detectives what was going on.

As they waited on the elevator, Olivia pressed the down button excessively as she was anxious to get to her son. But another feeling began to creep into her core. One she was not as familiar with. It was a longing; an almost desperate need to be near someone. Pulling out her phone, she didn't think twice about firing off a text before entering the elevator and closing her eyes, trying to relax.

She wanted Ed.

* * *

 ** _Ruh roh. Leave that review!_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Updates may not always happen daily, y'all. Prepare yourselves now. Apparently I have to work for a living because SVU still hasn't called me to fix the mess they've gotten themselves into. But anyways, should never be more than a few days between updates. And who knows, maybe I'll say fuck it and write forever and start a Go Fund Me for bills and shit._**

 ** _But I digress._**

 ** _Let's get back to the important issue here. #FixingTuckson._**

* * *

Ed was speeding up the West Side Highway, his heart racing as he replayed the last half hour of his life.

 _"_ _They threatened Olivia,"_ he kept hearing, over and over as he walked briskly down the hallway and towards the elevator of his building.

 _"_ _They had photos of you all at the park this morning."_

That was the line that made Ed's entire body clench. He had immediately stood up, grabbing his phone and coat, and nodding at the officer signaling he should go. Doing a quick check for his wallet, he had rushed out the door not even bothering to shut down his computer.

As soon as he got to the elevator, pressing the down button, his phone had buzzed. It was Olivia.

 _Meet me at the apartment ASAP. Please?_

It was about as close to her admitting that she needed him that he had ever gotten. Annoyed that the elevator was taking so long, Ed opted to take the stairs two at a time, down four floors, and into the parking garage.

Now, as he neared her apartment, Ed just wanted to be in the same room with her and Noah. To know that they were safe and secure. Ultimately, he knew they were fine for the time being. The detail was there, as well as another officer, but that didn't relieve his worry. The only thing that would make him feel better was for him to be there himself to keep watch over them.

He screeched to a halt on her street, looking for parking, and by some miracle found a spot right across from her building. Taking a deep breath, he worked to calm himself a bit, knowing that he didn't need to show up looking like a total mess. He needed to be a reassuring presence, not a basket case.

Ed crossed the street, noticing the unmarked police cruiser, before he buzzed up to Olivia's apartment, announced himself, and slipped in the door, making sure it latched behind him. Once again waiting on an elevator, he reached in and pulled out the key Olivia had given him last week when he had picked Noah up from daycare.

 _I'm just gonna use my key, okay? Don't freak out._

He shot off the message, making sure she knew that it was just him that was about to enter, before stepping onto the elevator and closing his eyes. He was almost there.

* * *

"Ed…" Olivia breathed out, as she heard the key rattle in the door and his footsteps enter her foyer. He quickly discarded his coat on the coat rack and made his way over to her, his fingers lightly brushing against her cheek before he pulled her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm so glad you're here…" she said, her face buried in his chest as she allowed him to sway them back and forth a bit. She wanted to stay in his arms longer, but Noah finally got wind of Ed being in the apartment.

"Hi, Tuck!" he said, apparently having adopted a shorter nickname for the man. They had tried to get him to just say 'Ed', but apparently Noah had other plans.

"You not Ed," he had exclaimed, shaking his head and playing with his tie. "You Tucker. Tuck!"

Once he had shortened his name, dissolving into giggles at the prospect of a nickname for his friend, there was no more arguing. Of course, knowing that the little boy had given him a special name caused Ed's heart to swell with pride. Noah trusted him. And in turn, maybe Olivia could finally let herself go with him as well.

Now, back in the apartment, Ed turned around at the sound of his name and squatted down to greet Noah.

"Hey bud," he said as Noah came towards him for a hug. "Whatcha up to?"

"Nuffin," he said, shrugging and again reaching to play with Ed's tie. "Wanna play?"

"Absolutely," Ed said, releasing him a bit and standing up. "Just let me talk to Mommy for a bit then maybe we can color together."

"Otay," he said, pleased with that answer, and he skipped back over the the table where he was set up.

Once he was assured that Noah safely climbed into the chair and was situated, Ed turned about around and studied Olivia's face, running his hands up and down her arms.

"How ya doin'?" he asked, ducking his head a bit to catch her eyes. She just shrugged and bit her bottom lip.

"I'm fine" she said, before laughing a bit at her own answer and shaking her head.

"Sure," Ed said, pulling her to him and kissing her forehead. "You're not. But that's okay. Let's shelve it until Noah's asleep."

Olivia just looked up at him, resting her hands against his chest, her eyes sparkling despite the worry.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere, Olivia."

* * *

It was just after ten. Noah was sound asleep and Olivia was escorting Detective Scott and her overnight detail, Detective Cordero, out of her apartment, locking the door behind them. Briefly she closed her eyes and leaned against the door, allowing her head to fall back as she tried to take a second to compose herself.

Ed stood at the end of the foyer, keeping an eye on the situation but wanting Olivia to have her space. It took everything in him to force himself to ask her his next question, because he was terrified she would say no.

"Liv," he said softly, trying not to startle her. "D'ya want me to stay tonight?"

With his breath held, he waited for her answer. He didn't mean it in a sexual way. He literally just wanted to be in her apartment, near her, keeping his own eye on the situation. Despite his knowledge of who Detectives Scott and Cordero were, he didn't trust anyone with his Olivia.

Luckily, he was spared. Olivia opened her eyes and lifted her head, her eyes pleading with him as she spoke.

"Please stay," she whispered, before propelling herself off of her apartment door and moving towards him.

Ed just nodded, as he opened his arms and allowed her to collapse against him, holding her securely against him.

"I'm right here, Olivia." He spoked softly and directly into her ear as her grip tightened on him a bit and he rocked her back and forth. "Its okay."

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before she moved and signaled for him to follow her to the couch. Once they were settled, Ed with his feet propped on the table and Olivia with her feet tucked under her body, head leaning on his shoulder, they both let out a simultaneous breath.

"Liv…" Ed began, not wanting to push her but really just needing to hear her talk. Even if it was about nothing, he just wanted to keep her talking. From losing herself in her head and all of the worst case scenarios that he knew she was concocting, because he was also thinking the same things.

"Yeah?" she asked, sitting up a bit and looking at him, her hand reaching out to draw circles on his shoulder.

"Talk to me?"

"I don't even know where to begin…" she said, her voice shaking a bit, telling Ed that she was going to talk. So he just sat next to her, reaching out and twisting her hair in his fingers a bit. "When I saw those photos…"

"I know," Ed said softly, letting out his own sigh and allowing Olivia the knowledge that he truly understood.

"It was like the wind got knocked out of me," she said, almost as if knowing Ed felt the same way gave her the courage to keep talking. To keep admitting what was going through her mind. "I mean, they had been taken just a few hours before."

"I keep tryin' to figure out how I didn't realize it…" he said softly. He, too, was rattled. His mind kept sorting through the various IAB officers he knew, or knew of, and kept wondering exactly how two seasoned detectives didn't know they were being watched earlier in the day. "Why I didn't get that sense that we were being watched…"

Olivia watched his face as he mulled over the morning in his head, his eyes a bit downcast showing her that he felt responsible in some way.

"You couldn't have known," she whispered. "Neither one of us knew…"

"Yeah, but…" his voice trailed off, his hand moving from her hair to trace along her arm that was resting on the back of the couch, his blue eyes watching the motion and avoiding her brown ones. There were so many things he wanted to say to her in that moment. That it was his job to protect her. To keep her, and her son, safe. That he would die before he let anyone get their hands on them. But he didn't. They weren't quite there yet, although he suspected she could read his thoughts and likely felt very similar. So instead of putting those feelings into words and scaring the woman in front of him, he continued his soft caresses and vowed to show her how he felt somehow.

"I know," she whispered, her eyes also following the trail his fingertips left on her arm. Deciding to move past their mutual guilt surrounding the newly delivered threat, she cleared her throat a bit and changed the subject. "Sounds like they are narrowing in on whoever it is…"

"I think so," Ed allowed, grabbing her fingers and looking up at her. "Ya know neither one of us can have our hands on this case anymore…"

Figuring that would elicit a reaction out of her, Ed steeled himself. Ready to let her talk it out and vent. But it never came. She just let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head.

"Yeah," she whispered, taking a beat, pausing the conversation so she could get her bearings before she continued. "If this were a year ago? More than a year ago? I'd be more upset."

Shocked, Ed cocked his head to the side and scrunched up his eyes.

"And now?" he asked.

"Now," she started, before bringing his hand to her lips and kissing it, resting them in her lap and meeting his eyes. "Now, I'm still upset."

They both let out a little laugh at her response, a much needed break in the seriousness of their conversation topic.

"I'm still…bothered," she said, trying to clarify what she meant once they both recovered and got back on track. "But I'm trying to look at it from a different point of view. Focusing more on balance. My priorities. Where everything falls."

"Ah."

"Watching Noah play tonight. Carefree. Feeling totally safe and protected in his home," her voice cracked a bit, but she continued. "I'm that little boy's mother first and foremost. He depends on me to keep him safe. And I'd do anything, _anything_ , for him."

"Liv, you're a good mom," Ed reinforced, making sure she wasn't second guessing herself. He got a small smile in return.

"Maybe," she said shrugging. "But I can always be better."

"You love Noah. He knows that. And you also love your job," he pressed, trying to get her to say exactly what he knew was going through her mind. To finally put words to the battle she had been fighting for the last several years, starting with Noah coming into her life. The battle she had faltered with on more than one occasion, bouncing from insisting that the job was not her life, then all but admitting to him that it was when they split up the first time.

This time, however, the conversation felt different. He could sense the shift that Olivia's universe had finally fully taken and he just needed her keep to vocalizing it, one step at a time.

"The job…it will always be engrained in who I am. It will always be a large part of me, of why I am who I am. And I will always feel driven, and compelled, to do it day in and day out," she said, before pausing and letting her mind finally rest in the relief of a hard fought battle. "But, it's no longer the _only_ thing I am."

"Balance," Ed whispered, as their eyes met and she gave him a soft, playful smile as her eyes dried of the tears that were lingering.

"Balance," she repeated, her eyes cutting down to his lips quickly, before reclaiming his eyes as she leaned forward. Ed couldn't help but close his eyes and let out a relieved breath into her mouth as their lips met, softly caressing the other as their mouths opened and their tongues took up a gentle, yet familiar, battle.

As they both pulled back slightly, the need for air finally winning out over their need for each other, Olivia smiled at how their breathing moved in tangent with each other, as if they were one.

Ed studied her face and softly traced the outline of her jaw with his index finger, before letting out a little sigh.

"Olivia," he said softly, her eyes blinking as she looked at him, waiting for him to speak. "I will do everything in my power, and more, to protect you and your son."

"I know," she responded, almost immediately, but her voice caught, showing Ed that his words effected her and touched her heart. "I know you will. I trust you. _We_ trust you…"

"I trust you too," he whispered, leaning in and readying himself for another kiss as Olivia fought the damn of emotion his words were bringing up. Instead of landing on her lips, Ed made a slight detour and kissed at her cheek for a bit, nuzzling her and whispering one more time.

"I trust you."

She let out a little whimper as he moved his lips to her jaw, placing little kisses up to her ear, before once again pausing, wanting her to feel safe. To feel protected. To feel loved.

"I'm right here," he said, right into her ear before flicking her lobe with his tongue. "Always."

* * *

 ** _Hmmmm, what comes next? Maybe #SweetSixteen?_**


	16. Chapter 16

**_You guys are lucky I don't sleep._**

 ** _If you do not like smut, I suggest skipping this chapter. If you do like smut, well, you're welcome._**

 ** _#Tuckson #SlowBurnRelief #SweetSixteen_**

* * *

 **Previously:**

 _Ed studied her face and softly traced the outline of her jaw with his index finger, before letting out a little sigh._

 _"_ _Olivia," he said softly, her eyes blinking as she looked at him, waiting for him to speak. "I will do everything in my power, and more, to protect you and your son."_

 _"_ _I know," she responded, almost immediately, but her voice caught, showing Ed that his words effected her and touched her heart. "I know you will. I trust you. We trust you…"_

 _"_ _I trust you too," he whispered, leaning in and readying himself for another kiss as Olivia fought the damn of emotion his words were bringing up. Instead of landing on her lips, Ed made a slight detour and kissed at her cheek for a bit, nuzzling her and whispering one more time._

 _"_ _I trust you."_

 _She let out a little whimper as he moved his lips to her jaw, placing little kisses up to her ear, before once again pausing, wanting her to feel safe. To feel protected. To feel loved._

 _"_ _I'm right here," he said, right into her ear before flicking her lobe with his tongue. "Always."_

* * *

 **Ch. 16**

Olivia threw her head back, still sitting on the couch and letting Ed softly pepper her jawline and her neck with his kisses. He moved from her ear, down the side of her neck, and over her throat, placing soft pecks along every inch of skin he could. Occasionally his tongue would flick out, eliciting a soft gasp from her, egging him on.

As he followed a similar path from her throat, up her neck, and to her other ear, he nibbled softly on her lobe before pulling back a tad and letting out a soft groan.

" _Olivia…_ " he rasped out, his blue eyes full of desire.

She barely had her eyes open, but they were looking at him. Her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth and her cheeks were already getting a rosy, aroused tint to them. Olivia took her hands and rubbed them up and down his chest lightly, raking her nails across where his pecs were, causing another groan to come from his lips.

"Liv…" he said, his voice low and deep as his hands played with the straps on her tank top, but his eyes stayed on hers. "I want you…"

She swallowed hard, her own desire for him growing by the second as she moved her hands to grasp at his ears and pull him towards her.

"I want you, too," she whispered, her eyes locking on his before moving to devour his mouth.

Recovering quickly, Ed began to run his hands up and down her sides as their tongues joined into another battle, this time more aggressive and more urgent. He could feel Olivia's nails scratching his neck lightly and it caused ripples in his body.

A whimper escaped from her lips, causing a slight vibration against their lips and it spurred him to move closer. He needed more contact.

He needed more of her.

Shifting a bit, he moved so his back was flush against the couch and he reached to pull her into his lap. Olivia showed no resistance, immediately swinging one leg over his lap so she was now fully facing, and straddling, Ed Tucker.

Lips still connected and tongues still exploring, their hands began to move around more. Olivia began to work on the buttons of his shirt, one by one, each time moving faster as she was anxious to have access to his skin, to feel him under her fingertips.

Finally reaching that last button, she yanked the crisp white shirt open and Ed momentarily sat up a bit, shrugging the material off, before leaning back again and pulling Olivia as close to him as he could while keeping their mouths together.

Olivia's hands explored everywhere, a sense of relief seeping into her bones as she felt his strong body once again. His muscles, his strength, but also his soft and tender skin. A perfect representation of who he was to her. He was her strength, her protector. But he was also her comfort and her vulnerability. He was everything.

Ed, not to be outdone, moved his hands under her tank top, allowing his fingertips to caress her lower back before moving around to her sides and eventually her stomach.

A sharp gasp interrupted their kissing, briefly, as Olivia felt the shock of his hands on her bare tummy for the first time in over a year. Still wanting to move slow, but needing more contact, she sat up on his lap and started down at him.

Her lips were swollen and puffy from his kisses, her chest was heaving with deep breaths, and her neck was flushed.

She had never looked more beautiful.

Keeping his eyes on hers, Ed moved to remove her top, his eyes settling hungrily on the strapless cotton bra that now separated him from her breasts. Keeping his hands on her waist, he leaned forward and placed light kisses over the top of her breasts, the skin that was exposed to him, before dipping his tongue into her cleavage and licking a trail up to the column of her throat.

"Goddddd," Olivia groaned out, her body humming as his mouth resumed the task of working her over.

Knowing that was his cue to continue, he reached around and unclasped her bra, slinging it over the couch before pulling back and catching her eyes again. He wanted to make sure that she was still with him, and still wanted this.

She did.

Ed moved his hands and gently took her breasts in them, squeezing lightly and feeling their weight in his palm. Moving his fingertips to run along her collar bone, he dipped his mouth and placed harder, sloppy kisses along the sides of her breasts, eliciting sighs from Olivia, before swirling his tongue around her nipple for a bit, teasing her.

Olivia had enough.

She moved her hands to his head and guided him, pushing his face against her chest as she finally felt his lips seal around her nipple and suck lightly, his tongue flicking a bit.

"Yes, Ed," she whispered, head thrown back and encouraging him to keep going. Keep tasting her. Keep teasing her. But she also wanted more.

Olivia let him swap to her other breast, giving it equal biting and sucking, before she pulled his head back from her chest and pressed her forehead against his, working to slow her breathing a bit.

"Take me to bed," she whispered, her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew that she wanted it. She wanted him.

Ed reached up and brushed her hair back behind her ear and kissed at her lips, before shifting ever so slightly and standing up, Olivia still in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist.

"Anything you want," he whispered, his mouth buried in his neck as he kept licking at her, one eye watching where he was heading so they didn't crash into anything and wake up Noah.

As soon as they made it into her bedroom, the door locked behind them, Ed slowly lowered Olivia onto the mattress and crawled slowly, almost as if he were a man on the prowl, over her body. His hands on either side of her head, holding his body over hers, his eyes raked over her topless form.

She licked her lips and allowed him to gaze at her while her hands moved to his belt buckle and began the process of getting rid of his pants. As she got the zipper down, his head dipped back into her neck and bit lightly behind her ear, likely leaving a mark but knowing that was the one place he was allowed to.

Olivia used her feet to pull his pants down to his ankles, then let out a disappointed sigh when he had to climb off of her momentarily to kick them to the floor.

Taking advantage of the moment, Ed reached up to slide her pajama shorts down her legs before doing the same with his boxers, and making a slow crawl back onto the bed.

Starting at her ankles, Ed began to kiss and lick every inch of her left leg, pausing over certain erogenous zones that he knew drove her crazy, such as the back of her knee and her inner thigh.

Skipping over the place where she likely wanted him the most, he moved back down and started the same treatment, this time up her right leg. As he licked the back of her knee this time, he heard Olivia let out almost a growl. Lifting his head a bit, he saw that her eyes were on him, widened and full of desire, and her hands were gripping the comforter. But he was enjoying her body, and being able to kiss every inch of her, too much to stop at that point.

Finally making it up to her center, he once again avoided her sex and shifted up ever so slightly. His hands drew soothing circles on her lower hips as his tongue and lips made their way across her stomach, covering every single part of her skin he possibly could as she began to writhe beneath him.

Continuing his journey, paying more attention to her breasts along the way, Ed finally made his way back to where they were face to face. Nothing else between their bodies, they looked into each other's eyes, the weight of the moment not lost on either of them.

Ed leaned down to kiss her lips softly, sucking her bottom lip just a bit, before pulling back and eyeing her.

"You're beautiful, Olivia," he said, nuzzling his nose against hers and feeling her breath against his face. "So, so beautiful."

Olivia gave him a soft smile, and ducked the compliment by reaching up and stroking his cheek, running her thumb along his lips.

"Make love to me, Ed."

"Are you sure?" he asked, ever the gentleman and going for one more confirmation that she wasn't hesitating. That she was in this. She wanted him.

"I've never been more sure of anything," she whispered, her hands cupping his face as she strained her neck a bit to kiss at his face, down his neck, and across his chest. "I want you..."

Ed leaned down, pressing his lips against hers as the tip of his hardened member readied at her entrance.

Letting out a little whimper, Olivia adjusted herself slightly, opening her legs up a little more as he hands settled on his behind and squeezing gently, encouraging him to continue.

He worked his way inside of her slightly, pausing on occasion to look at her, making sure she was okay. He was almost fully sheathed when he noticed her wince slightly. He stopped immediately, taking a hand and softly touching her cheek.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his blue eyes wide as he looked at her. "Ya okay?"

"I'm fine," she breathed out, her tone reassuring Ed that she was telling the truth. "It's just…been a while…"

Her face blushed a bit as she said that, and Ed gave her a soft smile.

"S'okay," he whispered, kissing her lips then once again moving to her neck, hoping to work her body up even more than it already was. "Take your time…"

"I'm good," she said, her hands squeezing his ass a bit as she squirmed. "I'm good now…"

"Oh, you're good alright," he said, a smirk on his face, causing them both to finally just relax. To not feel the pressure of it being their first time again. And to just enjoy each other's bodies.

He set a slow, but deep pace, moving in and out of her deliberately, his eyes never leaving her face as he watched her mouth contort as she let out moans of pleasure.

"Yes," she said, encouraging him. "Right there, baby."

"You feel so good, Olivia. So so good."

"Don't stop."

"Ungh."

"Oh."

Though the pace was soft and slow, the feelings were intense. Neither one of them wanted to rush their way through this moment. But as Ed continued to make love to Olivia, he could tell her body was climbing that mountain and she was nearing the top.

"Ed…please…" she panted, quietly begging him for just a little bit more.

Of course, he obliged.

Raising up off of her a bit, his hands bracing just above her head, he kept his eyes on hers as he began to move faster and harder. Still hitting her deeply.

Olivia began to let out a grunt with each thrust, her nails digging into his shoulder blades as her body began to tense up.

Watching her near her peak had Ed on the verge of exploding. He needed her to get there faster.

"Come on, baby," he whispered, thrusting into her a few more times and leaning down to lick the shell of her ear. "Come for me…"

That did it.

Olivia's back arched off the bed, her head thrashing from side to side, as her body began to convulse under him, squeezing his member as he tried to keep moving in and out of her.

"Yes, Ed, oh God. Yesssssssss," she groaned out, her voice a bit higher pitched as she grunted through what turned out to be quite an intense release.

Ed gave her two more, hard and deep thrusts, before letting out his own guttural moan, as his own body tensed and he spilled every ounce of himself into Olivia's body. He froze, still holding himself over her, watching as her eyes closed in total contentment as he filled her body.

Softening inside of her, his body collapsed onto hers, his lips kissing her closed eyelids before he buried his face in her neck, both of them breathing heavily and trying to allow their bodies to recover.

"Wow…" Olivia whispered, her fingertips lightly running up and down Ed's spine as he recovered against her. "That was…incredible…"

"Yeah…yeah it was…." Ed exclaimed, finally getting enough energy to roll off of Olivia and onto his back, taking her with him.

She immediately slung a leg over his waist and settled her head to where her ear was right over his heartbeat. Continuing to softly run her fingers over his stomach this time, she let out a soft sigh.

"It was perfect," she said, her eyes closing as she felt his lips kiss her forehead, tasting the salty sweatiness of their lovemaking.

Ed pulled her impossibly close to him and worked their bodies under the covers, before switching off the light and allowing them both to fully relax.

"You're perfect," he said, feeling Olivia tighten her hold and nuzzle her face a bit further into his chest.

"Don't go anywhere," she said, her voice full of emotion, and Ed felt his heart swell as he heard those words, along with the words that followed.

"I…I need you…"

"Oh, Olivia," he breathed out, making sure he was holding her as firmly and as lovingly as he could. "I'm right here. And I'll be right here, forever if you let me."

* * *

 ** _So, how's everyone doing?_** ** _We get thrown back into reality next chapter, but until then, review?_**


	17. Chapter 17

_**Sorry for the tiny delay. Chapter 16 exhausted me! But let's get back to it...**_

 _ **#Tuckson #SlowBurn #TheMorningAfter**_

* * *

Olivia's eyes fluttered open the next morning, an unfamiliar sense of quiet and total contentment washing over her as she felt Ed's fingers lightly tracing her jaw line. Turning her head and meeting his sparkling blue eyes, she gave him a soft smile.

"Morning," she said, voice raspy with sleep, causing Ed's smile to grow a bit larger.

"Mornin' beautiful," he said, his thumb and index finger gripping her chin as he leaned in for a quick kiss, before pulling back and studying her expression.. "Sleep okay?"

"Very," she said, nestling further into her pillow and grasping his hand as it cupped her face, holding it against her. "You?"

"On and off," he admitted. Once they had recovered from their love-making, Olivia had insisted they put their sleep clothes back on, just in case Noah came in during the night. As soon as they were dressed, Ed in boxers and a white t-shirt and Olivia in her pink flannel shorts and tank, the couple had fallen back into bed, wrapped up in each other, and dozed off quickly in each other's arms.

But the anxiety behind that looming threat didn't allow Ed to sleep for long. He had woken up in the middle of the night, confused at first as to where he was until he felt the feel of hair tickling his chest. Olivia had shifted a bit, facing away from him but still flush against his side, her head on his arm and hair fanned across his body. Her hand was instinctually gripping him, and he knew that despite the fact his arm was almost asleep under her. But he didn't dare move it.

Ed had just watched her for a while, allowing himself the comfort of knowing she was safely in his arms for the time being, despite the reality that was looming for the couple. But his mind kept going back to the threat, the letter that was sent in along with those photos.

He would be lying if he said the words used hadn't rattled him. And he could see in Olivia's eyes that they rattled her too. The mere fact she slept so soundly, given the circumstances, was nothing short of a small miracle and Ed took great pride in the fact it was him who was able to give Olivia that peace and that comfort. Eventually they would need to talk more about the threat, how she was feeling, but that time was not now. So he settled for watching her body rise and fall with each breathe she took, occasionally drifting off for a few minutes of slumber, before waking up and watching her all over again.

Back in the present, glancing at the clock, Ed noticed it was just before six in the morning.

"Noah still wake up around six?" he asked, his finger lightly tracing her ear as his eyes raked over her face and neck. He wanted her so badly in that moment, and by the way she was biting her bottom lip, he knew she felt the same.

"Yeah, we will likely hear little footsteps any minute now," she responded, a touch of regret in her voice. But her face contorted into a smile when Ed let out a groan. "Sorry…"

"No sorries," he said. "You can't help that you're so irresistible."

She opened her mouth to reply, but Ed chose that moment to pull her in for a proper good morning kiss. He rolled onto his back and pulled Olivia on top of him, his hands gripped her face to give him better access to her mouth. She ran her hands along his chest, allowing their legs to tangle together, and was about to make a trail down the side of his neck when her iPad started rumbling, signaling Noah was up and moving.

Ed let out a groan as she rolled off of him, sitting up with her back to him and taking some deep breaths. She rubbed at her face before turning around and smiling, feeling his fingers trace a path along her lower back.

"Wanna shower?" she asked. "I'll go get Noah and start some coffee."

"Perfect."

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Ed came out of the bedroom dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a long sleeved, dark red polo. He made a beeline for the coffee pot, noticing Olivia left his favorite mug out on the counter for him.

"Tuck!" Noah exclaimed, wiggling down from where he was perched on the couch watching morning cartoons and skipping into the kitchen. Ed lifted him up into his arms, kissing his check and messing his hair a bit. "You drink da coffee?"

"Yep," he said. "Tuck needs lotsa coffee."

"Mommy too," Noah said, very seriously. Ed just laughed before looking around for Olivia and spotting her sipping her hot beverage and looking out the window.

"Better get back to your show, No," he said, putting the boy down and sending him along his way, hoping for a few minutes to check in with Olivia. She seemed distant.

With Noah occupied, Ed grabbed his coffee and went to stand next to her, looking out into a seemingly quiet Manhattan morning.

"Ya okay?" he asked, taking a sip and standing so their arms were just barely touching.

"Yeah," she whispered, rubbing her forehead a bit and nodding out the window a bit. "I was so content I almost forgot there was a detail outside."

"Ah," Ed said, now understanding her sudden mood shift.

"I'm worried about leaving Noah and Lucy," she admitted, taking a deep breath. "But I don't want this guy to win. To scare me into not living my life…"

Ed reached out and rubbed her back a bit, hoping to soothe her worries just a bit, before responding.

"Ya know," he said, "not much goin' on downtown today. Or at least on my desk. Lemme work from home with the little guy."

Olivia set her coffee on the window seal and turned to face him, her eyes wide with surprise but there wasn't much hesitation in them either, which Ed had honestly expected when the idea popped into his head the night before.

"Ed," she began, putting a hand on his chest. "You don't have to do that…"

"I know I don't," he said, tracing circles just under her tank top. "But I want to. You'll have a much easier day if you know that Noah is safe. And to be honest, I'll feel a bit better knowing that myself, since I'm sure I can't go to work with ya…"

She let out a little laugh at his last statement, before studying his face for any sign that he wasn't being sincere, but didn't see anything other than a desperate need to make sure that her and her son were okay.

"I know you missed work when Noah was sick, so it makes sense that you need to go in right now," he continued to explain, reaching out and twisting her hair a bit. "I've got the time built up and I'm not in the middle of anything huge. We can have a 'guy's day', so to speak."

Olivia's lips twisted into a small smile at that statement.

"Noah would love that," she admitted, her eyes darting over to where he was still drinking his juice in pajamas, softly humming along to the theme song of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Olivia could already feel her anxiety going up at the thought of leaving her son alone with the sitter, so Ed's offer was very tempting.

"Look," Ed said, putting his coffee next to hers before cupping her face and tilting it up to look at him. "This is as much for me as it is for you. That threat…the words in that letter…Olivia let me do this. I can't follow you around all day, so let me stay with Noah. Let me help you…"

Olivia reached her hands to his sides, grasping his shirt tightly in her hands and gave him small smile before pulling him against her and kissing his lips.

"Okay," she whispered against his lips, going in for one more little peck. "Thank you."

"Of course," he said, letting out a relieved breath and kissing her forehead. He lingered a bit, rubbing his lips against her skin, before pulling back, giving her a small smile, and turning to Noah. "Hey, No, ya want pancakes?"

* * *

The one-six was bustling that morning. Unis were moving in and out, carrying various messages to and from the detectives. Rollins had been on the phone most of the morning, checking in with victims who had near cold cases. Carisi was still over by the video board, mulling over details of a case they hadn't looked much at since the NYPD case came up. Fin, however, was keeping a close eye on his long time friend and boss.

Olivia had breezed in a little after nine that morning, tumbler of coffee in hand, and Detective Scott not too far behind. She had bid them good morning and disappeared into her office, leaving the door open a bit, and signaling for Scott to help himself to coffee and donuts.

She hadn't emerged since.

He took a quick look around, noticing that everyone seemed distracted, and made his way to her office, closing the door behind him.

"Hey Fin," she said, taking her glasses off and looking up from her laptop. "What's up?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing," he said, a small smirk on his face. "Ya barely moved since ya got here…"

She just let out a sigh and leaned back, studying her friend, before allowing a small answer.

"Just distracting myself," she said quietly.

"1PP ain't playin' with this detail thing, huh," Fin said, looking outside to where Detective Scott was still sitting right outside of the Lieutenant's office. "They don't trust us to have your back?"

Olivia just smiled and shook her head at him, folding her hands on her desk and leaning forward a bit.

"I asked the same thing," she admitted. "Got no where. I'm stuck."

"Damn, what was in that threat?" Fin mulled, his voice soft but his worried eyes still on the Lieutenant.

"Nothing, Fin," she said softly, trying to reassure him and failing. "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," he spat. "I won't push ya. But don't lie to me, Liv."

She took a deep breath and debated how to respond. On the one hand, the more she told herself and others that the threat was nothing, the more it seemed that way. She just went about her business, like nothing was bothering her, and ignored her extra security appendage. But if she were honest with herself, and with Fin, she had to admit she was worried.

Olivia's mind went back to when she left the apartment that morning. Noah was happily munching on syrup soaked pancakes as Ed walked her to the door, his hand maintaining some kind of contact with her. She could tell he was nervous, and hesitant, to let her walk out of the apartment, but he didn't have much of a choice.

"I'll be fine," she had promised, leaning up to kiss him lightly. "My squad has my back and Scott will be right there, driving me crazy."

But even then, Ed's eyes were worried as he pulled her into his chest, holding her tightly. More tightly than she was anticipating, and she knew deep down that he was trying to fight the "what ifs" swirling in his head.

Olivia let his arms linger around her a bit more than usual, before pulling back and patting him on the chest.

"It will be _fine_ , Ed," she said firmly, giving him one more quick kiss. "I promise you I'll be okay."

And with that she had left, feeling a little guilty about how worried he was, but also grateful that her son would be under his watchful eye.

Now looking at Fin, she wasn't really sure what to say to him. Luckily, she didn't have to figure it out just then.

"Where's Noah?" he asked, realizing she was uncomfortable talking about the threat, so he changed the subject slightly.

"He's at home with Ed," she allowed, giving Fin a small smile as his own face broke into a grin.

"With Ed, huh," he teased, the smirk growing on his face. "Good for you, baby girl. Let the man take care of ya…"

Olivia blushed, ducking her head down a bit and shuffling the papers on her desk.

"That's the plan, Odafin," she finally said, giving him a little bit of information to hopefully appease his questions that morning. "That's the plan."

They settled into a comfortable silence before a commotion in the squad room startled them both. Looking up, Olivia saw Chief Dodds stroll in, annoy Carisi a bit, and turn towards her office. Steeling herself for whatever he was about to say, she cut a look to Fin.

"Get back to work, Detective," she said softly, with a smirk, and Fin gave her a mock salute before exiting the office and skirting around Dodds. The chief's eyes followed the detective as he went back to his desk, before promptly knocking and entering Olivia's office.

"Chief," she said, standing to shake his hand. "What can I do for you?"

"The NYPD case has officially been kicked over to IAB," he said firmly, nodding and not bothering with pleasantries. "Once they realized you could no longer work it, I had no choice."

Olivia nodded, clearly disappointed but she wasn't surprised.

"It was only a matter of time," she said, but noticed Dodds was squirming a bit. He clearly had more to say.

"What else?" she asked, prompting him along. He looked up at her and narrowed his eyes a bit.

"Are you and Tucker back together?" he asked bluntly, causing Olivia's eyes to widen in surprise. She was not expecting that.

"I'm unsure how that's any of your business, Chief," she put back at him, her eyebrow raised as she prepared to go into defense mode. The brass had been fine with their relationship the first time, so she wasn't expecting any issue this time around.

"Just tryin' to get ahead of it, that's all," he said, his hands up as if he were trying to defend himself.

Olivia just eyed him, not really sure what to say at that point. Sure, she was convinced disclosing this time around wouldn't be as rough, but she didn't want to do it without talking to Ed first. She was confident he wouldn't mind, and would want her to do what she needed to do, but it still felt wrong. So she gave Dodds a tight-lipped smile before responding.

"If, and when, there is something to disclose, you will be the first to know," she said, indicating that the conversation was over.

Her message was received.

"Understood, Lieutenant," he said before standing up and trying to soften his tone a bit. "Just don't wait too long this time. 1PP has those pictures, Olivia. They already know."

She nodded at him as he left and leaned her head against her door once it closed behind him. Taking some deep breaths, she pulled her phone from her back pocket and shot Ed a quick text. Maybe this was a conversation they should have sooner rather than later.

* * *

 ** _Baby steps? Or have we graduated to toddler steps? Review, please!_**


	18. Chapter 18

**_#Tuckson #ToddlerSteps_**

* * *

"Hi Tuck," Noah said, shuffling back out into the living room after his mid-day nap. He was rubbing his green blanket against his face, his hair sticking out all over the place, as he climbed up on the couch and snuggled up with Ed.

"Hey, pal," the man said softly, kissing the top of his head. "How was your nap?"

"It good," he said. "You nap?"

"No, I had to work," Ed said, pointing to the laptop that was set up on the coffee table. Noah squinted a bit, as if he could figure out the words on the screen.

"Yep," he agreed. "Dat boring work."

Ed just laughed and pulled Noah further onto his lap, tickling him and watching him dissolve into giggles.

"Boring work, huh?" Ed teased.

"Tuck! Stop! Tuck!" Noah squealed, laughing hysterically as he wiggled around to try and escape Ed's grasp. He finally relented and the boy calmed a bit, settling back against his chest and once again rubbing his blanket against his cheek.

While feeling better that he was physically home with the little boy, when the apartment got quiet Ed had a slight lapse in his usual, steady presence. His eyes and ears were perked up, listening for anything that may be out of the ordinary. Unable to sit still for too long while the boy was sleeping, he would make his circle around the apartment; checking that the door was still locked, peering out of the window, then sneaking a peak into Noah's room and making sure the little boy was still safely asleep in his bed. He even tip toed into his room once during his rounds to make sure the window was still locked and secured.

Once he would sit back down and try to work, his mind inevitably shifted to Olivia. Wondering what she was doing, if she was okay, if they were any closer to figuring out where the threat came from. At one point, he had even called down to his office to check in and poke around for information, but nobody seemed to know anything other than they were pretty sure it was coming from within the NYPD, possibly IAB. Deep down, he knew it was a scare tactic. He'd seen it a thousand times before, but there was something about it impacting those he loved that turned his paranoia up during quiet moments.

Rubbing his hand over his face, he looked down at the little boy in his arms and felt his heart swell. Despite everything swirling around their lives right now, the mere fact that he was allowed this moment, this second chance to love Olivia and Noah, was everything to him. And he needed to use it.

"Hey, No, how about we go to the store?" he suggested, going back to Olivia's advice this morning on not letting this person win. Maybe it would do him and Noah some good to get out for a little bit. "Get stuff for dinner?"

Noah eyed him carefully, not under the impression that this would be a fun outing. So Ed had to improvise.

"We can't really do the park today," he said, knowing that while a quick trip to the store was fine, the park might be pushing it. "But I'll let you pick out some special treats?"

Noah smiled slyly, as if he knew he won an argument without even speaking.

"Otay, Tuck," he said. "Lessgo!"

* * *

Olivia finally burst through the door a little before five that evening, having had enough of being followed around her precinct by a detail. Dodds had made clear that she was not to be doing field work until the threat was resolved, and she was up to her ears in paperwork. Finally deciding it was better for everyone if she just left before she exploded, she left Fin in charge and hopped on the subway back uptown, with Detective Scott of course.

Ed had kept in touch most of the day, both sending pictures of what he and Noah were up to as well as assuring her that they could disclose whenever she wanted. When she was ready. Feeling like one of the many weights on her had been lifted once Ed told her that, her desire to get home grew as the day had gone on. She was simply eager to get to her boys, and as she had climbed into the elevator leaving Scott behind in her building's lobby, she leaned against the wall and let out a sigh.

Her boys.

Just that thought, the idea of them waiting for her in her head, left her almost dizzy with affection. Olivia had to admit that after Ed spent the night the previous night, after he had made love to her, she felt stronger. She felt safe, protected, loved, and above all secure enough to make the next step with him. Which she know knew was disclosing to 1PP. Again.

"Mommy!" Noah happily called from where he was perched on the couch, right next to Ed, with a large bowl of potato chips in between them. "We watchin'…uh…" he got a confused look on his face and turned his head up towards Ed, tugging on his shirt. "What we watchin' Tuck?"

Ed let out a laugh.

"Hockey, No," he said, looking up at Olivia with a flirtatious grin. "We're watching hockey."

"Hockey!" the little boy exclaimed, popping a chip into his mouth and settled back into the cushion, clearly not looking to get up and give his mother a hug hello.

Ed, however, had a different idea. After spending his day worrying about Olivia, he was ready to get her into his arms. He stood up, making sure the bowl of chips was secure next to Noah, and quickly made his way over to where she was flipping through the mail, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and burying his face in her neck.

"Hi," he said softly, not kissing at her neck but simply breathing her in.

"Hey yourself," Olivia said, one hand moving to grasp his over her middle and another reaching up to lightly scratch his head. She laid her head on his shoulder and strained her neck so she could look at him. "How was your day?"

"Good," he said, kissing at her cheek and turning her around so he could give her a proper kiss hello. There was definitely a different feeling between them after last night. They were less tentative about each other. Olivia noticed it earlier and Ed was noticing it now. "We even made dinner."

"Yep!" Noah yelled from the couch, clearly listening to the conversation. "We maked dinner, Mommy!"

"You did?" she asked, her eyes widening as she gave him an enthusiastic reaction. Pulling away from Ed for a bit, she made her way over the the couch and sat next to her boy, pulling him into her lap and kissing at his face. "What didja make?"

"Sanya," he said, causing Olivia to scrunch her face up a bit. So Ed, who was smiling and watching the little scene, clarified.

"Lasagna," he said.

"Dat what I said, Tuck," Noah said, shaking his head and pulling away from Olivia, wanting more chips.

"Don't spoil your dinner, No," Olivia warned. She usually didn't give him junk food, but she didn't have the heart to take it away. He clearly had a good day with Ed. She got up and patted Ed's chest as she walked by. "I'm gonna change. Smells good, babe."

Babe.

Ed felt his heart jump as she threw that word out, as if it were perfectly normal. Keeping his eyes on her body as she disappeared from sight, he sent up a quick request to the sky for it to remain that way.

* * *

When Olivia returned from putting Noah to bed, the kitchen had been cleaned, the lights were dimmed, and a glass of red was waiting for her on the coffee table.

"I told you I'd clean up," she said, her smile growing as she joined him on the couch. He just shrugged.

"I know," he said simply, watching as she sunk back into the cushions and took a sip of the semi-sweet liquid. "Long day?"

"I've had worse," she said, swirling the wine around and letting the day wash off of her before looking back up into his blue eyes. "Thank you. For staying with Noah. I did feel better knowing that…"

"I did too," he said. "I'll probably go into the office while he's at preschool tomorrow, but leave early to get him."

"You don't have to keep doing it, Ed," Olivia said, knowing it was likely a futile argument.

She was right.

"I know I don't," he said, reaching out and stroking her cheek. "I want to do it."

"Okay," she whispered, placing the wine back on the coffee table and leaning forward to kiss him more thoroughly.

Ed groaned a bit, loving the feel of her lips and her tongue on him, but he broke the kiss after a few minutes and rested his forehead against hers so they could catch their breath.

"Liv, we should probably talk…"

She pulled back a bit, letting out a sigh and leaning her head against the couch.

"Okay," she said. "Disclosing?"

"Well, yeah," he allowed. "That. But also, well, how _you_ doing, ya know, with everything…"

Olivia kept her brown eyes locked on his blue ones. She hadn't expected that, but then again, maybe she should have. His eyes swirled with worry and curiosity. Despite not wanting to get into that headspace, she finally realized that maybe _he_ needed to talk about what was going on with them and around them.

She briefly thought back to a similar time, almost two years ago. It was three days after they had slept together for the first time and it was twelve hours after Utley had held her hostage. Ed sat on her couch, in a similar way to how he was right then, his worried blue eyes scouring over her while she threw up some walls and assured him she was fine. Olivia knew that she was going to have to do better than that this time around, because she was near certain that was where his mind was. He was feeling a de ja vu of sorts. And she couldn't blame him, because she was too. Except hers ran a bit deeper.

"But let's start with disclosing," Ed said, bringing her out of her memory and reaching out to grip her hand, bouncing them on his thigh a bit as his body turned to face her. "You wanna do it together?"

She shrugged her shoulders a bit and bit her bottom lip. She was nervous all of a sudden, and Ed could tell. A complete one-eighty from when she had walked in the door that evening.

"We've done it before," she said softly. "I say we just make it simple. Send an email."

"An email?" Ed asked, his face screwed up a bit in confusion, causing Olivia to let out a laugh.

"Yeah," she shrugged again. "Why not? Last time we didn't have control. They cornered us. This time, it's our call. And I say…we un-complicated it. Send an email."

Ed watched her for a bit, trying to discern whether she was serious about the idea. Eventually, he realized she was. She wasn't trying to blow this off, instead she was deciding that is wasn't complicated. This piece of them being together didn't have to be hard, it could be a simple email.

He smiled and reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss at her cheek.

"Whatever you say," he whispered, nipping at her earlobe a bit and then pulling away, his blue eyes searching her face. She was still tense. "Talk to me?"

Olivia just let out a little sigh, and picked at the material of her leggings.

"I don't even know where to begin," she whispered, running her fingers over her mouth and trying to take some deep breaths. Her chest felt heavy all of a sudden.

Ed took notice. He grasped his hands in hers, bringing them to his lips and kissing at them, hoping to offer her some reassurance.

"Olivia," he began, his voice low and raspy. "I'm not tryin' to push ya…I'm just worried about where your head is right now. With all of this…madness…swirling around. It's a lot."

"It is a lot," she allowed, nodding her head and closing her eyes for a bit. She had to give him something. "I guess, well, it worries me that this may be coming from within the NYPD, possibly 1PP. And what that may mean…"

Ed let out a deep breath and bit his tongue. He was worried about that as well, especially since they still felt it was someone within IAB who was responsible for both the cover up and the threat sent to Olivia. But he wanted her to talk about it, to get their feelings out in the open, and she just wasn't quite there yet. She was dancing around it all, but maybe this was her way of warming up to it. Deciding it wouldn't do them any good for him to push, he just sat patiently, waiting for her to gather her thoughts and set the pace of their conversation.

"I'm a little worried that this will blow up for us," she finally admitted, looking up at him. "Sorta feels like a similar path to our first one doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, ya know, us sleeping together. The threat. The NYPD ties," she listed, her eyes now downcast as she played with his fingers. "I know it's different, but it's hard not to compare it to what we went through the first time. With Utley. Eugene."

"I see," he said, nodding and squeezing her hands to get her to look up at him. "But it's not the same, Liv. And…even if it was…I'd like to think we learned from that. And that we are gonna be better at, well, dealing with 'us' in the midst of the storms."

"I think so," she said, allowing a soft smile to grace her lips. "In fact, I _know_ so."

"Oh yeah?" Ed prodded a bit, surprised by her shift into certainty just then.

"Yeah," she whispered, biting her bottom lip and moving a bit closer to him. "You wanna know why?"

Her voice was getting lower, and Ed could tell that she was momentarily done talking. While he was disappointed that she didn't open up as much as he had wanted, the way she was looking at him and moving towards him, biting her bottom lip with her eyes narrowed, he knew that he was done talking as well. At least for the time being.

"Why?" he rasped out, running his hands up her arms and cupping her face, his thumbs stroking her cheekbones.

"Because," she said, kissing him once in between each word she said. "Its. Not. That. Complicated."

Finally her lips landed firmly on his and didn't move. Ed let out a groan and pulled her face even closer to his, prying her mouth open before diving in with his tongue.

Breathless, he pulled back and observed the woman in front of him. Her eyes were closed, her lips were puffy, and her face was getting that familiar flush of arousal. Before reattaching himself to her lips, he had to get one more little clarification.

"So, what are we doing about disclosing?" he asked, smirking a bit as Olivia's eyes opened and she gave him an exasperated look.

"Sending a damn email," she replied, before pouncing onto him, sending his body backwards on the couch before landing on top of him.

"Okay," he mumbled in between her aggressive kisses. "Whatever you say…"

"Ed?" she mumbled, pushing herself up a bit, holding her body over his as her hair fell around her face and tickled his neck.

"Yes?" he asked, using his free hand to trace her lips with his fingers.

"Stop talking."

He obliged.

* * *

 ** _#ItsNotThatComplicated #AmIRight?_**

 ** _Review please?_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**Since you all have been so patient along our slow burn journey, today is a double update day! If you missed this morning's post, make sure to catch up before reading this one. Don't wanna miss any of those toddler steps!**_

 _ **#Tuckson**_

* * *

"No…"

Ed was sound asleep, having exhausted himself making love to Olivia for over an hour that night, and he couldn't quite differentiate between his dreams and reality. Until another whimper escaped from her lips.

"No…please…."

His eyes shot wide open, head turning to look at the woman next to him. She was on her back, her brown hair fanned out on the pillow, and her face was contorted into a fearful grimace.

"Olivia?" he whispered, reaching his hand out to touch her face. She slapped him away.

"Don't touch me," she cried, her eyes still closed and her body thrashing a bit as she fought off an invisible monster.

Ed's heart cracked in two.

"Olivia, come on. Wake up," he said, louder this time but trying not to touch her. The last thing he wanted was to make this worse. But she was still stuck in her nightmare.

"Please…please don't hurt me…don't hurt him…"

That was it for Ed, he couldn't take anymore. Sitting up, he moved to shake Olivia lightly as she fought him off.

"Liv, baby, ya gotta wake up," he said loudly enough to finally startle her out of whatever nightmare she was living in.

Her eyes opened wide as she gasped for air and scrambled her body up towards the headboard, looking around and trying to get her bearings.

"Ed?" she asked, her breathing still loud and shallow.

"I'm right here, Olivia," he said softly, making sure he was sitting so that he was in front of her, within her line of sight, before tentatively reaching for her hand. His heart clenched as she gripped it tightly, holding on for dear life. "It's okay. Just a dream, okay? You're right here, in your bedroom."

"Noah?" she asked, her voice beginning to fill with the tears she was trying to keep down.

"He's just fine," Ed assured her, his voice staying soft and steady. "He's still sleeping in his room. See the monitor?"

Olivia's head moved quickly, desperate to get a glimpse of her son, and her entire body heaved with the sigh of relief she let out when she laid eyes on his sleeping form through the black and white tablet. She buried her face in her hands as sobs began to overtake her body, shoulders shaking, though her cries were mostly silent.

Ed, unsure of how much contact she wanted, remained where he was at first, allowing her to continue gripping his hand. But when she finally opened her mouth, allowing a shattering sob to escape her lips, he could no longer hold back.

"Oh, Olivia," he said, his heart breaking at the sight of her coming undone like this. He moved to where he was sitting right next to her, still leaning against the headboard, and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. "Okay, sweetheart. It's okay. I've gotcha."

He was almost expecting her to push him away, but she didn't. Instead she allowed him to fold her into his chest, moving a hand to grip his t-shirt in her fist. Ed kissed at her head, keeping her in his arms as she worked to calm herself down. He felt the shaking slowly subside, but Olivia made no attempt to leave his embrace, so he stayed right where he was. Holding her, kissing her, whispering to her, and making sure she knew that she was safe.

Eyeing the clock, Ed noticed it was just after three in the morning. After pressing his lips against her forehead, he moved his head so he could look down at her face, still red and splotchy from her tears.

"Ya need anything?" he asked softly, delighted that she lifted her head up so her eyes could meet his. They seemed a touch clearer, though still distant. "Water? Tea?"

"I…" she began, her breathing still choppy as she calmed down. "Some tea? I think…I need to shower…"

"Okay," he said, kissing her forehead again and rubbing her nose with his. "You go shower. I'll make us some tea…"

"Okay," she whispered, still not making any attempt to move away from him. "Ed?"

"What is it, sweetheart?" he asked, using his finger to tip her chin up so she was looking at him.

"Thank you," she said, her eyes moving back and forth between his.

"You don't have to thank me, Liv," he said firmly. "I'm right where I need to be. Where I _want_ to be."

* * *

The whistle of the tea pot began to flow through the kitchen, causing Ed to jump a bit and turn it off before it woke up Noah. He carefully poured the hot water over the tea strainers in both mugs, working to not let any of the tea leaves seep out. Satisfied with his effort, he emptied the strainers and popped them into the dishwasher, before bringing the steaming mugs over to the coffee table and waiting for Olivia to get out of the shower.

He had known last night, as Olivia worked his body over on the couch, that she was stalling. Avoiding talking to him about what was really bothering her. But he hadn't wanted to push her, instead opting to reassure her physically.

She was aggressive at first, swiftly removing their clothes so they were down to underwear on the couch while she straddled him and nipped at his neck. But he had held her off for a bit.

"Dontcha wanna take this to the bedroom," he had asked, his voice raspy as he gasped at the feel of her teeth sinking into his flesh.

"Sure," she said, but hadn't made any effort to stop. So in a last ditch effort to slow her down, and get them more comfortable, he had pushed her hips off of him and sat them up.

"Come on," he said, taking her hands and moving her to the back, making sure his lips stayed on her shoulder as they went.

Once they had collapsed on the bed, he had made quick work stripping her panties off and kissing along the lower half of her body, before burying his face between her legs and gently pleasuring her. Knowing she was going for distraction, he made it his mission to get her there. And he did. Multiple times.

Thinking back to how she had collapsed against him after her third orgasm caused Ed to smile a bit, proud of the fact he had exhausted her that much.

But after her nightmare, the time for distraction was over. And as he watched her pad out to the living room, in fresh pajamas, he had a feeling she knew that.

"Hi," she said softly, sitting next to him but not making eye contact.

"Hey," he responded, moving his hand to her face and turning it towards him. "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah," she whispered, her eyes looked tired but a bit brighter after her shower. "A little bit. Thanks for the tea…"

"Hope it isn't awful," he said with a little laugh, gesturing to the mugs. "I tried to do the whole 'real leaf' tea thing…"

Olivia let out a laugh and it was music to Ed's ears.

"I'm sure it's fine," she said, before settling her side against the back of the couch and reaching out to squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry about earlier…"

"No," he said firmly, running his hands over her knuckles. "Nothing to be sorry about, Olivia."

"Still…"

"Hey," he said, waiting until her eyes were back on his before he continued. "I'm not going anywhere. No matter what."

Pausing a bit, wondering if he should continue, he looked for any sign that she was going to back away. He didn't find any.

"I don't know what your nightmare was about, Liv," he said softly, keeping one hand in hers and moving the other to rest on her thigh. "But I know what was in that letter. And despite both of us knowing the likelihood of anything being made good on it, I know that it rattled you. Because it rattled me."

Olivia swallowed hard, but let Ed keep talking. For some reason, hearing his voice and his thoughts was soothing to her. And it was giving her what she needed to fall even further into him.

"I…" he began, hesitating a bit before just throwing caution to the wind. "I keep thinkin', ya know, back to when I hadta question you after Lewis…and then…reading those reports."

He felt her hand tighten on his and heard her breathing pick up a bit. Moving closer to her, keeping her grounded in the present time, Ed placed a hard kiss on her forehead, then her nose, before pulling back to look at her and continue.

"And I can't help but wonder, if this is how it's affecting me, what is it doing to you?" he asked. "And its killing me, Liv. It is _killing_ me. I know it's hard. I know you don't want to open up, but I'm here. I'm _right here_. You're safe. No one will ever touch you like that again. But I need you to talk to me. Let me in…please…"

"Ya know," she began, a lone tear making it's way down her cheek but Ed quickly caught it with his thumb. "When I first read the threat, I had to shove Lewis back into his little compartment in my mind. Those words…were eerily similar. But I knew it had to be a coincidence. A fluke. And I was fine with it for a bit…"

"But?"

"Until I remembered they were thinking it came from within the NYPD…1PP, maybe even IAB," she finally admitted, her voice shaky but strong as she held onto Ed's hands and found comfort in his eyes. His presence. And it allowed her to finally let go. "That's when it spiraled in my head…"

Ed's body stiffened a bit when she mentioned the IAB part. He was scared to death that somehow he was connected to the bastard who sent that letter to her. That somehow, he brought this on. Despite knowing that wasn't true, the fear began to bubble up, but he quickly shoved it down. Now was not the time.

"I know it's nothing more than a scare tactic," she continued. "We got those three officers, and now they are scrambling to cover their own tracks. And most of the time I have been fine, but…"

"You're not fine if you're waking up with those nightmares again, Olivia," Ed said softly, making sure he still had her eyes. He saw her nod slightly to what he said, and gave her a little smile. "You don't have to hide this from me. You're not alone anymore…"

"Ed…" she said, her voice betraying the fresh round of tears that were trying to make their way back to the surface. She desperately grabbed at his hands, and he immediately knew she needed more contact. Without thinking twice, he scooped her up into his lap, cradling her a bit and allowing her head to rest in the crook of his neck as he soothingly ran his hand up and down her pajama clad legs.

"I'm right here," he said, kissing at her forehead as the tears began to flow again.

"I…just…" she began, before taking a deep breath and finally allowing the words to tumble out of her mouth. "It's a little…overwhelming right now."

"What is?" he asked, worried that maybe she meant them, their relationship, but he felt her shake her head in his neck, as if she knew where his mind had gone.

"Everything," she responded, her voice was low and deep. "Life…"

Ed allowed a small chuckle, knowing she meant that last word to be funny, and rested his head on top of hers, content to just hold her like that for as long as she wanted. He felt her let out a sigh and snuggle in further, so he grabbed a blanket and covered them as he reclined back against the arm of the couch, taking Olivia with him.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Ed picked his head up a tad and tilted her chin yet again so she was looking at him.

"I know life hasn't been kind to you over the years," he said softly, kissing her once more. "But that's the past. Things are looking up for us, Benson. And I'm going to make sure it stays that way."

* * *

"Mommy?"

Olivia stirred a bit, feeling a light pat on her arm as she worked to awaken from what had turned into a deep slumber. Her and Ed had chatted a little longer, mainly about lighthearted affairs, before they both succumbed to their exhaustion, falling asleep with each other on the couch.

She lifted her head from his chest, still a little groggy, and opened her eyes to an inquisitive and sleepy eyed Noah.

"Hi my love," Olivia whispered, quickly moving her eyes to Ed and noticing he was still out cold and snoring lightly.

"Mornin' Mommy," he whispered, his eyes darting back and forth between Ed and Olivia. "Tuck seepin'?"

"Yep," she said, trying to extract herself from his grip without waking him up. Somehow she managed it, and stood up to stretch before scooping Noah into her arms. "Did you sleep okay?"

She walked them into the kitchen, suddenly wondering what time it was. Noticing it was just after six, she plopped him on the counter, started the coffee, and fixed his juice.

"Uh huh," he said, still rubbing his eyes. "It Tuck day again?"

Olivia smiled as she handed him his drink and smoothed his crazy bed hair back.

"Yep," she said. "You have school this morning, then Tuck will pick you up!"

"Otay," he said, lifting his one arm up to signal that he wanted more morning cuddles, so she obliged and moved them back towards the living room. "Dat good."

"Yeah," she sighed into his hair as they sat on the chair right by the window, allowing Olivia to watch Ed as he continued to slumber. "It's really good isn't it."

The buzzing of her cell phone brought her out of the tiny, serene morning moment and she stretched to pick it up, hoping it didn't wake up Ed.

But it had.

As she answered with her usual "Benson", Ed sat up and rubbed his face for a bit, before eyeing the duo on the chair. Olivia was still rubbing Noah's back as he cuddled against her, but her expression had grown serious.

"Okay, yes, I understand," she said, her voice sounding strong but her eyes wide. "Thank you for letting me know."

"Liv?"

"That was Dodds," she said, swallowing a bit. "They got him."

* * *

 ** _Okay, we've made a lot of progress in the last few chapters, with little to no steps back. Are times changing, or is there another obstacle looming? Review to find out!_**

 ** _#NoReallyItIsntThatComplicated_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**I honestly wasn't expecting so many people to want to know the details of the threat, but I guess that's kinda my fault. Oops. We touch on it in this chapter, but that is all I plan to do with it, save maybe a sentence or two here and there. The rest is up to your imagination!**_

 _ **Now...let's continue...**_

 _ **#Tuckson #NotThatComplicated #ButNowWhatHappens?**_

* * *

The elevator doors parted, allowing Olivia and Ed to step off of the car and onto the 18th floor of 1PP. Struggling to not put his hand on her lower back, Ed opted instead to put his hands in his pockets as they made their way down the hallway to meet Chief Dodds, who was waiting for them.

After getting the call, Ed had phoned into his office and gotten a few more details about how they were bringing in the guy and what would take place. Realizing they didn't have to be anywhere right away, he decided to make them a quick breakfast before walking Noah to preschool with Olivia. The little boy had happily skipped along between the two adults, holding both of their hands and explaining to them that it was "Green Day" so he got to play with the green Play-Doh, which was his favorite.

They both knelt down for a quick hug and kiss goodbye, and despite not knowing what the morning would bring, Ed reassured the boy he would pick him up that afternoon.

"Maybe we'll go to the park," he said, winking at Olivia. She just returned with a smile.

"Otay," he said, hanging up his backpack and heading into his class. "Bye Tuck. Bye Mommy."

Now the couple had switched modes, from daycare drop off to professional police business as they neared a pacing Chief Dodds.

"Lieutenant," he nodded, shaking her hand, before acknowledging Tucker's presence. "Captain. Thanks for coming down."

"Who is it?" Olivia asked, not bothering with the pleasantries. She wanted to know who in the NYPD had been covering for three officers while they raped innocent women. Finding out who had threatened her and derailed her last week was merely a bonus at that point.

Ed was by her side, standing up straight and stiff as he usually did when he was in work mode, but he was playing with his tie a bit. To anyone else, he appeared totally collected, but to Olivia he was clearly a bit nervous.

"We've linked all of this back to a Sergeant Chase Conley," Dodds said, reading from a report that he was holding, flipping through the pages. "Been at IAB for years now. In fact, Captain, looks like you were one of the signatures on his promotion two years ago?"

"You're tellin' me that Conley did this?" Ed asked, his eyes scrunched up but his body had tensed. It didn't make any sense to him in that moment.

"That is what I'm telling you, yes," Dodds confirmed, his eyes darting back and forth between the pair in front of him. At that point, Olivia knew that he was aware they were back together and she was cursing herself for not having sent that email yet. "He's being questioned now. I need to let the Chief of Ds know you are here, so I'll be back."

Dodds gave them a nod and turned quickly to make an exit. Olivia watched as he departed, leaving the couple alone in the hallway, her fingers rubbing her mouth a bit as she tried to figure out if she knew that name, but it didn't ring a bell.

Ed, however, was a different story. His eyes were down, staring a hole in the tiled floor of the hallway, and his hands were still stuffed in his pockets. Rocking back and forth a bit on his heels, he shook his head as he thought quietly to himself about what he knew about this Chase Conley. He felt blindsided.

"Dammit," he said softly, letting out a deep breath and clicking his tongue in frustration. Olivia immediately recognized his body language and reached her hand out to pat his arm a bit.

"Don't go there, Ed," she said quietly, trying to catch his eyes but failing. "You didn't know."

He didn't respond, only shook his head more and took a deep breath. Picking his head up, he looked at her with blue eyes full of resolve and anger.

"He seemed like good police," he responded. Ed's jaw was set so the words came out a bit harsher than he had intended, but Olivia didn't flinch. She knew exactly what was going through his mind and she was prepared to try and ease it.

"Of course he did," she assured him, rubbing his shoulder a bit but not moving much closer out of caution. They still hadn't sent the disclosure email, and while she had no problem with the brass finding out this way, she also didn't need to further complicate the situation. "Guys like this…they are good at cover up, Ed."

"I scoured his jacket, interviewed him multiple times leading up to his promotion," he said, keeping his eyes on hers but she could see the turmoil. "I didn't get any sense he was capable of this."

"Stop it," she responded firmly, throwing caution to the wind and reaching up to gently cup his face. "Table that for now, okay? Let's talk to the Chief…maybe we can observe some of the questioning…get some answers. But this is not even close to being your fault, Ed Tucker."

Ed searched her eyes, looking for any sign that she was just bluffing, that maybe she held a little bit of resentment for him having a small hand in this man's position. But he didn't see it. Giving her a soft smile, he did a quick scan of the hallway and once he realized they were alone, leaned in for a quick peck on the lips.

"Thank you," he whispered as he pulled away, giving her a smirk.

"For what?" she responded, before returning his smirk and raising her eyebrow. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

After getting a briefing, Olivia had left for the one-six, being told that since she was the target of one of his threats she was not allowed to listen in on the investigation. While they were hesitant to let Ed watch, the fact that he knew Sergeant Conley worked in his favor, so they allowed him in the gallery as the suspected officer sat across from two members of the brass and answered their questions.

As Ed sat in one of the metal chairs, glaring through the window of the viewing room, his leg bounced up and down showing his nervous energy. Conley was smug, sitting straight up in his chair, hands folded in front of him on the table, and a smirk on his face.

Ed wanted to throttle the man.

Instead, he turned the volume up and listened in to the interview for a bit.

"Sergeant Conley, do you recognize this letter?" One of the other CIU officers slid a sheet of paper across the table and allowed the man a few minutes to read it over. His expression did not change.

"No," he responded simply. "I do not."

"Is that the answer you want to stick with here?"

"Yes."

"Well, according to this TARU report, you typed it on your laptop and sent it to an anonymous printer at a cafe on the corner of Mulberry and Canal."

"Well, TARU is wrong. Musta been someone pretending to be me."

"Yeah, I don't think so," the officer said, sliding across the paperwork proof. "It is all linked to your work email. If you're gonna send a threat to an NYPD Lieutenant, you should do a better job covering your tracks. Lotsa free email services out there…"

"I'm being set up."

"Nice try, Conley. You're done," the other man said, leaning over the table and narrowing his eyes. "Now you're gonna talk."

Ed's fists were clenched as he watched the confrontation take place. He still couldn't believe it. Conley had been under his command for several years before passing his Sergeant's exam and there was no sign that he was dirty, that he was capable of something like this. But yet, here he was, after spending the night with a clearly rattled and disturbed Olivia, learning that it was one of his men, or former men, that had caused that hurt. Tucker wasn't sure how to even begin to deal with it.

His self-blame was interrupted for the moment, as a certain sentence caught his attention. The questioning had heated up a tad.

"I can't help but notice that some of the things in this letter are identical to some phrases that were in Lieutenant Benson's statement years back, against William Lewis."

Conley just smirked and raised his eyebrow.

"Sounds like a coincidence to me," he responded.

"How about 'Maybe even a game of Russian Roulette at a nearby warehouse? I hear you are good at that'. You mean to tell me that was a coincidence?"

"Public knowledge, Captain," Conley responded. "Anyone coulda known that."

As the officers continued to point out various lines, Ed's face turned a shade of crimson and he struggled not to break down the door and throw Conley against the cinderblock wall.

"As an IAB Sergeant, you would've had access to this record, am I right?"

"Not necessarily at my level, no."

"But you knew how to get it. And you knew exactly what to put in that letter, along with pictures of her son, to get her to back off investigating your buddies. To make sure you weren't implicated."

That was enough for Ed. He stood up, the metal chair sailing backwards and crashing against the wall, and he stormed out of the gallery and out of the office. He needed some air.

* * *

"On the house," the bartender said, sliding another glass of bourbon to the hunched over, silver haired officer at his bar. "Look like you could use it."

Ed just grunted and nodded his thanks, before picking up the fresh glass and sipping it, enjoying the burn as it went down his throat.

He couldn't believe this.

After storming out of 1PP, he had made a call to Olivia to check in. She sounded fine, her voice was calm and reassuring as she told him, once again, that this was not his fault. That he needed to just let it go; he couldn't have known.

"Do I need to come meet you?" she had asked, knowing she had a few more things to get done, but also not wanting Ed to stay in that head space.

"Nah," he had said into the phone. "I may grab a quick drink then just go get Noah. If that's still okay?"

"He's expecting you," Olivia said with a tease in her voice. "It better still be okay."

Ed had laughed, just the sound of her voice already bringing him back from the ledge he was on after listening to that interview. Olivia was fine, she didn't blame him, and he had a couple hours before he had to get Noah.

"Alright," he said. "I'll let ya know once I got him."

"Hey Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you…for everything…for who you are."

As Ed took another sip of his bourbon, he thought back to those words and how she said them. She meant them, whole heartedly, and they were everything he needed to hear in that moment.

Checking his watch, Ed finished off the bourbon, threw some cash on the counter, and nodded to the bartender. He was done wallowing. He had a little boy to pick up.

* * *

It was just after two in the afternoon and Olivia checked her phone, noticing she had a text from Ed.

 _At the park._

That was all it said, but he had attached a video of Noah attempting to cross the monkey bars.

"You help me, Tuck!" the little boy yelled in the background, causing Ed to end the video and presumably head over to help Noah with his task.

Olivia just smiled to herself. She loved watching Ed and Noah together. The past couple of nights when Ed had stayed over, it was as if Noah thought it was natural. That Ed just belonged at the apartment with them. But she knew it wasn't that simple. With the threat over, and the case against the NYPD officers finally wrapping up thanks to the arrest of Sergeant Conley after he had cracked under questioning, the reasons that Ed had for staying with them were gone.

The smile disappeared from her face as she realized that. It felt a little too soon for him to move in, but she was all of a sudden feeling lonely in advance of his imminent departure.

Scouring her desk, she called Carisi into her office and asked if there was anything pressing on their plates. He responding with a shake of his head, so she nodded, hit send on her disclosure email to Chief Dodds, and began to pack up.

"It's been a long morning," she said, hinting to the fact that she was emotionally drained from the last week. "I think I may just take off. But call me if you need me."

"Do what you need to do, Lieu," he said, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. "We are fine here. And we'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks, Sonny," Olivia responded with his rarely used first name, so he knew just how deeply she appreciated his compassion.

With one more quick smile and a nod to her other detectives, she was gone, ready to spend a few hours with her boys before the day came to a close.

* * *

"Dodds ever get back to you?" Ed asked as he tied the trash bag in the kitchen and watched as Olivia loaded the last of the dinner dishes into the dishwasher.

"Just a 'thank you for letting me know'," she said with a shrug, her voice attempting to mimic the Chief's as she relayed his words. "So I guess it's fine."

"Huh," Ed said with a little smirk. "Well, its about time something went smoothly around here."

Olivia just let out a laugh.

"Anything else need to go to the trash?" he asked, taking a look around before heading out with the white bag.

"Nope," she said, leaning up to kiss him quickly. "Thanks for doing that. I need to check and make sure Noah hasn't flooded the bathroom while brushing his teeth…"

Ed returned a few minutes later, the lights were dim and Olivia was standing with Noah by the living room book shelf while he picked out his bedtime stories.

"Dis one," he said confidently, grasping for Charlotte's Web and handing it to his mother.

"This is a long one," she said, but knowing that Noah was just wanting some cuddle time, she relented. "We'll start it, but we will probably have to finish it over the next week okay?"

"Otay," he replied softly, leaning against her and letting out a yawn.

Ed cleared his throat, not wanting to interrupt, but also not wanting to feel like he was eaves dropping.

"Tuck, you read too?" Noah asked, looking up at him with curious, wide eyes.

Ed gave him a soft smile.

"Not tonight, pal," he said, kneeling down so he was eye level with both Noah and Olivia. "I need to head back to my place, dust it off a bit."

"It dusty?" Noah asked, confused by the statement and also showing his disappointment that Tuck would not be spending the night again.

"Probably," Ed said with a laugh, poking his car pajama clad tummy before meeting Olivia's eyes. "I'll go so you can get him settled…"

Olivia just swallowed a bit and nodded, before standing up and sending Noah back to his room to wait for her. Once he was out of the room, she grabbed Ed's shirt and pulled him to her, pressing her lips against his and sighing a bit.

They kissed softly for a few minutes before Ed pulled back and ran his fingers through her loosely curled hair.

"I'm sorry," he said. "About Conley. About…everything…."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she said firmly, kissing him once more. "This was not your fault. And not only that, but you were right here, protecting us, the entire time."

"I'll always protect you, Liv."

"I know," she responded.

The couple fell into an awkward silence, not really sure how to part ways for the evening. Finally Ed shifted a bit and leaned in to kiss her cheek once more.

"I better go," he whispered. "Call me?"

Olivia just nodded, her mouth suddenly dry as she felt a tinge of regret that she couldn't bring herself to ask him to stay again.

He turned to grab his jacket and headed towards the door, reaching for the knob, before Olivia called out to him.

"Dinner tomorrow?" she asked, needing to have a firm time for the next time she would see him.

Ed's eyes light up as his face crinkled into a smile.

"Of course."

And with that he was gone, locking the door behind him. Olivia wrapped her arms around herself and took some deep breaths. Her mind thought back to that fateful night, over a year ago, when she had let him walk out the door in a similar manner, a similar situation, but that time she wasn't sure if she would ever see him again. Ever kiss him or hold him again.

This time was different. This time, yes he had left her apartment, but he hadn't left her. Resolving herself to keep trudging towards an end goal of them being together, she turned to go read to her son before settling herself into bed and sending him a goodnight text. Olivia smiled as her head the pillow, the sound of his text response music to her ears.

 _Miss you already. Sweet dreams, Liv._

* * *

 ** _It just doesn't feel right to have him walk out the door, does it?_**

 ** _Leave a review and we'll keep plugging along!_**


	21. Chapter 21

**_#Tuckson #AnotherToddlerStep #ButReallyWhyWontSVUHireMe_**

* * *

A few days later, Tucker sat at his desk clicking his pen as he tried to concentrate on the report he was working on.

But he couldn't.

His mind kept going back to the day down at 1PP, to that feeling he had wash over his body as Chief Dodds looked him in the eyes and delivered who was responsible for covering up rapes and threatening Olivia.

 _"_ _In fact, Captain, it looks like you were one of the signatures on his promotion two years ago?"_

Ed let out a sigh. Olivia may not be placing any blame on him, but he sure as hell was blaming himself enough for the both of them. For someone who had spent his career reading people, cops in particular, how could he have let this happen? How did he not see it?

"Dammit," he whispered, throwing the pen down onto his desk and leaning back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.

It felt so similar to what had happened with Eugene. Ed was confident that when Olivia met him at the pub that night, as everything blew up around them, she was going to bail. She was going to tell him it was too much, that maybe she still believed him but needed to distance herself. Instead she grasped his hands and dove in with him, even taking some of the fall. As horrible as he had felt about it, she never placed any blame on him. She had believed in him then, and still believed in him. It only strengthened Ed's resolve to somehow make her his. To be the protector that she so desperately wanted, though she'd never admit it. To be the man she could trust with her body, her mind, her soul, and most importantly, her heart.

Olivia's face flashed through his mind; her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she was happy, the way she chewed her bottom lip when she was nervous. Everything about her consumed Ed Tucker. She was perfect. Exquisite. And not only was he getting a second chance, she once again was not blaming him for whatever role he may have played in bringing more conflict into her life.

 _"_ _This is not even close to being your fault, Ed Tucker."_

The last few days had been somewhat seamless for them; texting when they had time, meeting for dinner and park dates. But if Ed were honest, he felt like he wasn't seeing them enough. He was missing the small moments with Olivia, whether it was after Noah was asleep or while they watched him play. He just missed them and there was still a little worry, now that life was back to normal, that they would fall into the same rut they had a year ago, causing her to push him away.

Letting out a breath, he tried to table his rampant thoughts for now and leaned forward, logging back into his computer and trying to concentrate on the report. But it wasn't that easy.

"Okay, maybe hit the gym, get some frustration out," he thought to himself as he checked the time. He had just enough of an opening to work out, shower, and do another hour of work before meeting Olivia and Noah for dinner.

Getting up from his desk, he grabbed his gym bag from the cabinet in his office and headed out, whistling a bit as he nodded to his secretary and disappeared from sight.

* * *

"No fank you," Noah said politely to his mother as Olivia tried to get him to try the fish in her taco. He was not a picky eater, but he had a slight look of disgust on his face as he processed the idea of fish on a taco.

"Dat not taco, Mommy," he had said when she ordered them. "Dat fish."

Despite the fact that Olivia ranted and raved about her selection, Noah would not budge and Ed found it incredibly amusing to watch the scene.

When Olivia had suggested the dinner location, Ed had perused the menu and noticed that their tacos looked a little adventurous for a four year old, but he figured she knew her son best and agreed. But Noah had not been impressed. Tacos were supposed to have ground beef or chicken with cheese, according to him. Ed just laughed and shot Olivia a look, which she returned with an eye roll.

He settled for a quesadilla, which the restaurant had to make special, but the waiter didn't mind. Especially since Olivia had Noah add his adorable "Pweeeeeeeese" to the end of her request.

Now they were all digging into their dinners happily, Ed having gone for the braised short rib selection, and settled into their usual banter. Noah told them what he learned at preschool, as well as what he and Lucy did that afternoon. Olivia quizzed him on a few things, mainly who he played with at preschool, given the boy was still a bit shy around other kids. Then Ed would toss around ideas for dessert with a gleam in his eye, knowing that Noah would inevitably insist on the frozen yogurt place so he could pick his own toppings.

"He doesn't need dessert every night, Ed," Olivia responded, finally intervening that evening on what was becoming Ed's attempt to spoil her son with sweets. But her argument started off weak, given the smirk on her face and the gleam in her own eyes.

Ed just shrugged, already knowing he was going to win this one.

"It's not every night," he insisted, before relenting a bit. "Okay, well, every night that he eats with me."

Olivia laughed. He loved her laugh. How she would throw her head back after her eyes began to sparkle, and then how she would look at him afterwards, like she understood how rare it was for her to laugh given her line of work, and that she appreciated him for making her feel that way.

"You spoil him," she said, reaching across and grasping Ed's hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "I love that you spoil him."

"He's a good kid," Ed responded simply, squeezing her hand in return and offering her a smile. "He makes it easy."

The trio sat in silence for a bit, Noah polishing off every bit of cheese he could find on his plate, while Olivia asked for her remaining taco to be boxed up. When the bill arrived, Ed reached for it while Olivia tried to waive him off.

"You always pay," she said. "Let me get it this time."

But Ed shook his head.

"I don't _always_ pay," he insisted and then winked at her. "But how about you buy the dessert…"

Olivia sat back in her seat and smiled thoughtfully at him. She knew he meant yogurt, and nothing more, but for some reason that drew her thoughts towards the ending of the night. Whether she would invite him to stay with her, to sleep with her, or if they'd bid each other goodbye outside of her building.

Not quite ready to make that decision, Olivia took a sip of her water and ignored the fluttering.

"Deal," she said, gesturing for him to go ahead and take the bill before leaning over and cleaning Noah up, listening to him babble about what yogurt toppings he would be getting.

* * *

As they approached Olivia's building, she began to dig around in her bag for her keys. Noah had fallen asleep in the cab, and was now out cold in Ed's arms as they walked the remaining half block from where the cab dropped them off. Opening the lobby door for them, she hurried to press the elevator button before reaching out and pulling the back of Noah's coat down a bit.

"Sweet boy," she whispered, lightly touching his cheek and watching as he slept comfortably on the shoulder of Ed Tucker. "You sure you're okay with him?"

"I got it, Liv," he said softly, looking down at the boy's head and smiling softly. "I'm just fine…"

Olivia shook her head a bit as unexpected tears bubbled behind her eyes at the sight of the two of them together. Luckily the elevator arrived, jolting her out of her random moment of emotion and they barreled in, hitting the button her floor, and quietly waiting as the car rose.

Again, Olivia rushed ahead of the guys, unlocking and opening the apartment door so Ed could easily get Noah inside. He continued to hold the little boy as she got his coat and boots off carefully, so he wouldn't wake, then signaled for him to follow her back to his room.

"Just lay him down," she whispered, pointing at the bed. "I'm gonna change his clothes and I'll be right out. Make yourself comfortable."

Ed laid Noah down and brushed his hair back a bit, before placing a kiss on his forehead without even thinking.

"Night night, Noah," he whispered, before standing back up, winking at an awe struck Olivia, and heading back out into the living room.

She quickly changed his clothes, without Noah so much as batting an eye, and got him tucked in with his stuffed elephant. Once she was sure he was okay and comfortable, she kissed at his face and whispered her I love yous, before cracking the door and heading back out to Ed.

Expecting to find Ed perusing through the ESPN channels, Olivia was surprised when she saw him silently standing by her window, hands in his pocket, staring out into the night. She crept up next to him and snaked her arm around his waist, allowing her head to rest against his shoulder.

"City can beautiful from here, huh," she whispered, her own eyes memorized by the flickering of the lights.

"Sure can," he said. "Hard to believe it can harbor so much pain…"

"I say that to myself all the time," she admitted, feeling him shift a bit so both of his arms could wrap around her body. They stayed like that, torso to torso, Olivia's head resting on his chest as they both looked out over the city for a little while before Ed kissed the top of her head and cleared his throat.

"I, uh," he stammered a bit, not sure what to do at that point. "I guess I will head out."

Olivia's heart sank. She tightened her grip on him a bit and took a deep breath.

"Stay?" she whispered, picking her head up so she could look into his eyes. "At least for a night cap?"

He continued to look into her eyes, seeing desire swirling in pools of brown. But there was also a hesitance, or an insecurity, and Ed was puzzled all of a sudden.

"I'll always stay," he said, hoping to reassure her, but she stayed stationary, her hands now planted on his chest and her eyes locked on his, almost as if she were waiting on something to drop. Ed was not going to let that happen, but he also wanted to address the issue.

"Can I ask ya somethin'?" he whispered, hoping he wasn't about to scare her.

"Sure," she responded, in an equal whisper, her eyes now moving quickly looking back and forth between his blue orbs, as if her panic and her flight instinct was bubbling up.

"Why the hesitation still?"

He saw her visibly swallow, but she didn't break their eye contact, so he took that as a sign that she wasn't upset by his question.

"Talk to me, Liv."

Ed watched Olivia closely as her emotions painted a story across her face. She went from an escalating panic, to a worry, and now to an inner confusion as she clearly tried to put words to what she was feeling. He was patient, rubbing his hands along her back to soothe her while she worked up to an answer.

"I wish I knew," Olivia finally admitted softly, her eyes dropping down a bit, but Ed moved a hand to tip her face back up so they were still looking at each other.

"Olivia, I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how many more ways I can prove that to you."

"I know. It isn't you," she insisted, and she meant it. But Ed could still tell there was a wall. "I'm here. I want this. I want _you_."

"But?"

"But…nothing," she said, shaking her head and smiling at him. "I…look, I may still have some moments along the way, but I am in this. I…I wanna be with you."

"Olivia," Ed said, his eyes darkening as he reached up and took her hands into his own, lightly kissing each of her knuckles before holding them back against his chest. "I love you."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she swallowed hard, not wanting to ruin the moment with her rampant emotions, but one began to make it's way down her cheek despite her best effort. In all of her life, she had only heard that phrase sporadically from three people. Her mother, which was a rarity, Cassidy, and then Noah. Each situation vastly different, but even with Brian, that phrase did not carry the weight that Ed's had. And much like how she felt when Noah first said it, Olivia had to fight to remember to breath as those three words washed over her and filled her with a warmth and a love that she had never felt before in her life.

Ed took one hand and brushed her tears away, causing Olivia to whimper a bit and bring herself back to the present moment. Cupping his face in her hands, she gave him a soft smile and kissed him gently.

"I love you, too."

* * *

 ** _Slow and steady wins the race, and we've got four chapters left._**

 ** _Up next, Olivia visits Lindstrom, hoping to prevent a step backwards. But first, review?_**


	22. Chapter 22

**_#Tuckson #FixingIt #IHope_**

* * *

"It has been a while since I've seen you, Olivia," Dr. Lindstrom said with a soft smile. He wasn't passing a judgement, it was merely an observation. Despite some of the craziness that had been going on, Olivia had not made time to see her therapist as often, although she knew good and well that she was needing to be in there more regularly.

"It has," she allowed, picking at the material of her blouse and not really making eye contact. "Life has been busy over the last few months."

It was now early April, and despite pushing herself to let go and find that balance in life she so desperately wanted, Olivia was still hesitating about taking the next step with Ed. In fact, it was nearly a month ago when they stood in her living room, him asking her what was holding her back, and she could barely answer. They continued on as they were, with Ed spending more and more nights with them as the time passed, but something was still stopping her. Finally, in a last ditch effort not to lose the man she loved, Olivia made an appointment with her therapist and informed Fin she would be late to work.

"Well," Lindstrom said, leaning forward a bit, trying to read her facial expression. "Why don't you catch me up?"

Olivia let out a laugh and rubbed her eyebrow before sitting back and eyeing her therapist.

"Well, I guess it all started when Noah got sick…" she began to recap all of the events that had recently led to her getting back together with Ed, and trying their relationship again. "He just kept, ya know, showing up. Accidentally. At the restaurant, at the hospital. As confusing as it was, it was so easy to just start to lean on him a little bit. I was so worried about Noah, and exhausted, and he just made it easy. He always makes it so easy."

"I remember you saying that a few years ago," Lindstrom allowed. "You were still dealing with Dodds' death, and I believe your exact words were 'and then Ed, he just makes everything easy'."

Olivia game him a small, closed-lip smile as she nodded her head, remembering back to that time in her life.

"You never really told me why you broke up," he pressed.

Shrugging, she let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling, following the patterns of the plaster material.

"I…well, at the time I felt like it was smothering," she admitted. "Like I just didn't have the time. But really, now that I think about it, I was just coming up with an excuse. Avoiding the hard conversations."

"Has that changed?"

"It has," she allowed. "In fact, over the last few months, Ed and I have talked, really talked, more than we did that entire first year we were together."

"That's good, Olivia," Lindstorm said, wanting to make sure that she was seeing the positive progress she made. But he was still met with her concerned expression.

"The last time, right before I ended things, he brought up retirement," she disclosed. "And it caught me off guard. Scared me a bit. And me being me, I let all of that spiral in my head. Convincing myself we wanted different things. That I was holding him back."

"You never mentioned that before."

"I know," she admitted, rubbing at her eyebrow again. "If I'm honest, I didn't even recognize myself during that time. Almost like someone else had taken over my thoughts and my actions."

"It had been a stressful time," Lindstorm allowed, not wanting her to be so hard on herself. But it was futile.

"Most of my life has been a stressful time," she said, letting out a little laugh. "But it's different this time. With him. Its like whoever was pulling my puppet strings back then is gone, and I've got the control back."

"So tell me how this second time around has been with Captain Tucker."

Olivia smiled a smile that Peter Lindstrom hadn't ever seen on her face before.

"It's been…amazing," she sighed out. "Even more so than the first time. He's just, he's everything. Steady. Funny. Patient."

Lindstrom just smiled at her, folding his hands on his lap and willing her to continue on. To let everything out that she had come here to say. So she took a deep breath and divulged even more.

"I feel like I've been more intentional this time, about making sure that I text him during the day. Or send him pictures of Noah when he's at work and we are at the park. He picks him up from preschool some now, too, which has been a relief on Lucy. Her school work has picked up recently."

"It sounds like you, yourself, are putting forth an effort that you didn't previously."

"I am," she said, twisting her hair in her finger a bit and biting her lip, causing the therapist to narrow his eyes a bit at her.

"But?"

"But…" she said. "There's still something, I don't know what, that keeps holding me back."

There. She had finally admitted it.

"A month ago, Ed stood in my living room and told me he loved me," she whispered. "And…I love him too. So much. But…"

She paused, her eyes darting around the room and her leg beginning to bounce, as if the mere thought that she may be pushing Ed away, unintentionally, caused her panic to build

"I don't know what it is," she whispered out, her voice catching as she spoke. "And I don't want to lose him. Not this time."

"Olivia," Dr. Lindstrom began, leaning forward and catching her worried brown eyes. "It's okay to allow yourself to depend on someone."

His words knocked the wind out of her momentarily and she looked at him, not breathing, with wide eyes.

"You've said in here before how you feel unlovable," he said. "Your words, not mine. But Ed is proving to you that you _are_ lovable. And it's scaring you."

Olivia just nodded, unable to talk in that moment because the doctor was speaking truth.

"Trust is hard," he said, but Olivia shook her head.

"That's not it," she insisted. "I trust Ed. More than I've ever trusted anyone."

"With your heart?"

"I…"

"What is it that you want, Olivia?" he pressed. "What do _you_ want?"

"I want him," she whispered. "I want him…all the time."

"Love is always a risk," Lindstorm said, sitting back a bit now that he finally got her to admit her feelings. "It just is. But the reward, in my experience, far outweighs any risk you may have to take."

* * *

After leaving Dr. Lindstrom's office, Olivia decided to take a walk and clear her head. She quickly checked in with Fin, who assured her the office was quiet. So Olivia informed him she would likely be back after lunch, but to call her if anything changed.

Now as she strolled down a Gramercy side street, lost in thought, she found herself smiling. The talk with Lindstorm had given her a lot to think about, but she realized she no longer felt the escalating panic as the thoughts flew through her mind.

Olivia thought back to a few mornings ago, when she awoke to the smell of bacon and the sound of her son's laughter coming from the kitchen. She had wandered out of her bedroom in her pajamas, hair still tangled and messy from the amorous night she shared with Ed. But it was the sight in front of her that had caused her heart to clench.

Noah was on a stool next to Ed, both of them wearing pajama pants and no shirt with an apron. The little boy would mix the pancake batter, while Ed attempted to make shapes on the skillet.

"MICKEY!" Noah had exclaimed, letting a few giggles escape. "Dat be my p'cake."

"Deal," Ed had responded.

As she remembered that moment in time, that feeling she had in her heart, Olivia began to yearn for more of those. She began to realize that when Ed wasn't with them, she missed him. It wasn't event the big things anymore, because he was around for a lot of those. He attended Noah's spring preschool concert, he had stayed with him overnight while Olivia was out on an intense case, and he even frantically met them at the ER when Noah fell at the playground and she thought he needed stitches, though it turned out he hadn't.

It was the little moments in which she found herself missing him. After Noah had gone to bed and she was mindlessly flipping through the channels. When she went to put her makeup on in the morning, and didn't have to wedge her way to the vanity because Ed was shaving. Or when Noah would get his little mischievous grin before finally revealing the cookie he had stashed in his pocket, trying to sneak a treat before dinner.

Those were the moments in which she now found herself wishing Ed was next to her, experiencing it with her. And that is what had finally driven her to see Dr. Lindstrom, to try and decipher why it was that she was still holding him at an arm's length.

They had ended the session with her finally bringing up the idea of Ed moving in with her, and Lindstrom had smiled at her, causing her to do a double take.

"I thought for sure you'd tell me not to rush things," she said with a little laugh, seeing his eyes twinkle a bit.

"Is it really rushing, Olivia?" he had put back to her. "You and Ed are both older, you've known each other a long time. I just don't see it that way."

Olivia bit her lip as she waited for the walk sign to change, and thought back to that brief exchange as her stomach began to flutter with the idea of Ed being a permanent fixture in her life. In Noah's life.

"Maybe he's right," she thought to herself, a smile growing on her face as she crossed the street. "Maybe it's not so soon."

Pulling her phone out of her bag, she shot off a quick text to Ed.

 _Can I bring you lunch?_

* * *

Ed lightly jogged across the street, knowing he was jaywalking, before straightening his suit and making his way into the park. He did a quick scan, not seeing Olivia near their usual bench, so he walked in that direction, hands in his pockets, lost in thought.

He hadn't heard from Olivia yet that morning, which wasn't entirely unusual if they were caught up in a big case. But he did notice he didn't get the normal "Good Morning" message that came as she ate breakfast with Noah. It usually included some kind of picture of the boy making a silly face, or at times a video. Assuming that she had to rush around that morning, he didn't think anything of it, until she messaged him about lunch.

His interest peaked. He wasn't nervous, necessarily, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little anxious about the sudden meeting. She often would meet him down here for a quick coffee, or a Noah hand-off, but this felt out of the blue after what he assumed had been a busy morning.

Taking a seat on the bench, he leaned back and looked up at the clear blue sky. It had been about a month since he had confessed his love for her, and to his delight, she had said it back. After that, they had begun to say those words a bit more around each other, though they were both still very cautious and particular about when they were used. For him, it was usually right after he had spilled himself into her after making love, or right before they parted ways when she got called in. Those were the times when he couldn't hold back how he felt. His love for her was growing, and it was quickly becoming too strong to deny.

Ed's mind had just wandered into the dangerous territory of questioning why his girlfriend was still holding him back just a little bit when he heard his name and his head popped up.

"Hey," Olivia exclaimed breathlessly, walking towards him with a brown bag and a tray holding two iced coffees. He jumped up immediately, taking the tray and leaning in to kiss her cheek, but she turned just at the right time and landed her lips square on his.

Surprised, but not at all upset, he kissed her lightly, sucking her bottom lip in his as he pulled away.

"Hi there," he said, his blue eyes teasing her a bit as he smirked. "Good to see you too."

Olivia just laughed, tucked her hair behind her ear, and went to sit down. She placed the bag between them and pulled out the contents.

"I just got one sandwich and a large pasta salad," she said, getting them set up. "I figured we could just share."

"Smells good," he said, taking the sandwich and carefully tearing it in half for her. "This from Angeleto's?"

"Of course," she said, raising an eyebrow at him. "Would I get you anything else."

"That's my girl," he jokingly said, laughing a bit, and then tensing as he realized what he said. But it didn't seem to phase Olivia. She just smiled at him, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek a bit, before grabbing a fork and diving into the pasta salad.

"I'm starving," she said, her mouth full of the mixture while Ed took a bit of the sandwich.

"Long morning?"

"Um," she began, trying to find the best way to broach the topic. "Just…heavy."

"Still working on the Manchurin case?"

"Yeah," she said. "But…I didn't go into work this morning."

"What?" he asked, stopping mid bite and putting the sandwich down. Ed wiped his hands on a napkin before reaching out and grasping hers, assuming something was up.

"I went to see Lindstrom," she shrugged, trying to meet his eyes but struggling to keep them there.

"I see," Ed allowed, suddenly nervous as to what was coming, but then he watched as she smiled a bit at him and kissed his hand.

"Nothing bad," she said quickly. "In fact, I left there feeling pretty good."

"Well, I'm glad he helped Liv," he responded honestly, his eyes scanning her face before leaning forward and giving her another quick kiss.

They both went back to their meals, making small talk about their weekend plans with Noah. Ed complained about one of the new CIU officers he was given while Olivia mentioned her concerns about Carisi potentially moving to the law side of the justice system. To any bystander who passed them, they were the perfect representation of a couple spending their lunch break together. Light touches, some laughter, and the occasional eye roll. Until Olivia finally took a deep breath, put the trash in the brown bag, and scooted closer to Ed, taking his hands in hers.

"Liv?" he asked, suddenly puzzled. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said firmly, leaning up to kiss him. "I'm…very okay."

"Something's up," he said softly, searching her eyes and not seeing any kind of negative emotion in them. But she never acted like this.

"I guess I'm just…." she paused, biting her lip and trying to figure out what to say next. "Well, thinking about what happens next."

"What do you mean?"

"With us," she whispered, her hands suddenly gripping his more tightly, as her mind began to race. Maybe this was too soon, she kept thinking. Maybe she needed to stop while she was still ahead, before she ruined what they had.

Ed took some steadying breaths. He had a good idea as to what she meant, but he didn't want to get excited and he didn't want to put words in her mouth. And he also began to notice that she was getting nervous, so he brought her hands to his lips to try and calm her, and himself.

"Olivia," he began, needing to know what she meant but also not wanting her to bolt. "What are you saying?"

"I…" she said, her voice was even shaking at this point. But before she could continue, her phone went crazy with Fin's ringtone. She shot Ed an apologetic look and picked up.

"Benson."

Ed took some deep breaths, watching as her eyes closed and a look of defeat came over her face.

"Got it. I'm on my way."

She hung up the phone and looked at Ed, her eyes full of remorse and something else he couldn't quite decipher.

"Go," he said without hesitation. "We can continue this later."

"I…am _so_ sorry," she said, knowing she had now made him a bit nervous, but this was not a conversation she could rush. "I really am."

"Liv, I know," he assured her, grabbing their trash and tossing it in the trash bin next to them before standing and pulling her up for a hug. "It's okay. We'll talk more later."

She held onto him for a bit, breathing in his scent, before pulling back slightly and kissing his lips.

"Come over tonight? Bring clothes for tomorrow?"

"You got it," he said, before walking her to the park entrance and parting ways. "Go get 'em."

She just turned and gave him a smirk, before making her way towards the subway and disappearing down the stairs.

Ed stood on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, looking back up at the blue sky. Shaking off any residual nerves that she was getting ready to bolt, he once again illegally crossed the street and headed back to work, all the while thinking about his impending evening with Olivia.

* * *

 ** _#FinInterruptus_** ** _#ThreeMoreChapters_**


	23. Chapter 23

_**To the Guest Reviewer who keeps slamming what Olivia eats and her weight: Please Stop. Olivia Benson is beautiful, and the fact that you send me paragraph long, anonymous reviews, talking about how disgusting her eating habits are is not okay. I can tolerate a lot of feedback, but body shaming a woman, an actress, a coveted television character, is not one of them. Your review has been deleted, as will any further review you leave on this topic. If the only thing you can focus on in this story is the fact that pasta salad has mayo in it (which, newsflash, most of it doesn't), then maybe this isn't the story for you. There was so much more to the last chapter other than Tuckson splitting a sandwich and picking at pasta salad.**_

 _ **Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's continue with the story. I apologize to my other readers for that A/N. I do not like confrontation and I hope it doesn't effect how you read this chapter, because I'm personally pretty proud of this one and the progress we have made in this story.**_

 _ **#Tuckson #Endgame #FixingIt #SeeRickAndJulie? #ItsNotThatComplicated #EyerollEmoji**_

* * *

Olivia let out a soft sigh as she slowly began to wake up, Ed's lips placing soft kisses along her stomach. She kept her eyes closed, but moved a hand to lightly tickle the back of his neck as he continued his exploration of her body.

"Morning," she rasped, her voice full of sleep but also desire. Ed's head popped up momentarily to give her a lazy smile, his blue eyes dazed revealing just how much he wanted her in that instance.

"Good morning, baby," he whispered, his eyes staying on hers for a moment while he continued to softly feel her body.

Olivia just smiled, her finger tracing the shell of his ear as she laid against her pillow, fully content with where she was in life.

Ed had officially moved in with her and Noah over the weekend. He had refused to pay movers, insisting that he wasn't bringing anything big and had rented out his place fully furnished, so over the course of a Saturday and a Sunday, Ed used a colleague's truck and moved boxes himself. By Sunday afternoon, everything was in the small apartment, boxes now decorated the walls, stacked and out of the way so Noah would still have room to play.

It had taken her more than a few false starts before she finally had the conversation with him about moving in. As predicted, he had already picked up on what Olivia was trying to say, but true to form, Ed Tucker patiently waited for her to ready herself, and her heart, to actually say the words out loud and take that next step with him.

Once they had made the decision, the process happened rather quickly. Ed listed his apartment on the rental market, deciding that since he owned, he would keep it for a little bit and make some money off of it, in case he and Olivia wanted to eventually look for a bigger place. Just like most nicer apartments on the New York City market, it was snatched up quickly, and Ed was packing up and moving forty blocks north within two weeks.

Worried at first that the speed of it would cause Olivia to clam up, Ed offered her numerous opportunities to change her mind. But she never did. She was excited, spending weeknight evenings before he arrived going through her closet and Noah's old toys, making room for Ed's belongings.

Now on their first Monday morning of living together, Olivia smiled to herself as Ed continued to place kisses along her abdomen, his hands lightly tickling her sides, and she let out a sigh.

"You okay," he asked, popping his head up again to make sure she wasn't annoyed by his infatuation with kissing her body in that moment. She just smirked at him.

"I'm more than okay," she said.

"Do we have time?" he asked, peering at the clock and noticing Olivia do the same, before she leaned over to turn off the alarm and reach out for him.

"We do," she said. "And I must say, I'm loving my new morning alarm…"

Ed just smiled as he kissed lightly at her neck and went to gently caress her breasts.

"I wanna wake up like this forever…" he whispered, getting more aggressive with his moves and losing all coherent thought.

Olivia didn't say anything, her mind was too busy concentrating on what her now live-in boyfriend was doing to her body, but she consciously made the effort to push down the momentary panic of the word forever.

 _One step at a time_ , she told herself, closing her eyes and spreading her legs so Ed could settle between them. _One step at a time._

"Ungh," she groaned as she felt Ed work his way into her body. "Ed… _God_ …."

"I love you," he whispered, pulling back and nuzzling her nose as he gave her a moment to adjust to him. She just smiled back at him, one hand reaching down to grab his behind and the other cupping his cheek.

"I love you too."

* * *

"Mommy!" Noah exclaimed happily, clambering down from the kitchen table and running into her arms for a hug. "Pretty Mommy."

Olivia just hugged him close and kissed the side of his head, before pulling back and touching his nose.

"Thank you, sweet Noah," she said. "Did Tuck get you breakfast?"

"Uh-huh!" he exclaimed, then pouted a bit. "No p'cakes today. Maybe t'morrow."

Olivia just laughed, hugging him to her for a bit longer before placing him back on the ground and moving to kiss the top of Ed's head.

"Go on and finish your cereal, bud," she said. "Mommy needs coffee."

"It here, Mommy!" Noah once again exclaimed after he had climbed back into his chair on his knees. He pointed to a steaming mug that sat by the chair across from where Ed was smirking, pretending not to pay attention, while reading the paper. "Me n Tuck maked it."

"Wow," she mumbled, moving over to sit down and sip the liquid before stealing part of the paper from Ed. "I could get used to this…"

"Good," Ed said, before putting what was left of the paper he was reading down and moving to refill his coffee. As he reached for a to go cup, the sound of a key in the lock startled him, causing him to reach for his side even though his gun was not there.

Olivia, noticing his alarm, stood and made her way to the door, waving him off.

"Don't worry, babe," she said, knowing he just needed to get used to this kind of morning routine. "It's just Lucy."

Olivia greeted Lucy warmly, leading her into the apartment and attempting to avoid tripping over stacks of boxes and Noah's toys they hadn't cleaned up the night before.

"Sorry about all the boxes," she said with a laugh. "We aren't quite settled in yet."

"Oh, it's okay," Lucy said, looking to Ed and giving him a sweet smile. "Hi Captain Tucker. Good to see you."

"Call me Ed," he said, extending his hand and greeting Lucy. "I'll work on the boxes this week…"

"Gotta save one, Tuck," Noah replied, his mouth full of cheerios and milk dribbling down his face.

"Noah, don't talk with your mouth full," Olivia said, patting his little head and moving to pour her coffee into the travel coffee tumbler Ed had placed on the counter for her.

Ed just ignored the discipline and curiously looked at the little boy as he swallowed his cereal and tried to clean the milk off his shirt with a napkin.

"Why are we savin' one, bud?"

"To pway," Noah said simply, shrugging his little shoulders and causing Ed to laugh.

"Whatever you want, No."

With the arrival of Lucy, the apartment began to bustle a bit more. Olivia scurried around, gathering all of her files from various locations and Ed began to search for his work shoes.

"I can't find a damn thing," Olivia whispered, her hand rubbing her lips trying to remember where the one file was. Ed finally located his shoes in a half-opened box, and then pointed towards a stack of papers on the foyer table.

"Those them, Liv?"

"Yeah," she said, grabbing them and shoving them in her bag before throwing it over her shoulder and leaning down to give Noah a kiss.

"Bye sweet boy," she said. "I love you. I'll see you tonight."

"Bye Mommy. Bye Tuck. Lub you."

Olivia's heart clenched as she eyed Ed, who had softened his eyes and bent down to give Noah a hug.

"Bye Noah, I love you too."

The couple brushed off the emotion of that little milestone, waved to Lucy, and headed out. Ed kept his hand on the small of Olivia's back as they rode the elevator down and exited her building and onto the sidewalk.

Olivia, enjoying this newfound element of being with Ed, leaned into him a bit and smiled.

"It's a nice day," she mused. "Hopefully Lucy gets him to the park after preschool, away from the crowdedness of the apartment."

"I know it's chaotic now," Ed said, kissing her head briefly as they waited for the walk sign to light up, signaling they could cross the street to Olivia's subway stop. "We'll get there."

"I know we will," Olivia responded as they walked. "Just takes time."

Ed paused at the top of the entrance to the 1 train, grasping her elbow lightly and leaning to give her a small, quick kiss.

"And we have that time now," he said, pulling back and giving her a smirk. "Have a good day, sweetheart. I love you."

Olivia smiled at him and patted his chest before turning to go.

"Love you too," she said, disappearing into the station. As she clambered down the steps, pulling her Metro Card out of her back pocket and swiping, she continued to wear a small grin.

Never in a million years did Olivia Benson think she would end up in the position she was in that morning. After numerous failed relationships, attempts at becoming a mother, partners and friends and family members leaving her; she finally had everything she wanted. A man who loved her, a sweet little boy who depended on her and was growing every day, and a job that she still believed in with her whole heart.

As the train pulled into the station, she swallowed that tiny little voice that kept creeping up into her inner peace. The voice that told her it wasn't going to last, and that she would eventually end up alone again.

 _Not this time,_ she said firmly to herself as she leaned against the now closed doors and perused her work emails. _Not this time._

* * *

"Hey Liv," Fin said slyly, knocking on her half opened office door and waiting for the signal to enter.

She took off her glasses and moved her laptop to the side, leaning back a bit and offering him a smile.

"Fin," she greeted. "What's up?"

"Oh nothin'," he said, closing the door and plopping onto the little sofa in her office. "Just tired of listening to Carisi and Rollins bicker."

Olivia let out a laugh and shook her head, welcoming the break in her paperwork.

"They have been doing more of that lately," she admitted, craning her neck to see if she could catch a glimpse of their body language. "Partners sometimes get in a rut…"

"No kidding," he grunted, folding his hands behind his head and leaning back. "But enough shop talk. How'd it go this weekend?"

"Good," she allowed, tucking her hair behind her ear and pretending to shuffle paperwork. Personal questions were always a hard line to toe with Fin. They had been working together for almost twenty years, and she considered him a friend. A really good friend. But at the same time, she always kept her personal business close to the belt. Now, however, with Tucker moving in and the fact he was also NYPD, she was finding it harder to keep that away from topics of conversation.

"There are boxes everywhere," she said, throwing him a bone. "But Noah thinks its great. More places to hide."

Fin just let out a hearty laugh.

"That little dude is pretty cool, Liv," he said. "You're doing a great job with him."

"Thank you," she said, her smile growing as she reached for her phone to pull up recent pictures and made her way over to the couch with Fin. "He makes it easy. He's just an all around great kid."

They shuffled through photos, Olivia telling some stories while Fin would laugh, until Carisi knocked and came in with a serious look on his face.

"Sorry to interrupt, but uh…" he said, all of a sudden looking nervous to deliver the news.

"What is it, Carisi?" Olivia asked, standing up and leaning against her desk with her arms crossed.

"That was the two-seven," he said quietly, before looking into Olivia's eyes. "They just discovered Elena Cortez's body. Looks like a suicide."

Olivia felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her arms quickly dropped, steadying herself on her desk, as she leaned forward a bit to catch her breath.

"What?" she whispered, eyeing Carisi, her brown eyes wide. Fin was up in a flash, next to her but not reaching out just yet.

"Their Captain just called," Carisi continued. "Said he knew that you were close with the case. With the vic. Wanted us to know before the word spread."

"How?"

"Found her in the bathtub," he said. "Empty bottle of pills on the floor."

Olivia let out a sigh and ran her hand through her hair, before moving it to rub her lips.

"Dammit," she said, shaking her head. "Dammit."

"Liv…" Fin began, but she cut him off.

"Carisi, get me their Captain's name again," she commanded. "I'm going to call him myself."

"10-4, Lieu," he said, running off to get the information while Olivia moved around to sit back at her desk, powering her laptop back up, and searching for something.

"Olivia…don't do this."

"I hadn't talked to her in a few weeks," she mumbled to herself, ignoring Fin's request completely. "I just got so busy…so side-tracked…"

"It wasn't your responsibility. We got her in touch with Sandy down at Victim's Support," he said bluntly. "You did everything you could have done. Including go after dirty cops who threatened you and your family."

"Doesn't matter, we still lost her," she whispered, her voice betraying the tears that were stinging. But she pushed it all down, concentrating on reading back over the file before she spoke to the other Captain.

"Lieutenant Benson," Fin finally said, in an almost commanding voice, causing the brunette to finally snap out of the self blame and look up at him, her eyes curious. "This is _not_ on you."

They eyed each other for a bit, and Fin could watch Olivia's inner battle with herself. The side that immediately blamed herself any time they lost a victim, or a rapist went free, verses the side that knew they couldn't win them all. Realizing that he had her attention, and that she was listening, he went one step further before leaving her alone for a bit.

"You can't save everyone, Liv."

* * *

It was pushing seven in the evening, and the squad room was empty and dark with the exception of the light glow of a lamp coming from the office of Lieutenant Olivia Benson. Her door was cracked open slightly, revealing a tired and worn down detective hunched over her desk, head in her hands.

She had long sent Rollins and Carisi home after they all returned from the scene at Elena's apartment. Fin lingered a bit, offering her a ride, but she quietly declined, insisting she had a few more things to finish up since Ed already had Noah.

Now Olivia was left alone in her thoughts, her mind churning over the last couple of months and at what point she may have lost Elena. No doubt she hadn't kept in as close contact with her as she had with some previous victims, but the case had been passed off. Elena was in a good hands, and at their last check-in, she seemed okay. Or as okay as she could have been. She let out a sigh and sat up a bit, turning her chair around to stare out at the city lights.

Fin was right, she concluded, although it didn't lessen the pain and guilt she felt.

Thinking back to a time in which her entire life revolved around SVU, she recounted some of the more stand-out victims. The ones she still, to this day, would reach out to on occasion. Back to a time when she would work twenty hour days, personally trying to ensure that women received justice, that they felt heard and believed. Back to a time when Elliot would sometimes leave early, trying his best to keep a healthy balance between work and family. A time when Munch would literally drag her out of the precinct himself to try and keep the job from consuming her. But the truth was that was difficult to do as a Special Victims Detective. And for Olivia, given her background, it was brutally hard.

"Don't make this job your whole life."

The words flew through her mind as she thought back to all those that had come and gone from the one-six. Cassidy leaving because he couldn't handle the horrific cases, Alex finding a deeper purpose in the Congo, Elliot's abrupt departure after not being able to recover from shooting a teenage girl, Cragen and Munch's retirement, Nick's cross country move. Olivia Benson had been the one constant that the New Your City Special Victims Unit had kept. And it took her years, but she was finally figuring out the right balance so that she _could_ keep doing that job, keep seeing those horrors, and not let it eat her alive.

A buzzing on her desk startled her out of her thoughts, and she turned her chair back around to check the message that just came through. It was Ed.

 _Stop beating yourself up. Come home. We love you._

Attached to the text was a photo of Noah making silly faces. Wiping a stray tear from her eye, she smiled and shook her head. Her heart began to release some of the tension as she powered down her computer, neatly stacked her files, and grabbed her purse. It was time to shake off the day and go home to her boys. Her work, and the heaviness that came with it, would still be there tomorrow. But until then, she had a family to focus on.

* * *

 ** _#Progress_**

 ** _Two chapters to go!_**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Funny story: The original plan for this chapter was eerily similar to how it turned out below, however, it also paralled the recent episode a wee bit. So you may see a little crossover and a few fixes thrown in, but ironically I had this update out-lined well before Genes aired.**_

 _ **The characters are not mine, and if they were, well you've already read about how I would fix it.**_

 _ **#Tuckson #EndGame #AlmostThere #HeyLetsTalkToBarba**_

* * *

A knock startled Olivia out of her thoughts. Taking her glasses off and looking up, she offered Rafael Barba a small smile and signaled for him to come in. The ADA was carrying a tray of two iced coffees and a brown paper bag, telling Olivia maybe this was more than just a work check-in.

"Hey, Barba," she quipped, smirking and raising her eyebrow at the tray.

"Hey yourself," he said, closing the door behind him with his foot and placing an iced coffee and a bag on her desk, before meandering to the sofa and all but collapsing onto it.

"Rough day?" Olivia asked, suddenly concerned at his body language. She closed her laptop and grabbed her treats, before making her way around the desk to sit on the opposite end of the couch, silently laughing to herself at his propped up feet and brightly colored socks.

"You could say that," he said. "This cop-rape case is just…"

"I know."

"Not having Elena is difficult," he admitted softly, his eyes cutting over to the side, studying her reaction.

"But there's so much other evidence…" Olivia began to argue, before Barba interrupted her with a hand on her arm.

"I know, Liv," he said. "I'm not saying the case is over. Just that we may not get all of the charges to stick."

Olivia just shook her head and picked at the vanilla scone. She had suddenly lost her appetite.

"Sometimes I get so tired of this job," she admitted quietly, not looking up, but Barba's eyes were knowing and understanding.

"Me too," he whispered, shaking his head and sipping his coffee. "Tell me something good."

Olivia took a deep breath, put the scone down given her appetite had disappeared, and turned on the couch so she was facing her friend, her colleague.

"Noah's starting soccer next week," she allowed. Barba's eyes widened.

"Really?" he asked, more excited than Olivia had anticipated, so she figured she should keep going.

"Yep," she responded, resting her coffee on the back of the sofa and beginning to relax for a bit, a rarity in her job. "It's just a beginner's league. A lot of learning. Maybe some scrimmages. I don't even think they have a team name, although I've been instructed for him to wear red to each event."

Barba just laughed a little.

"Please tell me there aren't participation trophies," he deadpanned, causing Olivia to let out a hearty laugh.

"I don't know," she said, rubbing her eyebrow. "I didn't ask. But he's four, so one participation trophy won't hurt."

"I suppose," he replied with a playful eye roll.

"Noah had asked about it last season," she admitted. "But things were so…crazy…at work, and just, well…"

"I know," Barba said, letting her off the hook for the explanation. He knew quite well that this time last year, Olivia was in a much different place. And quite frankly, totally off balance and not herself. "But things are looking up now, right?"

"Very much so," she said, her brown eyes lighting up. "His practices are on Saturdays, so even on the rare chance I can't rearrange my work schedule, Ed will be able to take him."

"Tucker…" he replied with a knowing smirk. "Ya know, I never really…apologized…for that whole thing…"

Olivia shook her head, signaling for him to stop.

"Nothing to apologize for," she said. "Water under the bridge."

"Ya know, Benson," he began, picking at the cuff on his shirt. "You can be a real pain in my ass, but I've missed this."

"Me too," she said, with a smile. "And the pain in the ass is mutual."

Barba let out another laugh and stood, cleaning up their little afternoon snack and making his way to the door.

"Guess this was enough hooky for the day," he said. "I'll keep you updated on the case. And if Noah has any real games, let me know."

"You got it," she said, with an eye roll at his emphasis on the word 'real'. "Thanks for the pleasant surprise."

Barba just nodded and swiftly exited her office, throwing away the tray of trash and nodding to the other detectives as he exited. Olivia let out a little breath, a smile gracing her face at just how smoothly things were going for her personally these days. Even with the rough cases, she had some solid ground finally and it felt good. Making her way back to her desk, she noticed her cell phone blinking, signaling she had missed a call.

Three calls, to be exact. Two from Noah's daycare and one from Ed.

Stomach dropping, she skipped the voicemails and went to call the daycare right as another call from Ed came in.

"What's wrong," she barked into the phone, almost breathless with worry and skipping all pleasantries.

"Liv, it's fine," he explained on the phone. "The daycare couldn't get in touch with you, so they called me. Noah's fine."

"Well then what's wrong?" she demanded into the phone, her heart rate still not slowing so she was coming across as harsh. Ed, unbothered, payed no mind to that and continued the explanation.

"Sounds like there was a little incident at daycare today," he explained softly. "Noah and another kid got into a shoving match. His teacher said everything is fine now, but Noah has been down and quiet ever since. Won't play with anyone. Keeps to himself. Just wanted us to know."

Olivia's heart cracked a bit. Shoving and getting in trouble was just a part of being a kid, a part of learning, and Noah very rarely got in trouble like this. She could count two other times that he had shoved someone, and it was usually after being picked on over a toy. But her son was also sensitive. He had a true sense of right and wrong, so when he did get in trouble, he often retreated until someone reassured him that it was okay and mistakes happen and they still love him. All things that were unlikely to happen at a daycare, when the teachers had so many other children to keep an eye on.

Thinking of her sweet little boy feeling badly, and all alone at daycare, her motherly pull won over and she made a quick decision.

"Ya know," she said. "I'm just gonna go get him…"

"You sure?" he asked. "I just finished up my last interview today. I can grab him if you're busy. We can even pop into your office."

Olivia bit her bottom lip, mulling over her options. It still felt incredibly odd to have another parental figure in Noah's life. Ed was always very cautious about stepping on her toes in regards to Noah. He still consistently asked her permission before he planned activities, and would always send ample photos when they were home alone.

Olivia, while knowing they weren't necessary, still appreciated the thought. It had been a slow crawl for them to get into the position they were in currently. And although she was confident they were endgame now, the balance of Noah's care still took some work. It was good work, but something to navigate, none the less.

Thinking back to the last time she got a call like this, her heart cracked a bit more. She hadn't handled it well at all. Granted, it had happened alongside of a case where a rapist was trying to get out of charges because he was, supposedly, genetically inclined to rape. Those cases always hit Olivia hard, but after 20 years on the job, she had finally moved into a place where she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the excuse he was giving was bullshit. Or at least, she thought she had.

Being as off-kilter as she had been during those months, her reaction had been less than stellar. And the internal projection she had put on Noah was unfair, a moment she was still beating herself up over a year later, despite the young boy having no idea it had gone on.

Shoving all of that to the side and reminding herself that no real harm had come from it, she began to close down her computer and get ready to go when Ed's voice came booming back over the phone.

"Liv? Hello?"

"Oh!" she said, laughing a bit at herself. "I got so lost in thought I forgot you were on the line."

Ed let out a laugh, but knew exactly where her mind had gone. So he just took a breath, waiting for her decision. It surprised him.

"Meet me there?" she asked quietly. "We can spend the afternoon together, perk him up a bit, and making sure there isn't more to this story…"

Ed's heart soared, his face crackling into a giant smile as he also began to close out of his computer.

"I'll be there in twenty."

* * *

Ed was waiting outside of the daycare, pretending to check emails on his phone, when Olivia arrived. She rushed up to him, giving him a quick kiss on the side of his mouth.

"You got here fast," she said, a little winded from her own hustle.

"Yeah," he said, pocketing his phone and looking down a bit sheepishly. "I was worried about the little guy. Felt better at least being outside of the door until you got here."

Olivia just smiled, and caressed his cheek a bit. She loved when he got this way. The sweet, soft, yet protective side of Ed Tucker. The side he only showed with her, and now Noah. The side that proved to her, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he loved her and her son, unconditionally.

"Well, let's go spring our boy," she said with a wink, buzzing into the building and stating her name so they let her in. As they approached the desk, one of the three teacher's in Noah's classroom, Anna, approached.

"Hi Olivia," she greeted with a warm smile, which Olivia returned. She liked this particular teacher of Noah's. Very attentive and kind, but also strict enough so that Olivia felt her son was getting the stability he needed.

"Hi Anna," she responded, shaking her hand then gesturing to Ed. "You've met Captain Tucker?"

"I have," she said, her smile wider. "A few times. Good to see you again, Captain."

"Ed," he responded. "Call me Ed."

"Okay then," she said, clapping her hands together and turning to face Olivia more. "I assume Ed filled you in on this morning's little incident."

"He did," she said, her lips pursed together as she looked over the young woman's shoulder in search of her son. "Is Noah still…by himself?"

"He is," she allowed. "I had to take some of the kids to music time, but Noah didn't want to go. So he stayed behind with Diane."

Olivia closed her eyes a bit, steeling herself for what she was walking into. Diane was her least favorite.

"Go on back," Anna said. "I'm sure Diane can fill you in even more."

"Thank you," she said, wasting no more time with pleasant talking and marching back towards Noah's classroom. As she peered in the window, her heart broke a bit. Noah was sitting at the table, all by himself, and slowly piecing together Legos, though it didn't look like he was building anything in particular like he usually did.

Olivia couldn't stand it any longer. She opened the door, Ed right behind her, and called out to her son. His head popped up and he turned around, eyes wide.

"Mommy!" he said, jumping up and running to her, crashing into her chest and burying his little face there, taking a shuddering breath. Olivia held him close to her, making sure he could feel the security of her arms, while Ed stood back and eyed the teacher.

"Hi there," Diane said, approaching them, her demeanor a bit cold. "Lieutenant Benson, how are you?"

"I'm fine," she said. "What happened here?"

"Well, Noah got into a little fight today, didn't you," she responded, her voice a little condescending as she eyed the boy who was obviously upset.

Noah just nodded.

"A fight?" Ed asked, his head doing a bit of a double take. Usually he stayed quiet, but he was concerned that he was not given the right information when the daycare called him. "I was told it was a shove."

"Wouldn't you classify that as a fight?" Diane asked, narrowing her eyes at the man. "You must be Noah's father. We have not yet met, I'm Diane."

Olivia stood at that, watching the interaction and feeling uneasy about Diane's tone and body language.

"Ed has picked Noah up before," Olivia defended. "Multiple times."

"I was just unaware Noah's father was in the picture," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "If this is a recent development, it might explain his shoving today."

Olivia was incensed.

"Noah's biological father is deceased," she whispered harshly at the woman. "And if you had read his file, you would know that. And he's _four_. He knows that shoving is wrong, and in case you haven't noticed, you have him feeling pretty terrible about it."

Ed reached out and put a hand on Olivia's arm to calm her, but to also warn her not get too upset with Noah present. She cut her eyes over at him, and he saw everything she felt inside of the swirling pools of brown. He also saw a plea for him to just get them out of there. So he squatted down by Noah and rubbed his little arms.

"You ready to go, bud?" he asked softly. "You, me, and Mommy are gonna spend the afternoon together, okay?"

Noah nodded, his eyes filling with tears again.

"I sowwy I shove By-an," he whispered, as one of the droplets made its way down his cheek. Ed just hoisted him up, allowing the boy to rest his head on his shoulder, as he looked to Diane.

"Nice to meet ya," he said nodding, before wrapping an arm around Olivia and leading them out of the building. Before they hit the door, Anna caught up to them.

"Olivia!" she called, waving Noah's backpack. "You almost forgot this."

"Oh, thanks," the brunette said, clearly distracted and a little upset. Anna took notice.

"Did something else happen?"

Olivia eyed Ed, who shrugged signaling it was her call whether to make a comment about Diane. But she refrained for the moment, not wanting to talk any more about this in front of Noah.

"No," she said politely. "But I'd love to sit down with you over the next few days, if possible."

"Sure," the woman said kindly, understanding the message loud and clear. "Email me your schedule and I'll make it happen."

Olivia followed Ed and a still sniffling Noah out of the building and onto the busy street, opting to walk the several blocks to the apartment to get fresh air.

* * *

Later that night, Olivia sat on the couch with Noah fast asleep against her chest. His soft breathing hitting her collar bone, offering her comfort after their day. Ed was right next to them, one arm around her shoulders and the other softly rubbing Noah's back.

After spending the afternoon with the little boy, Ed and Olivia quickly learned that Noah only shoved Bryan because he was picking on him and messing with the picture he was coloring. While they understood, Ed gently explained that next time, instead of shoving, he should go tell one of his teachers. Noah had nodded and said okay, before crashing into Ed for a big hug and asking him to kick the soccer ball around.

Olivia had smiled as she watched them, her arms wrapped around herself. It was odd, she thought, to not be the only one dealing with this kind of stuff now. Ed had been right there, and steady, as she struggled to check her Mama Bear tendencies at daycare, and then later at the park. She had known that once they moved in together, not only would Ed be taking on the role of her life-partner, but he would also be taking on a role with Noah. And if she were honest with herself, Olivia had to admit she was surprised that there wasn't any jealousy about having Ed step in. But it was just the opposite. It was relief. Support. Love. Strength. And it felt good.

Now as they all cuddled on the sofa together, her chin resting on Noah's head, she felt Ed place a kiss on her temple.

"Are you…" he began, hesitating a bit, before continuing. "I'm sorry I stepped in at the daycare, and then at the park. I should've let you handle it…"

"No," Olivia said, slowly adjusting herself as to not wake Noah, but so she could look at Ed. "You were perfect. You kept me in check, and everything you said to Noah was perfect."

"But still," he insisted. "You are his mother. And I never want to step on your toes here."

"I am his mother," she said. "But you are in this with us now. You will be the strongest male influence on Noah's life. And maybe we should talk more about how we approach this with him, what balance we need or want here, but today was perfect. _You_ were perfect."

Ed was a little surprised at her response. He had expected there to be a little resistance to even approaching the subject of parenting Noah. He did not, under any circumstance, want to step over her. Noah was her son first. But, if he were honest with himself, he held out hope that maybe one day Noah would be _their_ son. He knew it was way too soon for that conversation. For now, he was happy being pleasantly surprised with how she did not throw up more walls.

"Olivia, I will never stop being grateful that you are giving me this chance," he said, nuzzling her nose but keeping his blue eyes locked on hers. "With you _and_ with Noah."

Olivia just smiled.

"Its funny," she mused, wanting to lighten the mood a bit, but also wanting to acknowledge what Ed was looking for in the conversation. "Once I forced myself to stop running, to stop making it so complicated, to stop listen to all those voices saying there wasn't enough time, it just…became easy. Simple."

"What did?" Ed asked, playing with her hair. He knew what she meant, but wanted to make sure he wasn't mis-reading.

"Us," she said, looking at him with wide, loving eyes. "The two of us. The _three_ of us."

Ed kissed her softly before settling back against the couch, keeping Olivia and Noah securely wrapped against him. The little boy snoozed away, comforted by the presence of his mother, while Ed and Olivia basked in the knowledge that this was it for them. There would likely be more mountains to climb, more heartaches to bear, more walls to break down, but they had made it.

* * *

 ** _Okay. We've got one more chapter left people, so leave me some love in the reviews and let's wrap this up! How have you liked it up to now? Any last wishes?_**


	25. Chapter 25

_**Dear Readers,**_

 _ **Behold, the "finale" - or at least my own interpretation of it. This has been a really fun (sometimes tiring and emotional) journey with you all. I continue to be surprised at how much people have loved this story, and I hope the end does your devotion to this "fix-it fic" justice. Thank you thank you thank you for being awesome, loyal, and encouraging along the way.**_

 _ **Much love,**_

 _ **JB**_

 _ **#Tuckson #Forever #FixedIt**_

* * *

Carisi strolled into the squad room that morning, toting a fancy, white shopping bag and a forlorn look on his face. Fin and Amanda, while noticing his presence, did not bother looking up from where they were pretending to work on their laptops. The one-six was almost totally silent, save the sound of keyboards typing and a few coughs from the unis off to the side.

Dropping his keys and phone into the drawer of his desk, Carisi shrugged his suit jacket off, loosened his tie, and walked hesitantly towards the Lieutenant's office. The door was closed and the blinds were cracked, but he knew she wasn't in the middle of anything, other than remembering unpleasant things. He knocked lightly, hearing a muffled "come in", and slipped in the door before closing it behind him.

"Hey, Liv," he said softly, noticing her glasses were on top of her head and her laptop wasn't even open. The Lieutenant was quite literally living in her own memories right then. "Holding up okay?"

She just gave him a sad smile and shook her head slightly, before gesturing for him to sit down.

"I'm fine, Carisi," she said in her usual tone, but he was not convinced. Sonny placed the white bag on her desk and took a seat across from her, crossing his legs and leaning back a bit, studying her expression. "What's this?"

"Stopped by that bakery you love," he said quietly. "Grabbed you some goodies."

"Sonny," she said, her voice choking up a bit as she looked in the bag and smiled. A real smile this time. "That's all the way uptown - almost to Columbia."

"I know," he shrugged. "But, I knew today was gonna be hard…so…sorry I'm late," he said, a sheepish grin and a laugh escaping at his excuse. But Olivia let out her own heartfelt laugh, so his mission was accomplished.

"Lotsa changes in the last two years, huh," she mused, taking one of the vanilla pastries out of the bag, tearing it in half, handing one to Sonny, and taking a bite of the other herself.

"Yeah," he sighed out, munching a bit and thinking back. "Some good. Some bad."

"How have _you_ been," she asked, leaning forward and eyeing her detective.

"I've been okay," he said honestly. "Good days and bad days. Dodds was becoming a friend, as well as a coworker. Rough thinking he's just gone."

"Yeah…"

"Chief seems to be doing okay."

"He does," Olivia allowed, nodding a bit and putting her pastry back down. Her appetite wasn't stellar that day. "Wounds like that, they never go away. But time…time can help heal them. If you let it."

"And are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Letting time heal you?" Carisi said, realizing he may be overstepping his bounds, but he worried about his Lieutenant a lot. And if she was uncomfortable with his questions, she would kick him out. He had to try. But she threw him a bone.

"I'm…" she began, biting her lip and leaning back, eyeing the newly framed picture on her desk of Noah and Ed after one of his soccer practices. "Yeah," she breathed out. "Or at least, I'm trying a lot harder than I was last year."

"Two years ago today," Sonny mused. "Feels like forever, and also no time at all."

Olivia just let out a chuckle.

"I couldn't agree more," she said. "Look, if today gets too hard, just come talk to me. Okay? All of you. We'll work it out."

"Same for you, Liv," Carisi said before standing up, throwing the pastry wrapping out and winking at his Lieu. "We have your six."

He opened the door, hands in his pocket, and whistled a soft tune as he exited, leaving the door open in his wake.

* * *

Ed Tucker had just finished up an interview when he felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket. Pulling it out, assuming it was work, he threw his reading glasses on and took a peek.

Olivia.

He smiled to himself, remember their morning together. How she had woken him up with soft kisses on his chest, wanting him. Needing him. He had known before falling asleep the night before that this day marked two years since Dodds had been killed under her watch, and he could tell that as the day got closer, she became more quiet. More withdrawn.

Ed had fought to keep her from withdrawing from him, and to his surprise it had worked. He could see her gears turning each time he pressed her to talk to him, to not bottle it up. And each time she spoke to him, revealing her innermost thoughts and emotions, their bond strengthened.

So of course when she had woken him up from a deep slumber, expressing physically that she needed him, there was nothing that would have gotten in the way of him giving it to her. He made love to her for over an hour that morning, paying close attention to all of her most erogenous zones and keeping her in a state of constant pleasure, until their alarm went off signaling that Noah would be up soon.

Fully sated in his arms, she expressed her dread for the day, and once again, surprised him with her next statement.

"But I dread it less because I have you by my side."

Realizing he was standing in the hallway of his office, smiling like an idiot as he remembered their morning, Ed looked around quickly and sighed in relief as he saw no one around to watch him. Marching into his office and closing the door, he typed in his 6 digit passcode so he could read Olivia's message.

 _Think I'll get Noah early. Maybe go to the piers. Wanna join?_

It was the easiest question he had ever been asked. Sending off a quick "of course", he logged into his computer to recap the interview so he could take off and meet his budding little family.

* * *

"Tuck!" Noah yelled in delight as he saw the silver haired man walk briskly to where he and his mother were sitting on a bench, talking animatedly to each other.

"Hey, Noah," Ed greeted, crouching down and opening his arms so the four year old could run into his chest. Standing up, he swung the boy around a bit, eliciting a fit of giggles, before kissing his cheek and putting him down.

"Hey there handsome," Olivia said quietly, and almost sultry, as she leaned over her son to give Ed a kiss hello.

"Hi there," he said, pulling back and licking his lips a bit. "Almond?"

Olivia just laughed.

"Carisi brought treats in from Mama Joan's," she said. "Noah and I just split a cupcake, didn't we sweet boy?"

"Yep," he said, hopping around on one foot, apparently playing an imaginary game in his head on the sidewalk.

"Save any for me?" Ed asked with a fake pout and a raised eyebrow. Olivia just rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she said, leaning in for one more kiss. "They are at home."

"Good," Ed replied, before smirking at her. "Though I don't mind just tasting it all on you…"

"Down, Captain," she said, smiling a smile that lit up her entire face. "We're in public."

Ed just crinkled his face and mirrored her smile, before looking down at Noah and reaching for his hand.

"Come on bud," he said. "Let's walk to the water. Look at the boats."

As the trio walked along the pier, heading towards the Hudson River lookout, Noah skipped along. His arms were still stretched up a good bit so he could hold onto the hands of both Olivia and Ed. The couple strolled along, occasionally looking down at the child between them and swinging him into the air, seemingly at peace. To any outsider, they were just a family of three, enjoying a nice, sunny afternoon together on the pier. There was no sign of inner turmoil, trauma, any fear about the future or commitments. They were just there. Together. Happy.

"Two years ago, we were in this same spot," he said, his eyes still looking ahead. "Give or take a few days."

"Yeah…" she sighed out, hair blowing in the wind and her face scrunched a bit, both with the brightness of the sun reflecting off of the water, but also because she was lost in thought. "This is where you brought up Paris…"

They briefly smiled at each other, remembering the trip they had taken with Noah. Ed reminisced silently about how Olivia's face would light up at each new sight they took in. How she was up for anything, as long as they enjoyed it together. And how fervently she would thank him each night, once Noah was asleep out on the couch in their suite. Despite Ed saying no thanks was necessary, he would never turn down making love to Olivia Benson.

"That was a good trip," he said. "Hasn't been easy since then…"

"No," Olivia responded, shaking her head as they finally came to a stop near the railing. Noah had his eyes on the water, watching the boats slowly sail by. "No it hasn't…"

"It took, what, being barricaded in your apartment together…twice…to make this work?" Ed said the words with a side smirk, his eyes glancing at Olivia as she shook her head and let out a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah it did," she said, but her face took on a more contemplative look as they stood along the edge of the pier, reflecting on the last several years. "But ya know, those really good things in life? The stuff that makes life worth it? Those things are never easy."

"I'd like to think that after all that we've been through together, _we_ are easy," Ed responded, trying get a good read on her.

Her face softened and her eyes cleared as she stared at the ruggedly handsome, blue eyed man in front of her. A small smile began to grow, the arm that still held onto Noah swayed a bit as he fidgeted.

"It is. Now it is," she said softly, her eyes closing of their own volition. "You just…you are…"

She stopped a bit, getting choked up, but swallowed and signaled for Ed to give her a minute. Gaining control of her emotions, she opened her eyes again.

"You are everything," she whispered hoarsely. "You. Noah. SVU. It is all I've ever wanted in life."

"You deserve that, and so much more," Ed responded, reaching up with his free hand to catch some of her hair, tucking it back behind her ear and making sure to brush her cheek as he moved.

"I don't need more," she shrugged simply. "I just need you."

"Well," he said, drawing out the word just a bit and fishing around in his pocket, grasping the wooden box tightly in his hand. "You have me."

Ed tugged on Noah's hand a bit and kneeled down, presumably to talk to him about the boats. Olivia watched in perfect contentment as Noah leaned against Ed's strong body, both of them speaking softly about something she couldn't quite hear.

Olivia smiled down at the sight of her two boys conspiring to do something and thought about just how at peace she was. Waking up this morning, after she and Ed had finally rolled out of bed, a sense of dread began to fill her as she thought about facing the day. But that dread had gone away as time passed. And it was replaced with something else, something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

She looked out over the water as she continued to try and decipher what it is she was feeling. Of course she was still mourning the loss of Mike Dodds. In fact, she always would be. That sense of loss would never totally go away, but unlike last year on the anniversary, this year there was something positive lingering in her gut.

Stability. Contentment. Hope. Love.

All of those feelings were new to Olivia Benson. Sure, she had felt them at a passing throughout her life, but they had never stayed. Not until she adopted Noah. And then again when she finally let herself go with Ed. Those two completed her life in a way she had never known possible. And despite trying to run away from it, despite almost fucking it up, here she was. She had the family she longed for her entire life.

Olivia smiled a bit as she felt Noah tug her hand.

"Mommy," he said quietly, trying to get her attention. As she moved to look down at her boys, Olivia let out a quiet gasp and her heart leapt into her throat.

There in front of her was Ed Tucker, on one knee, holding an open, wooden ring box with the most gorgeous teardrop diamond she had ever laid eyes on. Her hand immediately moved to her heart as she tried to slow her breathing and keep her emotions in check.

"Mommy, lookey!" Noah said excitedly, gesturing to the ring and almost hopping up and down in excitement. "Lookey what Tuck getted you!"

"Ed…" she whispered out, her eyes darting around between Noah, the ring, and the hopeful eyes of Captain Ed Tucker.

"Liv," he began, taking a deep breath before continuing. "We were in this exact spot, two years ago, and it was here that I told you I trusted you. That I trusted Noah. It was here that we decided to go to Paris. That you allowed me into another place of your life. Of Noah's life. And, well, the road has been bumpy. You pushed, I backed off, we both made mistakes. But yet, here we are. Again. And this time….well….this time, I hope it is for good."

Tears began to stream down Olivia's face as she listened to the words Ed spoke to her. She heard all of the love in his tone and felt all of the trust and the strength he gave her, just by being her partner in life.

"Now," he said, his tone lightening up a bit as he took one arm and pulled Noah next to him, kissing his head. "Noah and I had a little talk before this. And he gave me permission to ask you this question, didn't you little man."

"Yep!" he said, rubbing his hands together as if he couldn't stand it any longer. He was too excited. "Tuck ask you dis, otay?"

"Okay," she breathed out, her voice barely audible from the emotion. But she was excited. And a smile was beginning to spread on her face.

"Olivia Margaret Benson...I love you, and Noah, more than anything in this world," he said, before taking a breath and capturing her eyes, locking blue on brown. "Will you marry me?"

She let out a little sob, her hand still over her heart and grasping at the fabric on her sweater. Noah began to jump up and down, eager to just get on with it, but Olivia was taking it all in.

Smiling and shaking her head through the tears, she dropped to her knees and cupped Ed's face, nuzzling his nose a bit and kissing him, before pulling back.

"Yes," she whispered, licking her upper lip to try and stop the tears from flowing, though it was fruitless. "Yes I'll marry you."

Letting out a relieved laugh, Ed stole a glance at Noah, who was now clapping as he listened to the words being spoken. Leaning forward to capture Olivia's lips in one more brief, but passionate kiss, Ed pulled back slightly and folded Noah into a three-way hug.

"Good job, Mommy!" Noah said giggling. "Dat da right answer! We gettin' mawwied!"

The two adults began to laugh before attacking Noah with kisses and tickles, once again giving off the look of a family that was completely and utterly happy.

And it was the truth. They were.

Ed stood back up, pulling Olivia with him, before placing the diamond on her left finger and kissing it as they both admired the new jewelry, the new commitment to each other.

"You really said yes," he breathed out, still in a bit of shock, but the smile on his face had never been brighter.

"I did," she said, turning her neck so she was looking up at him, her eyes still watery from the emotion of the moment. "And...I love you too. So much."

All of a sudden, the reality of what just took place must have hit Ed, because he let out a hearty laugh and scooped up Noah, slinging him onto his shoulders as the boy giggled. Once he was secure, Ed wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her into his side as they began to make their way off the pier. Noah hummed a little, using Ed's head as a drum and making up his own little song.

Olivia rested her head on Ed's shoulder and grasped one of Noah's legs with her left hand, making sure she had a good view of the rock that now graced her finger. Her steps were in tune with Ed's and she let out a soft, content sigh. It seemed surreal, in a way, that she was in this position; a mother, now engaged and the commander of SVU. Previous conversations flowed through her mind, reminding her of how far she had come. Conversations with Elliot about wishing for a family, conversations with Munch about not making SVU her entire life, conversations with Huang. With Fin. With Cragen. With Lindstrom.

Sure, she could be bitter, envious even, that it had taken her so long to get to this point. To finally find the strength and courage to get what she wanted. But she wasn't. It had taken all of those experiences, those emotions, that pain, and that hard work to ready her for this new adventure. The road hadn't been easy, and there was no illusion in her mind that difficult times would magically disappear. But she was no longer alone.

Maybe, she thought to herself, once you stop fighting and allow yourself to trust the journey, life wasn't that complicated after all.

* * *

 ** _And that's a wrap!_**

 ** _I'll be taking a teeny tiny break before diving back into my other series, but do not fear. I will be back._**

 ** _Leave your final thoughts in a review!_**


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